CS after custody switch...venting venting venting....

[hatewelfare]

Or should I saw lack of child support...I know this is a touchy subject with some, but dang it...I wish I would receive some now.

In short, I got custody of my son from his mother after 10 long years of struggling to remain part of my son's life. I endured restraining orders, police calls, long move always and finally accusations of sexual abuse against my son. That was the last straw...after she moved to Iowa and I lost the court fight judge warned her not to screw with my visitation or it would be grounds for a custody switch.
One year later the accusations came and I went a month and a half without seeing my son. After jumping through the hoops to clear my name and get visitation back I went to court for custody. 9 months later of court crap the judge made good on her threat and I won custody.

That about 2 years ago, my son is doing excellent in school now, missed 3 days last year, none this year and been tardy twice. Lowest grade is a C with 3 A's and rest B's.  Down from with her missing 7-12 days a year and tardy 14+ times a year!!!

My home is very busy, girlfriend has 4 kids herself plus one that we just "got out of the house" and is having a baby herself. I work nights, girlfriend works days...bills are piling up, food is going up, heat is going up, gas for the 800 plus miles I drive to let him see his mother is going up!

I am starting to get pissed now that I haven't got anything of support from that (I'll use it this time) DEADBEAT MOTHER.

I always paid on time and NEVER missed and was NEVER without a job while she had him. Now I am getting nothing while on the "other side." That brings me to mixed emotions. I now how hard it is to struggle while paying CS...I did that for 10 years, I went to the capital in MN and testified in front of the Senators in MN for fairer CS laws. Fairer enforcement. (I felt CS was too high and enforcent to strict for most) Now I feel like I am getting screwed.

I don't know, but it would be nice to get some help from her. I don't want her to have to struggle like I did...I don't hate her like that. But come on now I think. It's been 2 years and now help. She's only $4000 behind...not some $20,000 like other I her about in the news. But a couple hundred a month would help right about now.

I would think some women would make house payments on CS, buy cars, clothes etc etc....Well some do...my ex lost her 2005 Mazda 6 when CS stopped from me...

I had a 90 Beretta with 250,000 miles on it...guess what. 2 months after I got custody I got nailed in the side and they totaled the car, I got $1200 for it. Out a vehicle that ran great, was paid off and I am back to making payments. Oh yeh, no 2005 for me...I got a cheap '99 grand pix...which is now racking up tons of miles driving back and forth for visitation. I spend almost about what I "saved" by not having to pay CS in gas now.

I've called CS and they keep giving the run around...Iowa is suppose to handle it...call Iowa and they haven't entered it in the system yet. Call MN and they sent everything down...Iowa is suppose to handle it don't call Iowa call MN they say.

I am beginning to think there is enforcement difference between sexes. MN just did a study and found differences in enforcement by county and wondered why that is. DUH...everybody knows it difference with the judges...just like with visitation cases, custody cases...its the judge's not the counties.

What can a person do to get some action if you're a guy that is owed CS? I know that sounds sexist or bad but that is what I am feeling now. I wasn't mad before but after 2 years my patience is running thinner now.

Any ideas? Any thoughts? Am I thinking right? or am I just thinking vindictively now?

[Sunshine1]

Hi HATE!!!!  :)

I am very happy to see you on here.  I didn't know you got him back??  That is incredible!  I wondered how you were doing these days!

Boy can we relate to your situation.  We have the same problem with a deat beat mother.  She racked up 5000.00 in back support and then went and quit her job and went to a therapist and lo and behold she is mentally ill and on social security now!?  You better hope that doesn't happen because if it does and she never really worked you are looking at a grand total of 12.00 a month in social security benefits.  My husband gets 24.00 a month for the two kids combined.  WOW!  That isn't even a week of lunch money!

You need to keep calling every other week on this. IA and MN until you get an answer.  When your worker doesn't answer...call her boss, and when they still don't know what the hell is going on, call their boss.  It worked for us and they even took her license for a little bit, but then she threw in this social security game and now she doesn't have to pay a dime!  Nothing, nada.  Thanks to the great citizens of MN that fund her worthless ass.  I know it is painful to pay taxes for these worthless piles.

So I am done with my rant.  I am very happy to hear that your son is doing so well, and even though you are disgruntal, I can tell that you are doing a lot better too. ;-)

Look at it this way, you can totally say that you single handedly raised your children (congratulations by the way on your new arrival) with only you and your GF.  Doesn't that make you feel better? (probably not right now LOL, but it will later I promise.  I enjoy knowing that my blood and sweat went to raise MY stepchildren with no help from that mental case.  It makes me all fuzzy inside!

Keep plugging away hate, it does get better!  I will send happy blessings to your family!

Pop in more often!!!!  Sunshine~ :)

[msme]

You are not alone. My son got custody of his kids & she was given the minimum CS, $200 a month for 3 kids. My son was paying $1,200 a month. She didn't pay but nothing was done.

Then the state closed the county CS office. My son calls & asks what happens to the account & the collections. The woman told him to just keep paying his CS & don't worry about it & hung up on him.

Boy was he mad. He wrote a hot letter to the state AG since it was his office that was now in charge of CS collections. He said that he was irate that the clerk would presume that he was the NCP, just because he was male.

It really rocked things all the way down the ladder. They called & apologized to him & whenever he calls, he is treated with the utmost respect. I think they have his account tagged. LOL

It took 3 years but they finally made her serve 30 days on weekends for non-payment. Yeah. LOL

Good luck & God bless.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[janM]

Or rather, my son is.
BM gave him custody, first temp, then perm. in 02. In 03, after she failed to pay him on her own as promised, he filed for CS. After nothing was paid for a few months, they started sending her notices. Took her to court a couple times, one time found her in contempt and gave her a month in jail, suspended, provided she start paying within a month. 2 weeks later they told her to go to a job finding program. She showed up to that at the last minute. Got a job, and as soon as CSEA found out where she was working and sent the papers, she quit (always claiming illness but never produced dr notes).

Spring of 05, she gets a job. 3 small payments are made thru garnishment, then she gets sick again.

Fall of 05, they take her to court that she doesn't show for, says she doesn't have a car and that she's working. Prosecutor tells son at court to let them know if he doesn't get any payments cause she quit. Well she quits within the week so he doesn't get anything.

They are now taking her to court in a couple weeks to enforce the sentence. She is nearing 9,000 in arrears (285 a month).

If the roles were reversed and my son didn't pay, he would have been in jail long ago and his license taken.

Not sure if it's coincidence or not but things started happening when the case worker left.

Good luck to you. And congrats!

[mishelle2]

You should move to modify your cs order to include transportation costs, also if it is no in your custody order that you meet her 1/2 way.. dont, make her responsible for transport..


but I must say those CS offices are sooo screwed up.. my dh.. pays on time has for past 5 years, we get notice in mail that they are suspending his Drivers lic, due to non payment, .. he calls them says what the heck is going on.. they say.. oops.. we entered the wrong date in computer system, so they put it in as him paying 2 times in one month vs on the correct month it should be!!

And, he has filed for a mod..5 times.. each time his (female) worker has denied due to no change in circumstance, .. he got a new worker (male) filed for mod.. and what do you know.. its been approved.

ticks me off......................

[kels]

From my own personal experience, helping my husband with his ex, I have learned ALOT. It doesn't hurt that I work for our attorney either ;)

Sometimes you have to go over everyones heads. Make waves. The squeeky wheel gets the lube etc.
When the child support office in our county failed to do their job, I went to the state child support enforcement office (by phone and email). In fact, I made it through to the top dog. I told her what was going on and what was not going on. The county office didn't like it when the heirarchy came calling.

If you are dealing with a bunch of schmucks in a county office, I strongly suggest you leave footy prints on their heads on your way to the top.

[ape032]

Just be thankful you were awarded child support. My husband got cusotdy of his 2 kids 2 years ago. Ex gets the kids for the summer, but we still have one full day a week, EOW and odd/even holiday. She was not ordered to pay any child support!! We pay for all activities, school clothes, supplies, medical and dental insurance- oh, I'm sorry- she pays 1/2 of the $20 do-pay.  That is her one and only financial obligation!! Her justification of this is that we got what we wanted- with custody comes expenses.  I guess she doesn't remember the $900 a month she received in child support or the $1000 a month house payment he was required to pay for the first year following the divorce.

[janM]

I found an interesting article in our local paper.

It's about a father of 5 who is 2000 in arrears and pled guilty to non-support in September. He was just sentenced to 180 days in jail. He's not in our county but not far. Since his plea, he's paid $125. He could have stayed out of jail by paying the arrears and making monthly payments.

Our bm is facing a month and she's nearing 9 grand in arrears. Maybe my son should show this article to the asst prosecuting atty...

I'll post what happens tomorrow.

[janM]

while she has a chance to apply for a public defender (her hubby makes too much) or get a lawyer.

Seems this is a new contempt so we start over. Son is not happy.

[KAT]

Ah heck, our biotroll was thousands in arrears when she was awarded custody...and that was after DH had to fight with CSE to FIND his records & serve the hag for several years before he was awarded 80.00 per month for 2 kids. The judge stated "I'm not going to force her to pay you ANY of the arrears. Can YOU NOT see that she is indigent and needs YOUR money to pay her bills!" Heck, we are talking about a 35 year old woman here but who would have thought huh? Then the judge asked me how much I made since it was obvious she (judge) didn't feel that 2k per month was enough to support the two teenage brats AND the ex cow. It was so bad, so horribly bias that if she had the power the judge would have ordered Hubby to give the ex our house & our cars. She had obvious hate for both of us (she put me out in the hallway once during the trial) and felt very sorry for the large spotted brown cow in bright pink matching sweats (yes, in court, gotta' reek of poverty & frantically remove all those facial piercing before entering the court room) with tears dripping down her moon pie face *sniffle*.  Of course it would have cost more then what it was worth to appeal and the judge knew that when she made her ruling. This is one bias judge that really really needs to be removed from the bench. It has happened before in Virginia Beach and it won't be the last either.

On a lighter note c/s was terminated in Sept. & bio was arrested in Nov. for prostitution. I actually feel sorry for any of the poor fools that touched her...I'm guessing she takes her teeth out.  Of course she skated on that charge too with only a small fine & 10 days out of 10 suspended. This woman will never do jail time, never. She has a record as long as my arm....it is just incredible. If it was me I'd probably be doing life as a habitual criminal or sumptin'.

KAT