Day care choice

[dadinva2006]

My daughter's mother has enrolled her in an incredibly expensive language school for daycare. I filed for custody a few months ago because out of no where she stopped letting me see my daughter (please note I have been the one to raise my daughter 75% of the time, so this came out of nowhere). She has told me she has filed for child support in her new home state (only been there 3 months). My question is if I am made to pay child support will I have any say in the daycare my daughter is in? If I were ordered to pay half of this it would be over half of my monthly income gone just to daycare. There is no need for her to be in this expensive place (right now her grandmother is paying for it because her mother cannot afford it). When she was with me, her aunt watched her and she only had to be there 5 hours a day.

[Genie]

as for custody. What does the current orders say? Do you share or do you have or what?  Usually you need to be resident of new state for certain length of time to file papers.  What is it in her state?

She can say that this day care is actually a preschool since child will be learning stuff.  I hate to say it but this may be a losing battle for you.  I myself feel that if child is learning then it is good.  And since grandma is paying for it that is her choice to do.  I would make sure she doesn't try to say she is have you reimburse her for 1/2.  Make sure court knows grandma is paying, not BM.

keep us posted.

[Ref]

you are still working on a parenting agreement and no custody orders are set.

If this is the case, by the shear fact that your child is residing with your ex, you will more than likely not be the custodial parent. You need to file for an emergency hearing to gain temporary residential status now if you expect to get primary residential. To add insult to injury, the custody orders can be changed to the state that your ex now lives in if she drags this out only 3 more months and that is SUPER EASY to do.

As far as having decision making regarding daycare in your CS orders, I would say that that is rare. Normally they are in the custody orders. What you will want to do is to have your papers specifically state that you have joint decision making. Make sure you say that it is including but not limited to daycare, school, etracurriculars, and medical care. Make sure it also states that unless parties agree otherwise each parent is responsible for the cost of daycare related to their respective parenting time.

I wouldn't worry about paying 1/2 the childcare. To counter something like that get prices for other daycare and have your relative that can sit go to court with you. You can show that the cost is above what is reasonable and available and you might have to pay half of what THAT cost is.

Good Luck
Ref

[dadinva2006]

The daycare she is enrolled in is a language school (specific to mother's culture), it is not a regular daycare. My feelings are that if it is so important for her to learn this language, why not teach her at home instead of spending tons of money on this school. My daughter speaks spanish as well because that is what I am and I have taught it to her. Will the fact that it is a language school have any bearing on whether or not I have to pay for it?

[Ref]

what a judge will do but I think you have a good arguement that it is above and beyond traditional daycare. I would think a fair judge would have you split the costs based on % of your incomes but that's just a guess.

[dadinva2006]

split the cost of this costly daycare? or allow me to locate a regular reasonably priced daycare and split the cost of that?

[Genie]

there should be no spliting the cost of this day care place.

I would make sure you put wording in there for the future though.  Make sure it states that you will not split this one as long as Grandma pays and all costs must be R&C.

Now I don't know the age of your daughter but this could be considered PreSchool!!!!   I stated that above.  That would justify the higher price.

[dadinva2006]

It is preschool, but it is an extremly expensive one. I know BM is going to claim that she has been paying for this, but her grandma told me herself she was paying. Even paying half of this alone would be over 25% of my income and this is not including regular child support. Not to mention I have an infant son at home.

[dadinva2006]

Do some states have limits on the amount a parent can be made to pay for daycare?

[Cookiemomma4]

I know here in PA, if the child is going to a private school (which a preschool would be along with not being mandated by the state) then either the parents have to agree or it needs to be paid for by the parent who chooses  it as in the case of one of my friends.  Custodial mother wanted him in a preschool and catholic school later.  Both were shot down by domestics as something that the father had to pay for because it was not a nec expense.  Daycare may be, preschool is not.  School (starting at 1st grade here) is private school is not. I would look into things and see if the same is true where you are.