To all the GOOD fathers out there............

[sheliblue118]

I've read so much from the responsible fathers out there, and I have to post a Kudos to you all -

Unfortunately, it seems as though the deadbeat fathers are the ones who are in the majority and they give a bad name to you all who try to do what is best for your children.

I have one of those deadbeat fathers for an ex and he appealed the divorce judgement for child support.  

There is no stay that says he doesn't have to pay until the Court of Special Appeals makes a decision (it's been since October 15, 2005 that the case was heard) - so now he's in arrears $17,000 and I've had to try to move heaven and earth to get SOMEBODY to enforce the child support order - my local CSEA here in Maryland has suspended his license 3 times and given it back to him (WITHOUT ANY PAYMENT MADE) all 3 times because he promised he would pay - ha ha - he was also arrested for driving on one of those suspensions, and his attorney wrote a letter to the States Attorney's office misrepresenting the entire case (oh excuse me, she LIED) - she knew FULL WELL ex was in NON-compliance, yet, her letter produced a verdict of NOLLE PROSEQUE - in otherwords, States Atty decided not to prosecute.  There have been 2 contempt hearings scheduled and postponed because the same court that issued the child support order, says we should wait to find Ex in contempt until the appeal is decided - In the meantime, I feed and clothe my 3 growing teenagers on WHAT?? Welfare, church assistance, food from food kitchens, my parents, etc.

His license was suspended a 4th time recently, he was arrested for driving on suspended - hopefully, they will prosecute this time and get child support for me.

So, you fathers who ARE taking responsibility and are interested in your children's lives and welfare, I applaud you and apologize for the ex wives who have made it so difficult for you - the kids are the ones who suffer in ALL of these cases, and it's heart wrenching and frustruating for those of us who DO have our children's best interest in our hearts.

Thanks to all of you who love your children enough to WANT the best you can do for them.

[cinb85]

There are MANY good fathers out there, but unfortunately the deadbeats make it hard for the good Dads!!!

I know what you are going through.  I've been through pretty much the same thing with my ex.  

I was wondering, though, how you expect to get child support from him when he is arrested for driving on a suspended license?  My ex has been arrested MANY times for various things.  When he is in jail for a crime, he is able to get the child support stopped for the time that he is in jail.  The arrears also do not add up while he's in jail.  It just stops until he gets out.  Then, once he gets out, I have to file to have the child support reinstated.  Then, it takes several months before the child support office tries to enforce the order and make him come up with any money.  I hope that this is not the case with your ex.

Good luck to you!

I too, applaud all of those fathers who truly are a part of their children's lives and do everything that they can for their children!!!!

[VeronicaGia]

First, deadbeat fathers are not in the majority.  The last statistics I read from the U.S. Census bureau stated that between 70 - 75% of fathers pay all of their support on time and in full monthly, versus only about 45% of women.  Also, the 45% number is still wrong, because most women are CP's and the statistic doesn't take the "stay at home mom" factor into account, so 45% is probably high.

Secondly, dads are not wallets/ATM machines.  If all fathers are good for is paying, why should they pay?  Is a father who pays all the time but never sees his kids a good father or a deadbeat?

Finally you say:  "I feed and clothe my 3 growing teenagers on WHAT?? Welfare, church assistance, food from food kitchens, my parents, etc."

Do you have a job?  If not, why not?  If you're strictly judging dad on whether or not he pays and you don't have a job, you too are a deabeat.  Don't get upset, just trying to make a point.  If you are on welfare, then we the taxpayers are supporting your kids, not you and not your ex.

[cinb85]

Not sure what the latest statistics are, but it is true that deadbeat fathers make it tough for those fathers who are sincerely trying to financially, physically and emotionally support their children.

I don't believe that the poster thinks that dads are wallets/ATM machines.  Money isn't everything.  Most of us who don't receive CS would LOVE for the bio-father to at least spend some time with the children, take them to the park, read them a book, etc.  Unfortunately most deadbeats don't even do that.

You are assuming that this person doesn't have a job just because they had to rely on welfare, assistance, food kitchens, etc.  Maybe they don't, but they might be working and just need some extra help to make ends meet.   I have had the same job for 25 years (a decent job) and I had to rely on assistance, food kitchens and hand-outs because I couldn't get by on my salary.  A parent does what they have to do to provide for their children.

By the way, my ex (who doesn't support our daughter financially, emotionally, or physically) gets welfare, which means, that we as taxpayers are supporting him.  How do you think that makes me feel!

This person was trying give kudos to all of the great dads out there who are doing what's right for their children.  Although their statistics might be incorrect, their reason for this post was to acknowledge that there are many good dads out there.

Again, I think that you were a little to harsh on the poster, but you have a right to your opinion.  I wish you the best!

[Giggles]

hehehe  My X just got stopped for driving on a suspended DL.  The kicker is that CSE wasn't the ones who suspended his DL....he got in a accident and lost it because of that.  He's over $15K in arrears and couldn't give a rats ass about our daughter :-( grrrr

MD sucks when it comes to CS enforcement!!!  I haven't received any CS in 1.5 years...did CSE do anything about it?? NOPE  They 1/2 @$$ tried for a contempt but claimed he couldn't be served eventhough I gave them his address, work address, telephone numbers, etc.

It's rough and I wish you the best...

[Giggles]

I live in MD and make about $56K a year...any other place and I'd live like a Queen...NOT HERE!!!  I'm barely scraping by and I am considered "LOW INCOME"!!! because what I make is 35% below "median" income.  Sad huh??

To assume that the poster is not working is like Cin said...HARSH!!  One cannot live in this state with out employment and most times what you make here is NOT adequate to cover Housing, food, clothing, etc....so if you're one of the lucky ones to get assistance...it's still NOT ENOUGH.

[notnew]

I live in MD too. Let me say first off - that this is notnew's wife today.

He goes through CSE becuase ex filed false allegations saying he didn't pay so he requested it for proof of payment. They treat him like garbage and I hate it. I also know that the way CSE collects and posts the payments make it look like you are always behind (just a week or so at a time). I have heard states get federal funds for collecting from "deadbeat" parents. So, if they inflate the numbers of deadbeats and collect, they qualify for more funds. Makes perfect sense doesn't it?

You are SO RIGHT about how much it costs to live here. We are scraping by too and with gas at like $2.95 - $3.10 around the area - it gets worse everyday. In my county it was recently reported that a single person making $45,000 per year cannot afford to live in that county. We co-own a home with two relatives. It has been a rocky road from time to time, but there is enough room to give us separate spaces (just barely) and together we can make it happen, but separately, none of us could.

I don't think you have to go through CSE to file contempt or ask for a modification to CS. I think you can file the paperwork yourself in the court. I may be wrong, but DH's ex tried to pull this crap while in the middle of a custody mod and she hasn't been working for several months. It was denied, but not because it didn't go through CSE.

Yeah - and ex not working for 6 months and still living in her home with the lights, cable and phone on. How in the heck can she be paying the bills????? She needs to start selling that secret formula, cause I'd be buying that book!

Yeah - the other post was a little harsh. They may be stinging from some recent activities so we may just need to be a little understanding who knows.

Good luck - I hope you all get to collect your CS. NO fair! I thought they would do better than that!

[VeronicaGia]

I don't know if our poster works or not, but it appears not.  She's got a few teenagers and she's still relying on her parents, welfare, food kitchens, etc., for support, and her ex.  Why is her ex the only deadbeat?  When does she have to start being an adult and keeping up her legal and moral end of financially supporting the kids?  When do her parents get off the hook for helping to support her?  

You mention that your ex gets welfare.  Somehow society views it as a needs based issue if it is a woman, but a deadbeat issue if it is a man getting welfare.  Well, personally I don't want to support any able bodied adult or their kids.

I didn't reply to this post to argue, but I'm tired of the double standard.  Two people created the child, to call one a deadbeat when neither are supporting their kids is insanity.  To call only men deadbeats when women are much less likely to financially support their kids is plain wrong.  No matter how much money society tries to throw at supporting kids, no amount of money is going to fix what is wrong when once sex is constantly "awarded" the sole caretaker and the other is deemed the visitor (if he's lucky) and the payor.

[cinb85]

I worked two jobs (and at one time three jobs) and I still had to rely on my parents, churches, food banks to make ends meet when our daughter was very young.

I don't want to support ANY able-bodied adult either.  My ex is 42 years old, has 7 children (by 4 different women) who he does not support financially, emotionally, or physically, yet the state grants him welfare checks.  Doesn't seem fair to me!

I don't think that the poster likes double-standards either.  She was applauding all of those fathers who are doing what's right for their children!  No one said that ONLY men are deadbeats.  

Sounds like you have had a rough time with the courts and your situation and I am sorry about that, but we can't assume that all CPs are vicious money-hungry people, just as we can't assume that all NCPs are deadbeats.  We need to listen to each other's views without being harsh in our responses to each other.

Good luck to you!

[VeronicaGia]

I've never been in court in my life except to serve jury duty.

Do you think it's fair when women collect welfare when they have kids?  If so, why not men.

Finally, our poster is not here to elaborate on her situation.  No reason to continue without more info from our poster.