Cathy....How did it go today? NM

[ocean]

...

[cathy]

We did offer if she paid the arrears, we would waive future child support.  She told our lawyer that she couldn't get that kind of money, and no one in her family would give her that kind of money "to give to Tom". (Tom is my husband).

So we go into court.  This is child support enforcement court, and just from the one time we  have been before, it is obvious that this judge is very loose with the rules and seems to favor the NCP and give them every chance in the world.  Since she was the one that set this date for review, we thought we would just see what happened.

First thing - the court didn't have the current file.  It looks like the file they had went only to 2004 - which covered the time while my husband was paying child support.  So the judge didn't have her notes and was clueless as to what was going on.

She did get on Lynn (the ex) because she had not brought the subpoenaed items to court in case she was ruled against on her motion to quash.   So during that conversation, we find out that she has quit her job and applied for disability.

Now this is odd.  The judge asked if this was disability thru social security or private company.  It is thru social security.  When our lawyer mentioned wanted to know about her listing the girls for benefits, the judges said that SSA doesn't provide benefits for kids???  It was very odd and confusing -- it sounded like she was saying that "SSA" didn't, but SSI did????   So trying to find more info on that.

Judge explained to her that she needed proof that she couldn't work - both for court and disability.  That she needed to bring in a letter from her doctor that specifically said that she could not work.  Judge also clued her in that she could count on being turned down for disability, and with the backup, she was probably looking at at least a year to appeal.   I'm sure Lynn probably thinks she just fills out the paper work and says "I can't work" and she gets a check the next week.  

We then got to the issue of Lynn's husband's income, so that credit could be properly calculated for their child.  Lynn shook her head and said that her husband refused to give that information!   I WAS STUNNED!  Even more so that the judge allowed her to get away with that.  (My husband must have huffed when she said that and the judge got on him.  Told him there would be no huffing, this was a serious matter, and we were dealing with a very sick woman here.   Kind of annoyed me because he obviously was huffing about the husband's (the man who molested his daughters) refusal to give his income - - - AND we have seen no proof that this is a "very sick woman".  From everything I have read, thyroid cancer is just not that big of a deal)  About, back on track!  So the judge finally drug it out of her where he worked, what he did, and a general idea of his salary.  Give me a break!

So we now have a new court date - - Oct 27th - - - where she is suppose to bring all this stuff.

We really don't want to forgive the arrears, and if she is going to continue to have to pay them, we still aren't rid of dealing with her.  So I guess we will just see where the judge goes with this.  I'm rather curious at this point to see.  

The big thing is the disability.  We really want to find out what the deal is on that because our understanding is that the girls would be entitled to benefits, and if so, we would want to collect them (and make sure SHE didn't collect them)  and put in their college fund.

Wow - - guess I ended up writing a book there!  Like I said - we are torn.  We go back and forth we all this.  We want to be rid of her, but we don't want her to get off that easy.  The only thing I do know is that I am very very glad we don't have to depend on child support as screwed up as the system is.

Oh - one interesting note - - She did bring her paystubs for the last 4-5 months.  She did go to parttime, but during that time - she didn't take ANY sick leave at all!  She has 138 hours of PDO accumulated, so it isn't like she didn't have any sick days left.   Doesn't it seem rather odd that someone that is so sick they can't work and is trying to get disability didn't even take a single sick day in the past 4-5 months??

Sorry for going on and on - - - thanks for asking!! I'm sure this was probably more than you wanted to know!! :-)    

[ocean]

Nah...I wanted to see how different judges rule.I do not know about SSA? I will have to ask about that. SSD, you can call on and see if she has it in the system if you know her social secuirty number but I can tell you that it took a very long time and they kept asking for proof for months. I think you can put an application in for the kids and if/when she does get it, you will automatically get it too. Our sit is different in that my ex applied for and got perm. disability. If this is just for her to get treatment she may not qualify because from my understanding, you have to be out of work for 6 months.
Side note- my SD's BM took back ex to court last week and was able to get 17% of the disability check PLUS disabilty for SD  from the state. The judge told ex this was the law and she is entitled to both. I go in 2 weeks to see about the downward modification ex put in for our kids.... we will see...

[cathy]

I think when the judge said "SSA" she may have actually meant SSA - as in Social Security Administration. - - - as opposed to getting disabillity from a private company.

I'm sure the Lynn (the ex) is probably filling for perm. disability based on having thyroid cancer.  And I'm sure she probably thinks she just files and gets it.  She is capable of working - she just doesn't want to!  She never has and she sees this as an excuse.  And yeah, I'm sure that there are some days she doesn't feel great - but that's true with everyone.

I just think this judge is somewhat of a whack job and does pretty much what she wants - whether it is what the law/guidelines say or not.  And I'm sure she just sees the surface - a man who makes a good bit more than $100K, and this "Oh woe is me, I'm so sick" woman who can't work.  

And really, I can understand that.  If that was as much as I knew, I'd probably think - what a jerk, you don't need the money, leave the poor, sick lady alone.   But I know the history.  I know how she has thrown her own daughters to the wolves, letting them be molested to keep a roof over her head.  I know how she has tried to weasel out of paying child support before by sacrificing her older son.  

So - it is very frustrating.  Especially when I see how they calculated the pathetic $66/month she is now paying and I compare that to the way the statutues SAY it is suppose to be calculated.  It is just plain WRONG.  I don't care if the judge does change it from the guidelines due to circumstatnces - - - the calculator should work the same.  But the calculator on the state's DHHS site for CSE gives a very different answer than the calculator the court used.  And DHHS site's certainly seems to follow the statutues

Oh well - I guess that is a different rant!  I think I may call SSA and explain the situation and see what they say about benefits for the girls.

[ocean]

Yeah, I just asked about that SSA(?)
If she applies for SSI-...that is based on income and the girls would NOT get anything from that. (money , food card) but she has a husband so I she probably would be denied that?
If BM gets SSD that is straight disability, the Skids can claim HALF BM's amount. You are in NY? The number I have is 1800-772-1213. Your DH may have to call on the kids behalf. He will also have to be the one to fill out the papers. I filed over the phone and then when ex was approved they called me in to sign paperwork and bring birth certificates. You should also have a local number you could call too.
Is there a way your lawyer could give the judge an updated one page fill-you-in letter??? I guess the problem is that she is not receiving anything for them to garinsh right now. BM also should have gotten something in the mail that states her case is in review/process. Can your lawyer get a copy of that at least?

[cathy]

We are in NC.   BM is getting ready to move to Florida from what we gather.

I am hoping that the file will be found for the Oct 27 date.  If not, I may write up a very brief summary and give to our lawyer to see if the judge might review it - - but this seems to be a very head-strong judge who doesn't seem to want to listen very much!

I'm not sure what you mean by garnishing - -  BM's wages were suppose to be garnished, but it never got set up for some reason.  When we were in court back in April, it came up and BM was suppose to give the court the info to get that set up.   Guess that didn't happen.

I don't know that there was a letter about the case being reviewed.  What happen is that BM had to go to court in March because she missed her CS payment in January.  She did end up paying it in Feb, but they don't mess around with that.  You miss a month, they have you come in to court.  We didn't go, but our lawyer went.   BM starting saying that the state was harrassing her, and that she couldn't pay that much and needed it lowered cause she was sick and blah blah.  Judge told her to file a motion to modify.  

That is how we got to court in April.  She shows up to court with nothing but a letter from her doctor.  I'm not sure what it said because we never got a copy.  Hubby says it just said it was pretty generic and said that she needed to cut back her hours.  Didn't say how much, how long, etc - -   BM stated she had put in at work to go part-time.  Judge couldn't get her to even answer how many hours she was going to be working!  I have to say - this judge is MUCH more patient than I would be.  It was really ridiculous.  BM finally produced a paystub she happened to have and the judge took the hourly rate for this and just arbitrarily used 25 hours a week (I think) and calculated an income.  

So - they used this "made up" income for BM, taking her from working full-time to part-time.  They mis-calculated CS based on this and came up with $66 a month.  She had been paying $340 a month.  So the judge set this amount without judgement and set the Sept 15 date to review to see what actually happened.   Cute, huh?  

This court is just insane.  

[ocean]

Now I remember the beginning of all of this...:)
$66 is a joke!
She is not working now so how is she paying through this summer? Right now they have no job to garnish from right? I have found that dr's will write pretty much anything you want on a prescription pad so is there any way your lawyer could get past that? If you file for the kids and then they send you a denial letter stating BM does not qualify that would be good to bring to court. I guess she is making it by money wise now, so what is stopping her from never going back?
I think that number to SSD is a national number (but I could be wrong).

[tigger]

eom

[cathy]

She doesn't seem to bother with what the law says, does she?  And she definitely seems to favor the party that is paying the CS.

Frankly, I was rather surprised when she lowered the child support based on nothing more that a dr's letter saying she needed to "cut back" her hours, and Lynn's word that she had put in to go part time at the end of the month.  Lynn couldn't even answer how many hours she would be working!!  

But did that stop the judge?  Oh no!  She didn't worry about finding out exactly what the dr meant by "cutting back" - so far as how much/how long/etc.  She didn't bother needing some proof that Lynn actually was going to part time and what exactly that meant.  Oh no - - she just plucked a number out of the air.  Then they feed this number into the calculator - that is wrong!

Yeah -you've seen her. Do you think it would do any good to try to tell her that her numbers were wrong?  :)

Tom and I talked more this weekend and we just decided it was time to let it go.  It was never about the money anyway - - and it just isn't worth it anymore.  Even if Judge Dingbat put the support back to the $340/month is was before, it isn't worth it.  It isn't worth having to see Lynn and hear her whiney voice, it isn't worth dealing with that judge, it isn't worth going downtown to court -- -  It just isn't worth it - -- - it is time to just let it go.

Hope things are going well for you!

[tigger]

though they had not filed for a reduction in CS that they should be allowed to do it right then.  She cut it in half that day, we were only in court to have it go through CSE since he (well, his wife really) had played around with the timing of CS.  We went back in 6 weeks and she decided that 1) even though he was the one who asked for the reduction, it was okay that he didn't bring in the required papers (no W2's even though it should have been available to him) 2) they would accept a "statement" despite my protests that the statement wasn't accurate, they wanted to divide it by the wrong number of weeks (50, should have been 49) and 3) I was in arrears!!!  ????  CS went from 752 for two kids to 111 for one.  That was in February.  It'll go to 150 in March and then 450 in June.  Whatever.  Really wish I had never been dependent on it.  

C is still not speaking to me.  Again, whatever.  More but I won't post it here.  E-mail me if you want all the goofy details.