mother doesnt know when to stop

[olanna]

I was thinking along the same lines. I send friendly reminders to my son's Dad about important school dates, meetings, field trips, etc...

Sounds a bit of a tit for tat thing, to me.

[foughtandwon]

>How far does mom live from you?  Maybe YOU could provide her
>with school info so that she doesn't have to contact the
>school.  Give her a school calendar, tell her who your son's
>teacher is, occasionally send her some of his school work.

we live 1400 miles apart.
i have thought about sending her some but you would have to be in my shoes to under stand.
it is honestly in my sons best intrest that she not be involved with his school. for one she has done nothing to help him there. he is 5 years old and like i said before he didnt even know numbers 1-3 or any letters. yet we would tell me of all the video games he played at moms house.

if she was to have the school number she would constatly be pestering the teacher and office staff. she would talk her lies and pretty change the way teachers view my son.
right now he is in a stable home and has a solid routine i stck to.  

honestly if she was so concerned for her children she would have complied with CPS request. she still has a chance to get her daughter back but she still wont comply with CPS.

[LizaLou1]

I would suggest you treat her exactly like you would want to be treated.  Take the high road.  What is the harm in her having medical and school info?  It is, what it is.  IMO, by withholding it looks like your hiding something.

My next statement is NOT about you so don't get offended.  But too many times the legal system/winner take all attitudes cause conflight where there should be none.  

Parents (plural) should raise children not the legal system.  It's so sad when a parent acts against the the best interest of their children because the hate their ex.  Been there with CPS, so I feel your pain.

LizaLou

[olanna]

"it is honestly in my sons best intrest that she not be involved with his school. for one she has done nothing to help him there."

Um, no it is honestly in his best interest if you do get her involved in his school, so she can learn how to help him and understand what the expectation is for him to do well.  It sounds like she never was involved in his learning process and it would be to your son's benefit to have both parents involved.

You don't have to play god with the school staff. They have seen it all before and they can see through people that are trying to help and those that are trying to hinder. Your ex isn't the first case or the last case they will deal with.

[foughtandwon]

>I was thinking along the same lines. I send friendly
>reminders to my son's Dad about important school dates,
>meetings, field trips, etc...
>
>Sounds a bit of a tit for tat thing, to me.

you know if she was willing to work together on things that would be great but she has nothing but bad intentions.  from flat out lying on the stand to directly insulting my family

i know people probably say it on here all the time but she is really mentaly disturbed. she cant see the fact that he is better off with me.

i even offerd joint custody in mediation and she threw it in my face. once it was clear i was going to get custody i then offerd joint legal custody and she again threw it in my face.

he concern has always been one thing
a pay check.
she braged at one time about getting child support from me and support  from her ex husband she said if she had 1 more child and got support for it then she wouldnt have to work anymore.

[foughtandwon]

>I would suggest you treat her exactly like you would want to
>be treated.  Take the high road.  What is the harm in her
>having medical and school info?  It is, what it is.  IMO, by
>withholding it looks like your hiding something.
>
>My next statement is NOT about you so don't get offended.  But
>too many times the legal system/winner take all attitudes
>cause conflight where there should be none.  
>
>Parents (plural) should raise children not the legal system.
>It's so sad when a parent acts against the the best interest
>of their children because the hate their ex.  Been there with
>CPS, so I feel your pain.
>
>LizaLou

well thats exactly how i was treating her. it even caused conflict between me and the wife. she felt i was being more supportive of the bm than her. we have worked things out and are fine now.
i offered bm many options and she threw them all in my face.
you can only be the nice guy for so ong when people are craping on you.

i'm with you on the parents should raise and not the legal system. thats i never took her to court for custody before. i paid my support with out the court telling me to(i dont want praise for that, it should always be that way) and day after day i would ask to be in his life and for him to come live /visit with me.  for 5 years i kept hope alive that one days she would see the good in that and agree. she never did and the only reason i got custody is because CPS was involved. so its not that i took her to court to take him away she took her self to court and gave him away.

when he was first born her dad even told me that if we ever went to court he would fight me every step of the way.

[olanna]

WE can all thank the family courts and judges for the attitude you describe. If CS awards were limited to what the Feds say it takes to raise a child, the custody awards would be much more equal, as having custody wouldn't propose the profit it does today.

You have to remember that there is a stigma attached to any NCP. For men it's one and for women it is another.

Maybe if you just keep on doing what is best for your son, everything will fall into place. And as much as you might not want to hear this, working together with his mom, even if she is an idiot, is really what is best for your son. If he sees you respect another adult and treat them fairly, he will learn so much from it.

I wish you all the best.

[foughtandwon]

>
>Um, no it is honestly in his best interest if you do get her
>involved in his school, so she can learn how to help him and
>understand what the expectation is for him to do well.  It
>sounds like she never was involved in his learning process and
>it would be to your son's benefit to have both parents
>involved.
>

i'm gonna hve to disagree with you. i am all about the 2 parents and working together thing. however at some point you have to realize in some cases it is better that the child be protected form 1 parent.
she had a simple case plan form CPS to follow.
she made it clear that she put herself before the children and she continues to do so, that is why after 2 years her daughter is still in foster care.
she even pulled the "he's not the father" trick. a quick DNA test proved that to be a lie.

so you tell me how is it in my sons best interest to give his info to a parent who only wants to take him away from me and put him back in harms way??? either by medical or emotion neglect and the posible sexual abuse
he is in a good home now, i have tried numerous times to help his mother and everyting gets thown back in my face.
so i would have to say at this point right now anyway she doesnt need that info.
now if down the road some where she matures and can see that what she was doing was hurting hiim i would reconsider.
but right now she is not thinking straight

[jilly]

>You don't have to play god with the school staff. They have seen it all before and they can see through people that are trying to help and those that are trying to hinder. <

That ain't necessarily so.  My DH had joint legal custody and ex will not share any school information with him. If he asks how things are going he gets a pat response of "everything's fine".  I truly believe Hakuna Matata is her motto! LOL   Last year SD's teacher was very good about sending us EVERYTHING.  This year we're lucky to get anything. PB is a room mother for SD's class so you figure it out.

[olanna]

But whether you give it to her or not, she can get the school information and call the teachers..she doesn't need your permission to do that. (Ask me how I know...)

She also doesn't need your permission to call the doctor and get medical info either...(ask me how I know that, too).

I am not going to argue this with you but I am going to say one time...it is to your benefit and your son's benefit to cooperate.  Custody is never permanent, as anyone on this board can attest.

Best to you.