Court in two weeks...any advice...

[dipper]

My dh was divorced three years ago.  His oldest son chose to live with him, the youngest stayed with mom.  WE are in VA.  Before splitting, his ex was cheating.  DH was doing marijuana.  She called the police and had them search their home - they didnt find anything.  When they actually split - she filed an abuse complaint, complete with bruise.  Oldest son saw incident and dh never laid a finger on her.  DH quickly got off the drugs.  He lived a quiet life, trying to avoid her rants as she would show up at his employment to fuss at him.

DH had one son majority of time as well as other at least 50% of time.  He still had to pay her support and carried insurance.  She did not get a full-time job until oldest child turned 18.  She moved two hours away shortly before we married.  SS has been adamant for months that he wants to live here.  DH did take her to court around the time she moved - it would have been before but her lawyer had scheduling conflicts which gave her time to get ss out of town.  Dh did not have a lawyer.  In court, she told numerous untruths and made false accusations.  They accused dh of saying that he wanted ss so that he would not have to pay support anymore - which never crossed his lips.  He has said many times that if he got ss, he would not even want support from her.  They showed a pic of a old, ratty shoe saying dh sent ss to school in it - child was 12 at the time.  Now, did he wear it to school?  Who knows - there is only a picture to tell - no school statement.  They have joint legal and she never once told dh of any school meetings, results - nothing.  Dh went to other things - PTO, luncheons, DARE graduation, she attended nothing that wasnt requested in writing by a teacher.  Dh has to pay 75% of doc bills and she never sent a bill - just a demand for payment on notebook paper.  Her lawyer asked dh in court what med ss was on for ADHD.  DH didnt know the name - quite the travesty.  Only, months later we discover bm had made the sole decision to take ss off of meds before court ever took place.  The lawyer asked about a drug that wasnt even being given - and dh had not been told this!

Ok.....so, judge granted her basically what she already had - primary and joint legal, while allowing dh more visitation than she was willing and she had to most travelling - which she demanded that dh could see son only if he did all transportation.  DH and I researched his rights and have asserted them.  We even made arrangements for counseling for ss when we had presented her with issues and gave her a month to do so....then she took over.  Every visitation weekend dh requested - she altered in some way....

Now, court is in two weeks.  Her family has nothing to do with ss excepts on holidays.  She hounded oss but he would not move there....so, she has one of her male 20'ish employees staying evenings with ss now while she works.  While dh was the one keeping up with school problems and trying to straighten ss out - she never got after him for problems he was getting into or made him do homework. So, dh seemed like the meanie.  Now, ss is improving - one week - and she goes and buys him a $50 game and her friends are buying him gifts too celebrating.  And of course, this month she didnt say anything about requested visitation.  

I am just worried.  We have invested money in a lawyer.  SS is 13 and has no male role model in his life there - other than the new employee.  But, now she is giving him gifts - she has buying him things for a month - something she never did in the previous three years.  And it seems dh keeping on top of things where she could not shut him out of ss' life actually has bit him in the butt - he seems like the bad guy getting after ss for bad behavior and not doing homework.  He and I are the ones that wanted counseling  - and ss does need it - ADHD with some tendencies to conduct disorder.  Yet, she eats the counselor up while telling ss that he doesnt need it......................

Is there any hope?  For those of you that have been through it - how do you survive the stress it brings?