Ex wants more CS.....

[pw7285]

Some of the long-standing members have helped me in the past and it is greatly appreciated.

My ex feels that she should have an increase in support for no other reason than she has accrued some debt and feels I should pay for it.  Our daughter is 8 and lives with my ex in another state.  The ex does not work but goes to school full time in a blended program (online and in class).  We were never married and have been apart for 4.5 years.  I pay $1100 a month in CS, see my daughter every 8-10 weeks, pay for ALL of my own expenses, talk to her almost everyday, provide great medical insurance for my daughter which includes an additional FSA card for mom to use for co-pays and medication when needed and also help with school clothes, supplies and whatever else is needed. I even went as far has sending my ex the tax refund difference over the past 3 years when claiming our daughter.  I felt that since she wasn't working and caring for our daughter that she should get the $ not me.

The ex is always on me since I make more $ than I did 4.5 years (~$10K more) that her CS should be adjusted.  Let me be clear, I am all for meeting my obligation for my daughter and if it were deemed that I needed to pay $1500 a month I would have without a question. Here is where the problem is, the ex doesn't realize that 4.5 years ago when she left the state, the CS was calculated with my salary, her paying for daycare of ~$450 a month and ex working part time at $10/hr.  My daughter NEVER went to daycare and obviously doesn't now either and ex never got that job.  So in her mind since I am making a little more and she doesn't work...her support should go up.  Well I have kept track of my salary increases and spoke to my attorney about CS modifications and there are none.  In fact, under the current situation with daughter not in daycare, mom not working and my new salary I should be paying ~$270 LESS than what I am paying now.  I have no intention of lowering my support and compromising my daughters' care because her mother is greedy so I have not pushed for this modification.

I have explained all of this to the ex and she of course doesn't believe me.  She wants proof of my income, thinks that since I paid off some of my bills and vehicle that she should get some of my newly found "extra cash".  A part of me wants her go through the process and petition the court so she can see that I am not in any way screwing her on CS. The other part wants her to just accept that she really doesn't have it that bad and to leave it alone. I am considering a visitation modification but not to lower CS.  Scheduling additional time in the summer for example is like impossible.  I should be getting 4-8 weeks but she only "allows" 2-3 weeks.  Our decree states 4 weeks.

She is an extremely unreasonable person and makes it very difficult for anyone to get along with her.  She blames me for all of her problems and uses our daughter as her excuse for everything.  I have offered many times to care of our daughter until she was done with school but the answer is always NO.  I expect that because without our daughter, what would she have to complain about...

I am very focused on my relationship with my daughter and don't want her moms immature behavior and lack of responsibility to jeopardize it. I am now married to a wonderful women and my wife and I should not have to be responsible for her debt and be harrassed.

Your comments are welcomed.

Thanks -

[Stirling]

If it were me I would explain to the Ex that child support is calculated based on income and doesn't consider expenses, and according to your attorney's calculations child support would likely decrease if she pursued a child support modification.  I would also tell her that you have no desire to reduce child support at this time so you have no intention of initiating a child support modification.  However, if she feels the need to pursue a child support modification, then she would need to initiate it, and that you will gladly pay whatever the new and more correct child supprt amount is, even if it is a reduction.  That will place the ball in her court.  I suspect that she would probably do nothing since that would give her less to complain about, and by doing nothing she can continue to feel like a victim.  JMHO

[ocean]

and if child support goes "up" you will be paying only that and not all the extras she has been getting....Then you buy your daughter the extras when she is with you and send it back with her.

[MixedBag]

I too tried to explain with my most rational (out of them all) EX that CS would go UP and not down like he thought, and it wasn't until DHR/CSE called him and did the explaining that it finally sunk in.

So...I'd like to add that suggestion -- particularly if the parent is paying through DHR.

Many times EXs need to hear it from someone else.

And then I'd sit back, go ahead and let her file.