Just lost at this point

[Indigo Mom]

-----the reason why I asked her was becuase she was talking with another adult about how mean her mom was. I asked her infront of that adult to show that I was not putting things into their head and to make sure I was not actually saying things that I was unaware of out of anger. -----

Don't worry about what others think.  This is a young girl expressing her feelings about her mother.  Why would they think YOU put that into her head?  Don't defend yourself...it makes you look guilty.  Seriously.  Kids DO have opinions of their own.  If she didn't specifically say "my dad said my mom was this" then just let her skip along with her own ideas.

-----As for the childish games, I am sure I am guilty of a few. -----

We ALL are.  The ones that don't admit it are liars.  Until we listen to outsiders, we won't know what we're doing.  Outsiders see things you don't..and that's why you came here.

-----However, you only see part of the whole story. -----

I don't have to hear the whole story to help you.  I'm hearing YOUR side because YOU are seeking help, not the mother.  I'm responding to your words.  

-----I am/have been going on with my life and I constantly have to reassure my child about issues his mother involves him in. -----

Just let him know how much you truly do love him.  Make him your world and leave the mother out of everything.  I believe the only person who should question a child is a GAL (guardian ad litem...attorney for the child).  The more you talk, the more you let out.  The more you let out, the worse you look in your childs eyes.  Shhhh...that's the name of the game.  

-----I know my child is hurtting, but I can not end this-----

You can end your part in the silliness.  While parents are fighting with one another, they lose sight of what's really important...their child.  

-----I dont want to play games, I have asked her on more then one occasion to settle this straight down the middle and said lets let the judge decide. Until then, all I can do is keep the children happy and uninvloved as much as possible.-----

Well, as long as she thinks there's money to be had, it's not going to end in court.  Hell, for that matter, as long as there are attorneys and Judges, consider the next few years of your life a living hell.  Courts promote fighting......

Keep him happy, keep him safe, but most importantly right now...keep him OUT of the problems.  Oh, and listen to outsiders no matter how much our words tork you off.....

[vixtran]

thank you very much for your input. I am very open to criticism. It does not bother me if people can give me unbiased opinions and I always accept them because I know I am not perfect and life is a learning experience. I know I shouldn't worry about what others think, and I usually don't. In some cases though I find it hard not to defend myself. I have never heard of a GAL.  I know this can go on and on and I bet it will. But I am just going to try my best to make my kids happy. We will deal with her as the times come.

[TX]

It's all basically the world of divorce. Your hurt and frustration is written in your words. You've been given some pretty darn good advice and if you can, try to heed to it. Another thing is when you think it can't get worse, it does. Right when you think you have a person figured out, you don't. You think the kids understand and know what is going on, but they don't. They may act and sound like it, but trust me, they are children and don't.

Unfortunately, I deal with the kids of selfish parenting and divorces that tear the living soul out of children. It really makes me wonder what the future holds for the term "family" and "parenting". Another bit of info, the age for depression and prescribtion pills for it keep getting younger and younger.

[JayC]

You need to move on with your life. The time you've wasted and energy you've put into trying to keep your relationship with your ex has set you back tremendously. As someone else has already said, this is only the beginning, and I'm sure there will be future mudslinging and yes, things will get worse. Had you been moving forward you wouldn't have to be on the defensive.

As for finding articles or anything else for that matter, all one needs to do is double-click on a word in any of the posts. This will bring up the search engine results for the word you double-clicked on.

To find examples of "parenting agreements" I simply double-clicked on your words and came up with:

http://www.deltabravo.net/cgi-bin/search.cgi?PHPSESSID=7af45d702228d451a5b20a070a902508&Terms=+parenting+

[vixtran]

I will take all this advice and go with it. I know I am not perfect and I make mistakes. I will look at the parenting plans and see which one suits me best and do what I can. I will keep you all posted..

thank you all very much

[TX]

I do hope you find the joy in Christmas for you and your children. It seems whenever I start really getting bummed out, I'll hear someone's elses story and it makes me realize my life isn't so bad after all.

This is no lie and it just happened a day or so ago. I found myself doing the soul searching I normally do at this time of the year and before I know it, I'm  in the beginning of a self-pity party. I'm by myself and just doing heavy thinking of the "what if's" and so forth. I meet someone that remembered me, but I vaguely remembered her. In general conversation, she mentioned this time last year sitting by her mother dying, four years previous her father. Then, she mentioned this time of the year was just horrible for her. The sorrow that Christmas brings each year to her is the  reminder of her 11 year old daughter. Her daughter was accidently shot and killed three years ago by a teenager. She told me I probably read about it in the paper. So, when people mention that things are bad, and even when I start feeling down, I have to remind myself how much I have to be grateful for. To me, God sends me people like her.  I guess I just wanted to say that let you know so many people really do understand your anguish and all, but be grateful for what you have. Sometimes, it may not seem like much, but it really is in the eyes of somebody. I agree, you really need to grasp hold and take full control of your life so your children have a firm anchor. Your the pillars of the household and it's only going to be you that determines how strong your house is going to stand.  I do wish you a Merry Christmas and hope no matter what outside interference you have, you not let it hinder your Christmas.

[vixtran]

TX, what you are saying is so true. I understand that things could always be worse, and I am grateful they arent. Unlike the woman you spoke of, I have my children to see when it is my time and I still have other things to look forward to.

Today, is my first Chirstmas without my son, but I know I will see him soon, for that I am grateful. I know there is some meaning in all of this and eventually it will work out. It is just hard making it through the "first times"

I hope you have a great Chirstmas and the rest of you that read this also.

In the end, the people who are truthful know they are and someday it will pay off.

God Bless you all and merry Chirstmas