A Lot of good joint legal custody does

[c_alexander]

I jsut got off the phone with my daughter and I am irritated to no end to find out her mother has been leaving her at how alone after school pretty much every day for at least an hour or so. After I specifically asked her not to do this. Our daughter is only 9 years old and way too young ot be left at home alone yet. Indiana law states our daughter must be over 12 years old to be left at home alone, but the idiots in Colorado have no minimum age. When talking to the family and children services director in Colorado about it I was told that there are some households with mature 6 year olds being left at home. What kid of crazy  leaves a 6 yer old at home alone.
What is worse is that although I am SUPPOSE to have some say in this kind of thing, I can't because 1. I can't afford to go back to court.... 2. If I do go back to court all of my concerns will be thrown out the window and instead the court will focus on my child support
3. The courts simply DON'T CARE about my alledged rights.

This really sucks!

[CustodyIQ]

Chris,

Joint legal custody doesn't mean that you each get to dictate the parenting decisions of the other parent.  It means that you each get to make decisions for your child while the child is in your custody.

Just as you can't dictate whether the mother leaves your daughter alone (or prohibits your daughter from wearing hats, or forces peppermint ice cream on her for dessert every night, or drives her in a car that didn't get 5-star crash safety)... the mother can't dictate what parenting decisions you make while you're with your daughter.

If she's not breaking Colorado laws, then imagine how you appear to Colorado authorities who enforce the law.

Your impression of joint legal custody is wrong, hence your conclusions about it are wrong.

You're correct that the courts DON'T CARE about parental rights.  The only person about whom they're supposed to CARE (and which they may not) is the CHILD.

So, as you've heard before on these boards, the best way to help raise your child is to move to Colorado.  It's been quite a while since your daughter moved to CO with her mother.  Make it happen.

Regardless of how unfair your situation is, no amount of complaining will help it.  It's up to you to get to CO... that seems to be the only option to improve it.

Good luck.

[c_alexander]

So then I DON'T have a say in how my daughter is brought up. I have talked extensively to my ex that I don't feel comfortable witha 9 year old being left at home alone. she has promised this would not be a problem and ift would stop...that was last year. Fact of the matter is this, my ex does whatever she wants with our daughter whenever she wants. I am not notified, consulted, asked, or anything. As a matter of fact usually my ex gets very nervous when I ask her about some of the things my daughter tells me is going on there becase she doesn't want me to know.

I just get SO frustrated with a system and an ex wife that have taken away any power I had to raise my daughter.  The state simply makes orders because they don't care. They want their chid support funding from the government. My ex wife doesn't care because she is more concerned about herself then her daughter.

[CustodyIQ]

>I just get SO frustrated with a system and an ex wife that
>have taken away any power I had to raise my daughter.  The
>state simply makes orders because they don't care. They want
>their chid support funding from the government. My ex wife
>doesn't care because she is more concerned about herself then
>her daughter.


Nearly all of that is probably true.  This is why you need to be in Colorado ASAP, no matter the hardship to you.

[kitten]

Even if he is in Colorado, she can and will STILL do what she wants when it is not his visitation.

[sweetnsad]

Let's see....you have a familiar tone about you....could you be Eric, from FIRM?

I see you've started a new website....

Chris, I'm sorry that you are going through this....I can certainly understand your concerns, but there isn't anything you can do about this unless you go back to court and have it put in the court order that she not be left alone until she is, at least, 12 years of age.  I agree that her being left alone for an hour or so, at 9 years old, is not in the best interest of the child.

Unfortunately, joint legal custody doesn't allow you to change the rules in Mom's house.  I know you'd like to be able to have input, but that's all it is to her.  She doesn't care and she's going to do what she wants anyway.

Financially, I know you can't move to Colorado right now, but I surely hope that you can be reunited with your daughter in the near future....and maybe then, you will be able to have the CO changed.

Best of luck to you hon!

[CustodyIQ]

I'll pretend not to be offended that you believe anyone who launches a new website about child custody, and who disagrees with your perspective must be the same a-hole named Eric.

I am a different Eric who has happened to give Chris a small donation in the past for his efforts to move to CO.  This is likely more than most here have done for this young man.  As probably only one "Eric" gave him a donation, he knows who I am.

Empathy and good vibes support doesn't seem to have changed his tune (i.e., complaining about things he cannot change) in the past 6 months, so I'm switching over to tough love.

He may not be able to ever control what happens in the home of his daughter's mom, but I'm sure he'd be at much greater peace with it if he lived 5 miles away and saw his daughter frequently.

[kitten]

Even if he lives five miles away, he is bound by the custody and visitation order and may not see her any more than he does now.  I do agree however that if he were closer, he could possibly get more time with her by requesting a mediation hearing in daughter and BM's county.  

[CustodyIQ]

Kitten,

Not sure why you're so disagreeable to my posts to Chris.

My point is...

If he's not in Colorado, he DEFINITELY WON'T be anymore involved with his daughter than he currently is.

If he moves to Colorado, based upon the history he's outlined and presuming it's true (i.e., a decade of closeness with his daughter), he CAN petition the court of jurisdiction for a new parenting plan given his local proximity, and he MAY get a parenting plan that provides for greater contact between dad and daughter.

Mediation won't work, in that it requires two reasonable parties able to cooperate and compromise.  The mother has shown she has no interest in fostering a relationship with the father, and has taken efforts to thwart that contact.

The ONLY WAY Chris MAY have a chance to improve his situation is to move to Colorado.

Regardless of what's fair or what's just, that's the reality of his situation.

[sweetnsad]

Sorry, but it just seemed like too much of a coincidence.  

My apologies for offending you.

I just thought you seemed too harsh, that's all....:)