Father wants custody, is it possible??

[helpinghim]

I am writing for my boyfriend that needs some advice, but doesn't know a thing about computers.

Background:  He and his exwife, me and my exhusband were next door neighbors for 3 years.  He and I hit it off immediatly, as friends.  We were so comfortable with eachother, things led to an affair between he and I.  I got a divorce in Sept, he in April of the following year.  Things between us were wonderful.  He and his ex share 3 kids, oldest being 12; youngest 6.  My ex and I have 2 kids, oldest 8 and youngest 6.  All the kids (except for his oldest) love to play with eachother.  He moved in with me in September (he was then seperated) and things went wel for awhile.  He had guilt, so he went back to his wife to see if he could make it work.  He couldn't live with her anymore, he wanted to get back together with me.  She has been a stay at home mom for most of the kids' lives, so when the divorce came about, she is receiving alimony and child support.  He wants his kids, 24/7.  She is very verbally abusive to the kids, he has since witnessed it, he goes to her house everyday to spend time with them, since she never does.  She goes on the "I'm a single mom, going to school, working part time, and she has a house to keep", so there is no time to spend with the kids.  He witnesses a lot of verbal arguments over petty things, and they escalate from there.  He is scared to leave them in her care due to the verbal abuse they receive.  She and her oldest can't communicate without yelling and screaming at eachother.  He is there any chance he can get to make sure that the verbal scenes are kept to a minimum.  He wants to take them out of there, but his current living arrangement (with his sister, in her basement) he can't go to court and say I want them, let me have them, and not have their own room (one of his kids is a girl, so she would need a separate room).  He wants to know that if he moves back with me (I have a 3 bedroom home) will the courts frown on that, and what his chances are of getting the kids.  He takes his oldest with him overnight (because he doesn't want to live with his mom anymore) and the other two ask to go most of the time with him.  I have told him he needs to get them out of that environment and he wants to just doesn't know what to do.  She is very adament about me being involved since I am the other woman, I have a harassment order against her for a violent outburst at one of her son's hockey games, she blew up infront of her kids, and slapped me, and went off on her ex husband.  She is emotionally sick, and it scares him (and myself) for her kids to be on the receiving end of that.

Does he have a chance to get the kids.  We live in Minnesota, and I beleive the age requirement for a child to say where they want to live is 12, but I'm not sure.  Are there any dads out there that have been through this?  Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you!!

[hisliltulip]

Hi DH and I are in Minnesota too.

I have to say, there isn't enough info in your post for me to say that he could get custody.

Especially without proper living conditions for three children.  She has a house to raise them in, he's in a basement.

The best I think at this point he can do is get the kids as often as possible, keep a log of how much he has them, then after six months of CONSISTANT time above what is in the custody order, he can request more time.

My DH won custody of his youngest in 2004.  The battle went on for two years before that.  The biggest thing in DH's favor is that he pushed for custody before the divorce was final.  Judges (atleast in our area of MN) don't like switching custody unless there are MAJOR reasons to do so.

Tell him to spend as much time with the kids as possible, telling BM that it is to "help ease the burden" for her.  If she is working and in school, she probably is stressed...

Good Luck.