Summer with SD...

[Miller]

DH has 6 consecutive weeks with SD each summer. He is required to let PB know the dates for those 6 weeks by April 1 each year. During those 6 weeks, the visitation schedule reverses so that SD is with PB on the days/times that she is with us the rest of the year. Also, during those 6 weeks, DH gets one week where SD does not go to PB's so that we can take a vacation. During the remainder of the summer, the schedule is the same as it is during the school year except for one week when we don't see SD since it is PB's vacation week.

Since my job is only 11 months and I'm home for a month each summer, DH always takes his 6 weeks with SD so that they overlap with my time off. This makes it so that I am home with SD for at least 4 of the weeks she is with us. Also, the kids and I are able to do more since I'm not working. This usually consists of day trips to waterparks, museums, etc. and we like that SD is able to be with us for these trips.

Needless to say, PB has a BIG problem with the fact that SD gets 4 weeks at home with me each summer. It irritates her to no end! In the last couple years, she has started raising the issue that we always take the same weeks each summer (beginning of July through mid-August) and this makes it so she can't take her vacation during that time. She has told DH that she feels she should be able to choose her vacation week whenever she wants and if it is during his 6 weeks then he can either start his weeks one week earlier or add a week onto the end. DH has asked her if there is a trip she wants to take that can only occur during his 6 weeks and her answer was that she isn't planning a trip but would just like to be home with SD. Note: in the 8 years that I've been with DH, PB has only taken SD one place during her vacation week...this was a one night trip to an amusement park. PB's summer vacation week has always consisted of them just staying home. And, now PB feels that she should be able to interrupt our summer weeks so she can sit at home with SD. SD plays summer ball and it is during the first part of the summer. PB has said that she is unable to just sit at home during her vacation week with SD because SD has ball practice and games. SD has missed practices and games in the past due to family plans, so it's not that these can't be missed if PB would choose to take an actual vacation.

SD is starting high school next year and will now have commitments this summer for her school activities. She will have commitments with band in July and August (a full week of band camp in August that will be during our 6 weeks) and she will also have commitments in July for volleyball. The band commitments are mandatory...if she misses band camp then it will count against her when school starts. Same for volleyball...if she misses the practices/etc. this summer then it will effect her playing time this Fall. DH has tried pointing these out to PB but she can't seem to understand it.

PB has threatened to file papers against DH with the court asking that she get to choose her vacation week whenever she wants even if it is during his 6 weeks. We do not agree with this request and will fight it if we have to.

Are we wrong? Is it wrong to believe that it makes more sense for us to have SD with us when one of us is able to be home with her? Why should we let PB take a week when I am home in the summer and then this would mean that we get a different week with SD when she would be at our house by herself? DH gets 6 consecutive weeks with SD each year...PB gets the other 46. Every other week...DH goes a week without seeing SD so, technically, PB could take a vacation at that time too.

PB insists that me being home during those weeks in the summer should not matter because it's "DH's time" and not my time with SD. She feels that since I am only a stepparent then my schedule and availability should not be a factor on the summer weeks that DH chooses.

Any thoughts on what a court would have to say about this? Does PB have a chance in getting her way on this one?

[rm1759]

I have no idea legally if she'll be able to get it, but it sounds like her reasoning isn't too sound.  Can you use it as a bargaining tool?  Say your husband agrees to this change in the summer schedule if she gives him extra time during the week, like maybe an overnight every week?  If it were me, I would definitely fight it.  Your arguments sound good, and it seems like she is just being petty, maybe a judge would see that, but it's impossible to tell.  OTOH, if you fight it, it's going to cost her to take you to court, do you really think she will foot that bill over this?

[Miller]

DH already gets an overnight every week so that wouldn't be something to try to bargain with.  DH has felt that if she chooses to involve the attorneys, then he would offer for her to have her choice of a week for her vacation in exchange for SD spending the entire summer with him.

[Kitty C.]

...which will hit her right in the pocketbook.  Tell her if it's that important to HER, and she feels it necessary, then she should take it to court.  BUT.........if she loses, she pays ALL atty. fees and court costs.  Her reaction will tell you whether she's just plain nuts (duh!) or it gives her pause to think hard about what she's asking for.