Condemned for being a Father. I am going to give up now.

[mustang292]

    I am lost in all my emotions and trembling in my boots now. Last year I met a girl who I thought was very sweet.  She filled my head up with her dreams of having a baby.  I am 30 and very successful. I fell into those same dreams and knew I wanted to have children too. We were together for only about a month when we had her take a pregnancy test and yes she was pregnant. It turned out though that she had slept with 3 other men during the time she was with me. I kicked her out. One of her exes took her in. When we all went to the doctor to get a conception date we found that I was most likely the father. Her ex kicked her out. I took her back. We argued constantly until I moved out for a week to calm things down. I then found out that she was bringing men over to my house. I kicked her out. She moved back to where she was from 500 miles away. I told her that I would be there for our child. She didn't care. Her mother called me when she went into labor and I made it to the hospital just in time to watch her ex who had kicked her out walk into the delivery room to watch the birth. I was devastated. I had sent her money, activated her home telephone for her and bought hundreds of dollars worth of baby item. Anyway we had a DNA test done and I was found to be the father by 99.9996%. For about the first 5 months she would only let me see my daughter for 2 hours on a saturday every other week. This is after I traveled 1000 miles round trip each time. I was still doing everything I could but she wouldn't let go of the fact that I kicked her out. Finally I had my lawyer get the court to require a Home Study and dual psychological tests. By the way she had put a protective order on me for yelling at her one time when I visited because she wouldn't give me more time with my daughter. The Judge dismissed. Once she received the order for the tests she called me crying and wanted to work something out. I was desparate to spend time with my daughter so I agreed. She agreed to move back with me but only if I would marry her. I agreed not really wanting to. We were together for about 4 months and I got to spend alot of time with my daughter. No I did not marry her.  Then it started again, she slept with one of her exes, left me at a bar with another man and was contacting other men on the phone and email. I told her I hated her guts and that it was obvious that I was going to have to get custody of my daughter because she was not a responsible mother and that I wanted a refund on the wedding rings that we had on layaway. She said she was going to call a councelor that day while I was at work and see if we could still work something out. When I got home from work she was gone along with my daughter. Later that night the police arrested me for sodomy and forcible sodomy. I spent a day in jail and the next day was another protection order hearing. I had not had time to get a lawyer and the judge extended the PO to the trial date and gave her my second car to use in the meantime. I found a lawyer and he said it would be 20 years minimum to life in prison for the charges and that he was going to charge me $25,000.00 to defend me. I am so tired and shaking in my boots now. I now know why so many children don't know there fathers. The fathers are petrified of what the mothers are going to do. What do I do? I am tired, petrified and am ready to give up on my daughter, I can not take this anymore. The mother should be the one in jail for the emotional torture she has put me through. But no, the court system seems to be completely oblivious to the realities of life.

[ksswthrt74]

First of all, who filed the sodomy charges?  If it was her, how could she if you two were living together?  

DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If something horrible was to happen to the mother, and you weren't no where to be found, then daughter would go to foster care, then you would not be able to ever find her or get her back.

DOCUMENT,DOCUMENT,DOCUMENT, everthing that Mom has done, how much time you have had with your daughter.

You did a good thing by requesting a psych eval on both of you...especially on her.  

What state are you in?  

There is a lot of helpful information on here.

Good luck and Don't give up on your daughter.   If you do, then you are giving up on yourself also.

[nosonew]

It's WWAAAYYY too early in the game to give up now!!  As long as you REALLY didn't sodomize her, she is just playing games, and the courts will realize it.  Although this probably won't be the last of her accusations, sorry to say.  

I suggest you fight this, continue your custody fight, work as much overtime as you can, find a different attorney!, and we wish you the best of luck!

[mustang292]

>It's WWAAAYYY too early in the game to give up now!!  As long
>as you REALLY didn't sodomize her, she is just playing games,
>and the courts will realize it.  Although this probably won't
>be the last of her accusations, sorry to say.  
>
>I suggest you fight this, continue your custody fight, work as
>much overtime as you can, find a different attorney!, and we
>wish you the best of luck!


Your right, that's why I feel I should give up. I have never been so scared in my life and I do not want to feel that again. What good will I be to my daughter if the mother keeps locking me up and all my finances are gone. I gave the mother everything, diamond earings and a matching set for my daughter. Gave her a car to drive and told her she wouldn't have to work, just stay home and take care of our daughter.  I am not in good physical shape and I am already feeling numbness in my left side. I am depressed and tired of fighting for the right thing to do. I was brought up with six children in my family and a mother an father who were always there. I don't know any other way than that. If I continue to fight for my daughter who is only 10 months old now, what will the future hold for her? We now live 500 miles away from each other and there are no job opportunities where she lives at in the mountains. I feel now that It will only put not only my daughter through hell and myself as well. A friend of mine told me to just forget about it and get on with my life as he has because he has been through the same thing. He now has a wife and two other children. If the court system wasn't so threatening and the BM wasn't so vindictive I could see continuing to fight but I just can't see dragging my daughter and myself through hell to get there.  Here is a quote I read:
"When women are afraid of having to share custody or of losing custody of the children, they frequently resort to claims of domestic violence to gain legal advantage.""estimates that about half of all restraining orders are merely legal maneuvers, where there is no real fear of injury on anyone's part."
As long as the court system keeps being hysterical and overracting to false allegations men will always suffer. I'm tired, weak, and drained of everything I am. There are millions of children without their fathers and we are condemned and punished if we try to be there for our children so what's the use. I pray my daughter will grow up happy and safe and will not follow in her mother's footsteps. Please pray for my precious daughter Alexis.

[nosonew]

I understand your reasoning here, and at times my husband very seriously considered giving up all rights to his son, so the child would not have to go through all the crap he was going thru.  HOWEVER, I actually talked him out of it by pointing out the FACT that HE is childs dad, and mom is messed up, so what is his life going to be like without him in it?  Regardless of the court actions, false accusations, etc???

And, beware, you will be financially responsible for this child for many years to come, AND will have NO say in ANYTHING if you give up now.  Unless she gets remarried and new hubby wants to adopt her, you will remain a paycheck for mom.

So, for the BEST INTEREST of this child,
1. Clear your name on the sodomy charges.
2. File a civil suit against her for slander and ask for damages for emotional distress/physical distress (go to your doctor) and attorney fees.  And make sure she is aware that any future false allegations will be dealt with thru civil court.  
3.  After 2 false allegations, talk to your local district attorneys office.  They can also file charges for false allegations.  So get her both ways! (Our DA told us he would file against her and make sure she got at least 90 days in county jail next time she filed a false report).

I know you are scared now, but it's time to pull your pants up and fight back!  Otherwise, she will walk all over you and that little girl!  What kind of role model is she being, and will be in the future!!!!  You need to be a part of that childs life, period.

Let me know what you think, and let me tell you, it won't come cheap.  I think we put our attorneys daughter thru college.  BUT, my stepson now lives with us, and it was HIS choice!  So miracles do happen, it just takes awhile!

[nosonew]

Ask Soc on the Socrates board, he is the legal advisor.  Make sure you tell the story, and list your questions in sequence with numbers.  AND find a new attorney!

[wendl]

Unfortunately many men have to go thru this hell. But if the mother is like this then what will she do or say to your child.

Ask Sco for advice, he is great.

Please don't give up on your daughter, yes, money will be tight, but who can put a price on their child, money isn't love the love that you could give your child, and when you want to give up, come here and vent, we all are going thru alot and understand how difficult this can be.

Also email this man [email protected] you can ask him questions explain what is going on, he works with the best attorneys in the country to fight against false abuse allegations.  He himself was accused of molesting his young daughter, he did 10yrs in prison for something he did not do, now he devotes his life to help others that are facing false allegations.

Prayers to you, your famiyl and let our angel watch over your child.

[PalomaChavez]

:)  I know that I can't really make it better for you,currently my husband and I are going through the same situation with his sons mother. He hasn't been able to see him legally and we are still fighting for it,Emiliano(his sons name) is going to be three years this coming June and he still can't see him. We are still fighting to see him ,we might go to court this Feb.because ,well the truth is  I can't tell you why he cant see his child ,only the mothers now. The thing is we also have spend a lot of money on attorneys and traveling my husband used to live in California and his son lives in Florida,we currently live in Texas, often he has asked me if I think its worth it to fight for him,every time it  seems like it gets more difficult,he wonders if maybe he should just give up that maybe that would be the best for his son and I have told him ,what if later when his son grows up tells him why didn't you fight for me,why werent you there for me? I tell him that I know its tough because I see him every day hurt for his son. I know that things will be better because I dont want it to be any other way,we will keep fighting until the end and I know that we will have a happy ending. But I know we wont know how it all ends unless we try.  Don't give up because you will have your reward and believe me it will be a good one.

[mustang292]

Thank you for the advice, that is what I was looking for. I didn't know I could sue her for this hell she has put me through. But still, my daughter is only 10 months old and to think of the horror stories I have heard of men being thrown in jail for 10 yrs or more because of false allegations the mother made of child abuse makes me tremble. I would always be afraid of being around my own daughter by ourselves without witnesses around me at all times. What kind of life is that for either of us. The funny thing is is that I know that my daughter's mother has been great with our daughter so far, but she told me the reason she wanted to have a baby was to have a best friend who would never leave her. I told her that is not what a parent is for. Children will make their own friends but you must be their parent! So, I think she will be good to my daughter while she is a baby, but when she tries to turn her into a friend is when she will destroy my daughter emotionally. The other thing is that in only 1 year she has moved 6 times! So, yes I know responsibility wise and parental wise I would be without question the most stable parent, but it still brings me back to the chances of going to jail for so many years because the court would possibly believe a beautiful crying woman on the stand and not my bald straight faced self.  I can't fathom the thought. I made a mistake with this woman by getting her pregnant but my daughter is not a mistake. I can only hope that once she gets older she will come find me and learn the truth.

[Indigo Mom]

-----What good will I be to my daughter if the mother keeps locking me up and all my finances are gone. -----

Ok, the jail thing sucks...but you aren't a father because you have cash in your pocket.  What good will you be to your daughter if you bail?  You won't be giving her the chance to know you, and she deserves that.  Times are tough and they'll probably only get tougher.  Walk with your daughter through her life...don't bail just because her mother happens to be an evil shit.