help me help my stepkids

[hskrstepmom]

A situation has arisen and I'm at a loss as to help my husband and stepkids. I hope someone out there can give me some advice as to our best course of action.

The story:

I have 2 stepchildren - 1 boy 6.5 years old and 1 girl 5 years old.

When my husband and his ex divorced, he had physical custody of the kids. She remarried about 1.5 years later. At that time, an agreement was made that the kids would live with her. My husband made the heart-wrenching decision to let them go because he felt it was in the kids' best interests.

We have just been informed that BM is now divorcing again and is pulling SS out of his current school and moving to a small town about 50 miles away.

We were shocked by this news since we had heard no rumblings that anything of this nature was afoot. We were also shocked that BM would pull SS out school with no discussion with my husband. When my husband tried to speak to BM about this, she was, shall we say, unreceptive. She had made her decision and that was that.

BM is uprooting her children and moving them all in to a small 2 bedroom house with "Uncle Harry" where the kids will have to share a bedroom and "Uncle Harry" will sleep on the couch. ("Uncle Harry" is BM's stepbrother, but we have our suspicions about the nature of the relationship). BM is unemployed and has no vehicle with which to take the kids to doc. appts., school activities, etc.

We have many concerns over this arrangement. And other concerns as to the health and well-being of the children.
1) The unceremonious and ill-timed transfer of SS to different school. BM is not even waiting until semester break.
2)SS has chronic condition for which a new course of therapy has been recommended and was supposed to have been started. BM has decided to forego this therapy with no second opinions and no discussion with my husband. Plus without a car, how would BM get SS to doc.?
3) SD is clearly extremely behind in language skills development. We have offered to get her evaluated and get her in to speech therapy (at our expense). We also want to start SD in a pre-school to aid in her development (again at our expense). BM refuses to see a problem and will not agree to any eval., therapy or pre-school.
4) How long can 2 adults, 2 kids, and 2 cats live in an 800 sq. ft. house? Will there be another move (and another school) in a few months? Another "Uncle"?

BM is unwilling to talk about the situation let alone consider allowing the kids to live with their father during this time of turmoil in her life.

We have contacted a lawyer but he is not very hopeful as to the chances of full custody being granted to my husband.

My husband and I recently purchased a 3 bedroom home where the kids have their own bedrooms, play room and space to run. SS could continue in his current school. SD could attend a pre-school a block from our house. Would this not be a better environment for them?  Why would the courts not see that? What can we do to improve our chances in court?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thx.

hskrstepmom

[nosonew]

First, get yourself a new attorney, find one that specializes in family law.
Secondly, go for it!  These kids need stability and your main case will lay with:
a.  School change
b.  BM not following doctors recommendations
c.  Living conditions with her vs. with you
d.  Two parent homes are better than one parent homes
e.  Your willingness (from the past) to work with her, you willingness to take on the expense of preschool and possible tutoring as needed.

Good luck, I say GO FOR IT!  What do you have to lose except a little cash?

[mudbunnies]

I agree with the other post.

Go for it, no time like the present to show the court that maintaining the "status quo" in the children's lives for school/doctor's etc is the most important item.

Me personally, i would TODAY, file a motion for a restraining order to prevent the removal from school or the county if the move is to another county pending a hearing, and then tommorow, or today if you can manage it, a petition for modification of custody, included in the wording of that petition would be an "in the alternative modification to visitation and other relief" which would require mom to keep kids in same school, provide all travel for visits since she is the one opting to move,

make it hard for her to take those kids from dad

make her WORK to accomplish this move...

best of luck, keep us all posted..


(BTW hi everyone, first post since recovering from the flu!!!!)