Advice from Annie - columnist - RESPOND to the author!

[KimK]

In todays' Annie column, I was absolutely appalled at the response of "get real"  most of us have our own story here, so lets tell the author to get with the times!  Here is the letter and my response to follow:

Annie's Mailbox : Wednesday, June 29 2005
   
Creators Syndicate
06-29-2005  

Dear Annie: My husband has two sons, ages 15 and 13, who live with their mother, several states away. My husband has made every effort to be an involved father. The boys come for the entire summer. He calls often to discuss their lives and their grades, and he happily pays child support, on time. Sadly, his children utterly ignore him. Despite years of repeated requests, we still do not get copies of report cards or school photos.

His children do not call on his birthday, Father's Day or Christmas. And we have NEVER received a thank-you note. We have spoken to them about the importance of remembering these things, to no avail. It takes the joy out of every holiday for my husband. I am so frustrated by their lack of decency toward this man. I can't bear to watch him look for cards in the mailbox and wait for calls that do not come. And I am tired of hearing everyone say, "It's their mother's fault." When they were younger, we excused their behavior. Now, I believe it is their responsibility.

I want to really scale back for his boys this year, for birthdays and Christmas. Instead of wrapped presents sent with love and care, I think we should send a modest gift card. What do you say? -- Wife of a Sad Dad in Colorado Dear Wife: We think you are expecting too much from teenage boys. They often don't remember special occasions, and usually are too busy with their school and social activities to call Dad. Try e-mail. As for sending copies of report cards and school photos, get real. If Mom won't handle this, your husband should call the school and ask for copies of these items. And if Mom didn't teach the boys to send thank-you notes when they were younger, it certainly isn't something that occurs to them now.

It's perfectly OK if you prefer to send gift cards, but if you want to teach those children to be thoughtful and considerate, you must take the time to explain why these gestures are important and give them frequent, gentle reminders. This is how children learn, and the instructions don't end when the kids turn 13.

MY RESPONSE:  

In response to Wife of sad dad in Colorado.  I am appalled at your "get real" statement regarding school report cards and school photos.  As another second wife and mom who has been involved in dads rights in divorce, there are laws regarding the non custodial or non residential parent regarding school materials, if the school decides to follow them. "ln Massachusetts fathers recently triumphed over a demeaning 1998 law which prohibits non-custodial parents from having access to their children's school records unless they first go to court and obtain certification that they are not batterers. Outraged by the law's "fathers are guilty until proven innocent" presumption, a member of the group Fathers and Families filed a complaint with the U.S. Department of Education, claiming that the law is discriminatory. The Department agreed and recently warned Massachusetts that it could lose federal education funds if the law is not changed."  (http://www.glennsacks.com/this_year_daddy.htm) The law only dictates that the parent can get report cards and nothing else, no grade sheets, no mid terms, no testing results no school photos.  NCPs are often requested to even supply self addressed stamped envelopes to the school to get report cards although it is not requested of the custodial parent.  If a cusotial parent is on good terms with the NCP then things should go smoothly - however in our case (which is not an isolated one) the Cusotidal mother did not even list dad as a parent or emergency contact on the school records therefore not allowing dad to even get any inkling of information about his son.  It took $30,000 to petition the court to find her in contempt for this then she did it again the next school year.  As far as expecting too much of teenage boys, please.......this is their parent!  It sounds to me that they are victims of parental alienation which is taught by the cusodial parent, a good nuturing parent will encourage a relationship wiht the NCP.  Your reply should be turned into an apology for the disrespect you gave to the fathers in our country.  

[Brent]

Please provide her address and I'll be glad to write her.

[KimK]

You can get to the web page here to leave a response

http://www.creators.com/lifestyle_writetheauthor.cfm?pg=write&columnsname=ama