I am new

[maccarver1971]

On the 27th I came home to find my wife and three kids gone, and a note stating she was setting me free.  I never saw it coming.  Things seemed to be going great the last little while.  She called my mom that night and told her she had left.  I do not know where she is or where my children are.  I want them all back, but I want to see my children.  What do I do.  Her parents helped.  I emailed them(just asking her to call me), but I have not called them.  What should I do?

[msme]

First, I want to welcome you & extend my condolences to you & your children, for the ordeal that you have embarked on. If it is any consolation, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. A lot of guys get here after having been thoroughly jerked around by the courts & have lost everything.

This is the best site on the net. One of the most important things for you to do is document, document, document. Sit down & write down everything that has taken place since you walked through that door & everything that you do or say from here on in.

What may seem petty, now, may later jog your memory about more important things & you never know what your lawyer will find useful. Then put together a brief history of any incidents that you feel may have lead up to this.

Next, go to Radio Shack & get yourself a mini tape recorder.  Also a new phone if the one you have isn't able to record conversations.  Check if you are living in a one party state & if so record every phone call to or about her & all contacts with her & the children.

Read everything you can on this site. Especially, Tips For Getting Started. You can highlight that & double click on it & it will take you there.

Start interviewing attorneys. Make sure you hire one who is a board certified Family Law & Custody Specialist. This is very important. Remember that lawyers are a lot like tatoos. The real good ones are expensive & the cheap ones often aren't very good.  Also remember that you are hiring him & he works for you. educate yourself & make sure he is actually working on your case.

Also go to the court house, with or without a lawyer & file for custody of your children. Ask for a restraining order to prevent her from taking them out of the county or changing their schools. Remember, that if you file first, you stand a better chance of winning.

And finally, Keep your temper in check. Never say anything bad to the kids about her, no matter what she says or does.

I know this is a lot but you have your work cut out for you. I am sure that others will have lots of other info for you. Come into chat & meet all your new friends. We are all here for you. Good luck & God bless.

msme

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[StPaulieGirl]

I'd like to add my condolences to you, also.  Hang in there and surround yourself with family and friends.  

If you don't know where your kids are, consider having your phone tapped.  You could trace the location the call is made from, should there be a call.  If you have resources, hire a PI to find them.  I smell a bf.  She's setting you free?  Well gee, that's mighty white of her!  If you can get to court first, do it!  Then track her down and without appearing to stalk her(kiss custody goodbye), take pics, especially if the bf looks shady, they live in a dump, etc.  This is where a PI is invaluable.  He/she has a license, all you are is a concerned father.

Be legally agressive as possible, and good luck!  

[Brent]

>I want them all back, but I want to see my children.  What do I
>do.  Her parents helped.  I emailed them(just asking her to
>call me), but I have not called them.  What should I do?


These pages will help get you started:

Protecting Yourself During Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/protect.htm

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

Some of these pages will apply more than others, but they all have valuable information.

One of the first things you'll hear is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is crucial. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The OPTIMAL service is more detailed and better, especially if you're just starting out.