Need Help

[Brian Hess]

Recently Moved out of my home.Wife "fell out of love" anfd forced me to leave, I am currently seeking a residence. We have agreed to joint custody and shared custodial, her attorney is stating there has to be a primary custody to her, because of adresses, a place to get mail. With this what keeps her from changing her mind on the agreement we've spoke about..50/50 custody and 50/50 costs. With primary custody awarded to one parent, she could change her mind at any pont and sue for back child support if an amount is set by the court, she could also change her mind on my "visitation". I do not want this divorce but it is inevitable, I do however want exactly equal rights to my three children. Also, do I have any legal rights involving my two step daughters? who I have raised for six years. I dont want to give them up. So many question now, I very confused and angry. We'll see if I get a response.
 
Thank You for any advise on this matter>
Brian

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

1. What state are you in?

2. Do you have an attorney?

[Brian Hess]

I am in the state of Maryland, I am currently seeking an attorney that will fit my needs, I have interviewed a few, but have yet to find one that I feel will represent me well and listen to what I want instead of trying to tell me the way it has to be.

Brian

[Kent]

Moving out was not a good idea, it tells the court that you were willing to abandon the children.

Tell your (or the other) attorney that the reasons for one primary parent are total B.S.
In your case, what you need is: joint legal, shared physical, and one parent having primary residency at all times.
Also address who makes final decisions in important matters (school, medical, religion, etc).

She cannot change child support, nor can she change parenting time (just hate the word visitation).
She can petition the court for a change, but without a significant change in circumstances, it will not be granted.

However, and here's the big thing, if the mother will not agree to shared/joint custody, it will be very difficult to get a judge to give you that. In that case, DO NOT allow your attorney to agree to a Guardian Ad Litum, instead insist on a custody evaluation. More expensive, but much more accurate.

Kent!

[CustodyIQ]

Thanks for that info.  Keep in mind that I'm not an attorney.

First, consider that an attorney who tells you the "way it has to be" may actually be doing you a good service.  Some attorneys will tell you what you want to hear, knowing full well that your chances are nil while they follow your instructions.

You want an attorney who has experience in your county for at least 10 years.  This ensures that they will know the judge, any evaluator appointed, and opposing counsel.

Second, you need a residence ASAP.  You will not get much in custodial time if you don't have solid housing.  You should have adequate sleeping arrangements for your children.  While it'd be ideal to give them separate rooms, it's not going to hurt you much if two of them have to share a room.  It's IMPERATIVE that the children's bedroom(s) is separate from your own.

Talk to an attorney about the need to assign a primary residence for the purpose of child support.  It can vary from state to state.  I briefly skimmed over Maryland's code for child support, and in the case of shared parenting (i.e., that term is in the code), it appears that child support will be minimal if both parties earn comparable incomes.  But if one party earns significantly more, it looks like that party will pay significant child support to the other-- even if the schedule is 50/50.

Per the child support table in MD code, let's say you and your ex have a combined net income (i.e., "actual income") of $6,000.  The total support needed for 3 kids is $1504.  If you each make the same income, and you each have 50%, I'm interpreting the code as meaning that there really won't be any child support.  But if you make $4,000 and she makes $2,000, then it appears that you'd be responsible for 2/3 of the support needed in her home (i.e., 2/3 multiplied by 50% multiplied by $1504 = $500.82).  Again, I'm not an attorney, but it appears that's how to read this.  But you need to talk to an attorney in your state about this.

Regarding all else that her attorney told you in terms of need for a "primary" parent, I think the attorney is just trying to manipulate you.

It's easy enough to have an order that says, "For the purpose of school districting, the mother's address shall be used."  (or father, whomever lives in a better district)

It's not required that one parent have final say, and unless you're that parent, it's an order that you do NOT want to see in your judgment.

The order will be something like, "Mother and father shall consult on all major decisions involving education, health, and religion.  In the event that the parties cannot agree, mother shall make the final decision."

In practice, it'll go something like you receiving a phone call or an email from your ex, asking if you agree with her on XYZ.  You say no.  She then says that she's sorry, but she has final authority, so she'll go ahead and do it anyway.

Instead, you simply want orders stating that mother and father shall come to agreement on all major decisions involving education, non-emergency health/dental/orthodontist, and religion.

If you can't agree, you'll need a third party (e.g., the court) to help you make a decision.

Sometimes, parents agree (in court orders) to let a parenting coordinator make the final decision in the event that parties can't agree.  This is usually a specialist in child development or in therapy, who will make the best decision on behalf of the children.  In such scenarios, sometimes mom will win, sometimes dad will win, but it's much cheaper and far less stressful than returning to court.

Finally, once court orders are made, neither of you gets to change them without mutual agreement or further order from a judge.  So, no matter what happens with your schedule, once it's in black and white with a judge's stamp on it, that's what you have.

I'll say that the offer of joint custody with 50/50 schedule is likely better than you'll get in court; given the situation you've already outlined.  This presumes that the mother doesn't have any major mental illness or issues that severely threaten the kids.

Good luck.

[Brian Hess]

Thank you both for your responses. I did seek legal advise the day that I moved out, I had a cosultation with an attorney for $200.00. I just was not impressed with his attitude. He did say I could move out, and it would not be considered abbandonment, because if it came up, I could say o.k. I'll move back in.
The friday I left, I was told by my wife, that if I did not get out she would have me removed. This meant to me, under no specific threat, that she would use any means poss. including possibly a false claim of abuse. I immediately took myself out of that situation. Her attorney has presented a basic guideline of how the seperation papers ould be based on our initial conversations, I have developed my own outline and sent it to her to forward to her attorney. If we can reach an agreement I will definately seek another consultation before signing any papers.
As far as the mental stability of my wife, I am very unsure, since we had our last child , one year ago, she has demenstrated severe mood swings with me and my children, shows signs of depression, and seems to be living in some sort of fantasy. I feel that if we have to battle for the children I have a very strong case, I don't want it to come to that though. I think I'm doing the right thing it is just so hard to look at the bright side. I am trying to put my feelings aside, and focus on my children. I have worked up a budget based on all my expenses including possible child support, and realize that on the weeks I do not have my children, I wil basically have to work almost 24/7 to make ends meet, and still have some kind of life to call my own. Luckily I have a godd job that pays very well, but not well enough now with expenses almost doubling.
Anyway thank you for your time responding,
Brian H.