Child Neglect Question

[unclebuck]

Background:
Since my son was born he has had cronic constipation, he is 9 now. For the past 4 years I have taking him the doctors for exams, followups. He has spent at one point 4 days in the childrens hospital on IV's for his constipation.  For the past 6 months I have also taken him to see a specialist (gastroanterologist), this doctor has prescribed him medication, stool softner. I have bought all the medication that my son needs so that when he is with me i give to him. I pay my child support. My ex has yet to buy a single drop of medication for him and is NOT following doctor prescribed giudelines, which i have giving to her. Also she is to call in a report twice a week which she has not. Take medication twice a day, once in morning and once at night. Also sit child in toilet once in morning and once at night for 10 minutes, (basically potty training again). My son has had so many accidents in his underwear I cant begin to count. Some in public, others in school (yesterday 10/10/05), his mother had to pick him up beacause he had another accident. This has to be so ambarresing for him. All is documented by the amount of times he has been in and out of hospital and doctors visits, he has another one coming up on 11/10/05.

Im so frustrated! I have been praying for an answer and dont have one. I think yesterday put me over the edge, but dont know how to go about this the right way. I dont want my son to suffer any more. I am contemplating calling my local Child Protective Services and reporting his mother for NEGLECT. I have heard they take the child away from both parents. This is what scares me.

Im sorry this so long a post but i want you to understand the background for my question:

What can i do? Can i call Child Protective Services with confidence my son wont be taken from me? Can I take my son from her the next time he visits? Should I call CPS?Do i have the right to take my son sense she is not providing addiquate parenting. FYI: She has two other daughters by another man she has not seen in a year or more and no longer is around.

Please help me, my son should NOt have to go thru this.


Thanks in advance


carlos

[ravenx329]

when calling CPS make sure you explain everything to a tee and have all your records in order. CPS will not take your son from you for calling them on the other parent but they may do an in home study of both you and the mother to see how well each of you are taking care of the child as well as seeing if your homes are in suitable living conditions. Your palce doesn't have to be emaculant or anything just make sure it isn't a hazard. Also see if you can get documentation from the school about the accidents your son may be having and make them aware of what is going on and why he is having his accidents. Even consider having them journalize (which they should have already done) the days he has accidents, and who the parent was that was in charge that day. One last thing, make sure the doctor knows that the mother is not following the medication schedual as well.
    Hope this helps and good luck,
            Jason

[unclebuck]

Thanks for the tips. I have my son today and i take him to school on Thursdays. Tomorrow i will have a talk with his teacher and explain the problem and why he is having these accidents.

Im just really nervouse right now of what might happen and because i dont want my kid to have to be put thru this.

Im so frustrated and mad right now. How can a mother do that? My son is 9yrs opld and still is scared of going to the potty. I pay my child support religiously, i EXPECT a certain level of quality from her.

[ravenx329]

You have to think about what is best for your child and what is the greater of two evils. What I mean by that is a child never wants their parents to get into trouble and if CPS does get involved they will talk to your child alone and ask questions about both parents. This always puts an amount of stress on the child, but what is also stressful is the child having the accidents, so it would seem that the best path for you would to talk to the teachers, guidence cousiler, and principal and let them all know what is going on and call this #1-800-children. They will be able to tell you the best route to take as they are dealing with this type of problem on an everyday basis. It is a free hotline open 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
  I hope this helps,
     Jason

[unclebuck]

I called CPS, i was frustrated to the point that i couldnt take it anymore. This woman knows about his condition and refuses to do anything about it. Everytime i have asked her if she is having him sit on the toilet, (per the doctors instructions), she tells me that he goes when he needs to. Now, here is a kid who wont go on his own because its been a long term problem that she is aware of and yet she's telling me that "he goes when he needs to" c'mon. I called the school to explain why he had the accident Monday. From what the nurse told me they did document but they could not give me the records because there are other children on there as well. I would think they could write a separate report and give me that.

One question:
I have a prescription for the medication which my ex knows about and is able to purchase. I pay her child support on time always, should i have to buy the medicine for her. I mean i give CS that is supposed to be used to take care of my son. Shouldnt she be able to buy that for him? I buy it for him and pay the child support, so the way i see is that she should buy it herself.

The reason im asking is that the school nurse said i could get the prescription split into two bottles; one for me one for her. But i shouldnt have to do that..right?


thanks again..

carlos

[ravenx329]

well to answer your question without knowing the limitations in your custody I will just use the most common one. You are probably resposible for 66% of the cost, but if you are truely worried about your son and his condition as well as his condition while he with his mother the medicines expense should not be an issue. Pay 100% of it and keep all receipts. You can ask the school nurse if she will write on a seperate paper the days and times the accidents occured and stress to her that you are just concerned for the well being of your child. If she refuses that info to you then start documenting every accident he has at school by making the school call you, and not your x when it happens and document it that way. Keep in mind documentation is the key!
   if you have more questions I will be happy to try and help.
     Jason

[dontunderstand]

My suggestion is this.  REPORT IT (like yesterday) and make sure they know you have all of this documentation.  I would do this, even if they don't do anything, because if anything comes up and they find out that you knew and did nothing, then that is when he will be taken away from BOTH of you.  If you call and nothing is done, but you at least report it and something happens than you have a little more leverage!  It is never easy and they do not like to hear from non custodial parents, so you may need to push the issue!  Good luck to you and your son!

[unclebuck]

We both share parental responsibility with her having primary residential. She is responsible for keeping health insurance. We share 50/50 with her having primary residential. I gave the investigator all his doctor info for her to call them. Should i have just gone to his doctors and gotten them myself instead an giving it to her?

[dontunderstand]

not necessarily, with her getting it herself, nobody can say that you somehow managed to alter the documents...

[unclebuck]

Update:

This weekend while going to Lowes i decided to stop by my sons baseball game and tell him that i wasnt going to be able to stay the whole game. As it turns out his mother left him there while she went grocery shopping. She failed to tell anyone othder adult she was leaving her son there. The coach had no idea as well. I decided to stay and wait till she showed up, thinking she would be back in about an hour. Well, three hours later is when she shows her face. I called CPS and let the investigstor know of what she did. The investigator said it was up to me to take my son or not, i did. Now, my question is; based on what this initial topic is about is this adding insult to injury? Can i take my son from her for her lack of parenting skill. I should mention that when i asked her as to why she didnt say anything to the coach about leaving my son. She said it didnt matter whether she told someone or not.