BM does it again

[zutalurs]

So last weekend I was suppossed to have parenting time, I have it every three weeks from Friday morning till Monday evening.  On wednesday my attorney calls me and tells me he just got a fax from BM's attorney stating that our son had an ear infection in both ears and could not visit with me.  Arrangements were made to reschedule for this weekend.
This evening I get a call from BM stating that son still has an infection in one ear and can not travel.  She offers to let me parent with him in hometown, but this is an empty offer since she knows that I have to work each evening during this weekend.
I even asked if my mother, who was going to be transporting son to me anyway, and my wife could come to town and exercise the visit, and she refussed.
Every time there is a visit scheduled she is telling me my son is sick and shouldn't or can't come.  The last time I fought her on it and visited him anyway I ended up being assaulted when I brought him home at the end of the weekend.
We were scheduled to have a Satus hearing in two weeks, but my attorney has cancelled that because there is so much stuff we have to bring in front of the Judge that the 15 minute hearing won't be nearly long enough.  I'm really worried that BM will keep frustrating visits until we get back to court, which probably won't be until at least January.
I haven't seen my son in 4 weeks now, won't see him next week because BM has Thanksgiving this year, and I have a sneaking suspicion that the visit the first week of December will get cancelled too.
I'm so fed up I could scream.  The court has given me time with my son and I can't even exercise it because BM does crap like this.  I document, and I am preparing an all out legal assualt for when we finally get into court, but how long do we sit back and say that putting all of this off is in the child's best interest?  how long do we say that nothing can be done outside of the courtroom, and so therefore she has the ability to keep him away from his father in the several months between hearings?
I really just needed to vent, and it's very satisfying to keep referring to this she-demon as a BM.

[gipsy]

My atty told me to go talk to the doctor when similar issues came up , I did and signed a release for the report that DID NOT say he could not travel , Or go outside , So I sent thisback to her atty , And a letter etc ,
  Also My atty Said " tell her  hand me the medicine , And My son at the trransfer" ,
As far as  the assault, Take a video camera , And the trouble at the transfer should stop , It did with my case , But be prepared because once she can't make up a problem at the transfer ,she will find something else to cause trouble about , Predictably her last resort will be to say the child is saying something that indicates something odd about what is going on at your house :
    Maybe send a letter through your atty that states you are notifying her that video taping will take place in order to discourage any ALLEGATIONS she has been makeing ,
   When I video taped ,My atty sent a similar letter after she complained about the taping ,
 And the BS stopped at the transfer . Then she said 'My son was saying some very odd things when he came to her house,' <
   My atty also sent a letter stateing that this will be the pick up date and time, And His client ": ME: Will be useing every legal avenue available to ensure that the visit takes place : Now and in the future
   She's not pulling anything unusual , But just try to get your atty to file contempt , This seems painfull and it is , But if you continue to be calm and don;t do anything unless you ask your atty first , In time ,this will all point to her as the problem , Just don;t muck it up by participating in the crappola ,
   I believe your atty is probably in the right direction if you have several issues to deal ,with the temp hearings; IN Wash state ; are before a commissioner not a real judge,And   are too short and you can't present the same case twice , So Sometimes It's better to get your issues in front of a real judge

[MYSONSDAD]

Paying the doctor a visit is a good idea. If there is nothing in writing about your son unable to travel, have your attorney send the bm  a letter of intent. Bring someone with you for the exhange, video tape and ask for a civil standby.

I hear you loud and clear, have much of the same games going on. And judge is sitting on it.

Hope you have some contempts headed her way, ask for make up time, your expenses, etc.....

"Children learn what they live"

[Bolivar]

I ditto Gipsy.

It's very painful not to see your child(ren), I've been there.  It is important keep a cool head and NOT react to her and/or the sisuation.   Document, document, document and RESPOND at the appropriate time.

Divorce is war!!
Courts look at Dads as wallets and Moms as angels.
If you do not have a strategy going into divorce Mom will win.

Unloading your arsenal at the correct time maximizes your resources which increases your chance of success.

The below paragraphs were found on this site and a few others,,, you may what to include in your parenting schedule.

You have drafted your own parenting schedule, haven't you? :-)

A Parent shall NOT deny ANY Parenting time with the other Parent because Child(ren) is busy, not available, being punished, suffering an illness, or refuse to go on the scheduled Parenting time. The receiving Parent shall have the OPTION of verifying the illness of Child(ren) in person or by telephone, and shall have the option of caring for unless he is under the "care giving" of a physician for serious illness. Parent shall provide telephone numbers for contacting the physician currently caring, or produce proof that Child(ren) is taking prescription medication, for verification of illness. Make up time shall be provided to said Parent, should Parent be unable to exercise there Companionship time. All make up parenting time shall be rescheduled and exercised within sixty (60) days.

If Child(ren) become ill or injured, other than ordinary cold and flu symptoms, warranting consultation with a doctor or the giving of prescription medication, each Parent must notify the other as soon as possible.

That each Parent shall provide advance notification to the other Parent about proposed and forthcoming medical care, and each Parent shall notify the other Parent within twelve (12), hours of any illness or accident requiring medical attention or any medical emergency, and within two (2) hours of any life threatening illness or accident.

If Child(ren) becomes ill prior to a scheduled exchange of Companionship, the Parent must contact the other Parent to discuss the advisability of the whether the exchange should take place with the best interests of Child(ren) as the primary consideration.  Parents should consider the nature of the illness (contagious, physical discomfort, etc.), the care necessary, the ability to provide the necessary care, exposure of the illness to others, visitation plans, and any other important issues.

If  Companionship time is canceled/altered due to Child(ren)'s illness or injury, then the time must be made up within sixty (60) days, and scheduled by the Parent due Companionship time.

If the Parents agree that the exchange should take place, the sending parent shall provide all written instructions and sufficient prescription medication in the possession to last during the companionship time.  The receiving Parent must provide for the care as directed, notifying the other Parent if Child(ren)'s condition worsens or does not improve as might be reasonably expected.

The existence of any allergy or chronic condition must be communicated by either Parent to the other, including medication or treatment recommended for the illness or condition.




The 10 Stupid Mistakes Fathers/Men make when facing divorce (by ben)

1. Not having exact knowledge and information regarding their case.
2. Relying on second, third or worse, bad information.
3. Underestimating their eX's.
4. Making poor decisions regarding their personal behavior.
5. Not taking advantage of EVERY mistake made by their ex's.
6. Failing to secure competent, Father-friendly representation.
7. Trying to be noble and 'fair.'
8. Lack of focus, focus, focus.
9. Not being your own best advocate.
10. Failing to document and secure documentation for ALL issues affecting your case.

[zutalurs]

Thanks for the support guys.  For the most part, I know and practice what you all are telling me.
I already have a parenting plan in place, as written by the Judge.  It carries most of what was suggested above, but in slightly different verbage.
As to visiting the doctor, that gets done too.  I call him up when one of these "incidents" occur.  I have to, because I know I can't trust BM to tell me the truth, and she doesn't even tell me about half of the Dr. visits to begin with.
I've also started having every exchange video taped.  Right now she doesn't know about it, and I'm weighing whether or not to tell her. Our state is a single party state when it comes to wire-tapping, so I know I'm legal in taping calls, exchanges, etc.
My biggest frustrations are these: It takes so long to get before the Judge, and even though we have an order in place, the BM keeps breaking it.  And as far as contempt is concerned, what does this accomplish?  Other than a fine, what does she get, a slap on the wrst?  And I've even asked my atty about getting back lawyers fees, and he says we would probably win them, but if she claims to have no money then I'll never see a red cent.
anyway, thanks again.  I keep meaning to post a detailed "this is what all I've been granted by the court" kind of post, and maybe that's what we need.  Is there a thread with everyone's stories about what they done, what they've been granted, etc?  It might be helpful to know what's reasonable and what's never going to happen.

[wysiwyg]

Unfortunately we have found in our case that even with a court order for equal access to medical records and speaking to the docs, and even with a signed form from the mediator allowing BF for suceh access, HIPAA seems to rule the roost right about now.

And even with that - we requested information per thecourts orders (multiple orders) the signed form the mediator ordered BM to sign granting father access to records, and even HIPAA forms with Dads name on them as being allowed access to medical and insurance information, the docs adn the hospitals and their attorney's refuse to allow dad to know anything about his child.  

I understand your frustration on this, there are many ways that BM deny time with the children, in our case BM will send the child to us with 103 degree fever and no prescribed medication, we even once got a note that the child had been to the doc that day - had strep throat and did not need any more meds for the night and she would give when he got back after the weekend!  

I wish I had an answer, well I do but it seems that I am asking for the moon in order to ask that the vindictive ones that think they have a silver spoon in their mouth and are untouchable work together for the kids or get a 8 X 8 room with a view of a toilet!

JUst my 2 venting cents worth!

[hagatha]

Zutalurs,

I know what you are going through is hard. Dh and I have traved that road. We were in court more than 10 times in less than 5 yrs. At the last hearing my DH thought he had lost his daughter. We had beed given more time and make up time with each hearing, but there was always something happening to, for or with mothers family that prevented SD from coming. It didn't matter to DH. He still showed up every week for the visit. It didn't matter that he knew he would be turned away. At the very least SD KNEW he was there.

In the end, that is what made the difference. SD grew up and saw through her mothers lies. She knew DH was there for HER and not to screw with her mother as she had been told.

She now has a wonderful relationship with DH, and our family. She is god mother to my D's baby. And even though her mother and that family still give her grief for wanting to be part of our family, she is here several times every week. She is an adult now and makes her own decisions about who she sees and when.


The Witch

You may loose out on the first part of their lives, but with perseverance, prayer and hard work you can be a part of the Rest of their lives.


Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[daddymccoy21]

If a father wants to spend time with his children, why do mothers get in the way? You often hear moms bitching about how the dad doesnt want anything to do with the kids, or how they arent there for them.  But when a dad really does want to be involved, alot of mothers try their best to thwart our efforts.

I can sympathize with what you are going through right now. I don't have Thanksgiving break this year with my little girl. I drive 3 hours each way every week on Thursdays to see her, and my visitation time with her ends Saturday night. Since next week is Thanksgiving I don't get to pick her up this week. I have to wait 12 days to see her, because mom WONT let me have extra time, or pick her up a few days early.

I understand how moms (and fathers) dont want to give up time that they dont have to give up - but the children really REALLY do want to be with us to. I wish I had more advice for your situation:

Maybee require a doctors note from now on. She can't LEGALLY hold the kid on the stupid medical excuse over and over without proof. And try to get to court asap -

I also reccommend this ebook to all fathers fighting for custody • http://www.familylawsecrets.com

[Hawkeye]

BM's (or is it just my ex-wife) seem to think of children as property, so ask politely, otherwise demand the court grant (via your lawyer) for *make-up time*.

Get *make-up* time written into your stipulations and she can whine, p*ss and moan as much as she wants, but she should SHARE the children with their father. Only feminazi's would disagree with me here.

Let them throw tantrums, I say... LOL!

Seriously, If you CAN do anything outside the courtroom, that is to your credit, ie: making arrangements with her for *parenting time*, etc.

My son's BM tried the same crap, and it backfired. He's growing up, seeing both sides and speaking the truth.

More power to ya!

Hawkeye

[wendy11068]

I might be out of line posting in here, but it's not just BMs with custody...it's BFs with primary residence as well.  My children's BF has tried and tried to interfere and withhold parenting time from me.  Seems to have settled down now but there were times when I called the police to help enforce my right to parenting time.

And no...I am not a drug addict, alcoholic, child abuser/molester, prostitute...unless of course you listen to the BF!  LOL!