Step-Daughter wants to come live at our house.....

[Danae]

As the title implies, my step-daughter wants to come live with her Dad and I. This is very cool with us. The counselor that she goes to see with her mom (we pay the insurance for this) has told us that this has been an expressed wish of hers for some time now; somewhere between 6 months and a year.  She really does not want us to talk to her Mom about living with us, she is afraid of what her mom will do and say, and with reason.

This leaves us with a predictable problem.

It is time to go to court and file for custody, based on what our 13 year old is truly wanting. Knowing her mother, this surprises no one, including the counselor.

How do we go about doing this w/o letting her mother know too far in advance, literally and singularly because her daughter is afraid of living with her for any period of time after her mother knows that her daughter is wanting to leave her home bad enough that her dad is making it happen in court.

We always knew this day would come. It is impossible to say that we are happy about it, it is far too bittersweet a thing for happiness. As much as we do not like Bio-mommy, we have no desire to in any way negatively affect the Mother-Daughter relationship, if anything the reverse. We are getting that she wants to be here from too many different sources for it to be anything but genuine, and I am beginning to believe that their relationship might well benefit from the distance. Mommy wouldn't be the one haranguing about homework, or riding her about cleaning her room, being the bad guy all the time as it were. They might well be able to enjoy one another with out all of that, I don't know. Personally I think Mommy will be so destroyed, well, let's say I am going to take out a restraining order at some point or another, the woman is really broke. I don't know what she will do; I am very very serious about that.

We know who we will hire, it is the instructions to give him we need. SD really is scared of her mom and what she will do. How do we make this happen as easily as possible???

Thanks in advance!!!!!

Danae

[4honor]

Which state?  Check the state statutes for minimum time needed and serve her 2 days more than needed for court. .. but you have to know for sure that she can be served (according to the rules of the county she is in) in the necessary time.

And what are you using as your change in circumstances? The whole thing could be stopped before you get in the door if it doesn't meet threshhold for a "significant change in crcumstances." Her age and desire to live with you may not meet threshhold... unless she were to be a runaway risk if she is not allowed to move or somethign like that.

[Happyno]

Maybe if it all worked out when she will be there for a long period of time.  Spring break, summer vacation?  Mine came to live with us over summer vacation and never left!  Yes his mother was very upset.  Of course we got blamed for it all and we didn't know he was even planning on staying.  I've never met anyone worse than her but I could almost feel her pain, her rejection.  It just about killed her but it's what he needed to do.  I feel for you all.  Good luck