dads??? someone less emotional, got any advice

[nosonew]

msme

I understand you are trying to say that each parent is responsible to make sure their children are healthy and well cared for.  I agree with that.  My point was that within 15 minutes of returning to her home, she found this particular bruise, in this particular spot.  If she was still changing his diaper, or even wiping his butt from potty training I could buy it, but NO, she was strip-searching him upon return visits.  That I find disgusting and insulting, not to mention what that tells the child without even speaking words!! Just my two cents.

[msme]

Thank you! It is so good to be back.

Failure to thrive is different. The child is usually frail & often sickly looking. I can't remember the exact name they called it, but he looked like a healthy, rosey cheeked 10 year old. except he was almost 16.
Fortunately, the treatments worked & he is over 6 feet tall & well built. Unfortunately, I don't think he will ever recover from the emotional injuries. He is in his 30's & seems unable to have a normal relationship with a woman. He dates some but rarely more than one date with any woman. His younger brother took the hard road with drugs & such & took his own life at 21.
In this case, both parents were equally to blame. They both worked overtime trying to make the kids hate the other one. It was heart breaking.

[msme]

You are absolutely right. I was responding to  St Paulie Girls statement:

"I haven't seen my kids genitalia since they were old enough to go to kindergarten. Unless there is a very good reason, you don't invade your child's privacy."

I would have gotten CPS involved in that, I think. To subject a child to such humiliation is both sexual & emotional abuse.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[StPaulieGirl]

[p]In this case, both parents were equally to blame. They both worked overtime trying to make the kids hate the other one. It was heart breaking.

[p]Who pays for that?  The kids.  I didn't realize he was in his 30's.  I've never heard about this kind of problem before.  Failure to thrive is seen in small children.  How sad...

[msme]

It is somewhat unusual but very definitely happens, probably more than most people would think. It is some sort of a defense mechanism. It happens when there is so much trauma in a pre-pubic child's life that his /her sub-conscious decides that there is no way they are going to grow up & enter the adult world. They just shut down all the growth processes & remain at the place where they are.

He was about 10 when he shut down & it was diagnosed when he was almost 16. I didn't know what was wrong at first but I knew something wasn't right. Our boys were 3 months apart & while he was a bit smaller than mine, up to that point they had grown pretty much at the same rate. I  tried to get her to have him seen earlier but she threw a fit every time I mentioned it.

It got caught when his regular pediatrician died suddenly & a new doctor saw him for the flu. He was shocked when he did a routine hernia check & saw how delayed he was. He really reamed her out for not being on top of his development.

I do know that the treatment was a horrible ordeal. The hormones caused him to get morning sickness & he grew so fast that he had terrible bone & muscle pain. It is supposed to be accompanied with therapy because essentially, he went through puberty in about 1 year. She dropped the ball on that too & I guess that is why he is still having emotional problems now.

The bottom line is that all parents need to have regular conversations with their kids about the changes that are going on. It is a lot more than just telling girls that they are going to get their period. How can you know if your kid is developing properly if you can't discuss the changes & know what stage they are at.

If you start young & explain that it is important that mom or dad know that they are growing right on track, most kids will welcome the opportunity to also get info they glean at school clarified.

msme

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[nosonew]

We tried CPS, they just said she was being "overprotective" and so did the counselor and so did the courts.  However, because we kept up our complaints about it, she was told by the counselor to quit bathing and strip searching and she actually did (at least to our knowledge).  Thanks for your input, hope that boy who is now 30 something will find the right woman who can help him put his past behind him.

[fightingformen]

What you need to do is consentrate on just being the best Dad. the system sucks and I am fighting to change it!! being female and seeing and hearing the terriable injustice I have become involved. Writing letters to State Assemblyman, Family Court and Supreme Court. I was turned to this web-site by our local Assemblyman and hope that I can make a difference