New here and looking for answers...

[czar32]

I am new here, trying to find some answers to my particular situation...

i haven't spoken to or seen my 2 children in 5 and half years...there are NO legal restrictions that would prevent me from seeing them...they live in another state and each inqiury that i have made is met with a 5K retainer to start and theat since it's in another jurisdiction, there's nothing they can do.

I am seriously delinquent in past child support but refuse to pay anything while I am forbidden contact by their mother.

I have also been told that the child support is a completely seperate issue in regards to visiting them.

How true is any of this and what can i do to see my kids. Even if I can just speak to them. She is 11 going on 12 in April, he is 9 going on 10 in July.

Can anyone help me?

[Genie]

CS and visitation are 2 separate issues.  A child has the right to be financially supported no matter the relationship with the non custodial parent.

As for what you can do. you need to contact an attorney in the county that has jurisdiction over the case.  Now keep in mind, when you file in that court for visitation she will do something about CS in her counterpetition.  So I would suggest you start getting yourself current in the meantime so it doesn't go against you in court. From my experience, money issues seem to take precedence.

In any case, you need to ask that visitation be enforced. Since it has been so long there will most likely be an easing in period to get the kids used to being with you again. In a sense, they don't really know you anymore.  I would ask for counseling too b/c I am sure you have been made out to be a very horrible person and the kids won't be thinking kindly of you.

As for CS, you can't withhold it.  Maybe if you start paying she will be more likely to let you see them. Maybe if you go to her state and request to see them for a day or something and start trying to rebuild the relationships that way.  I don't know the history to really give much advice other than go to court in the correct county with a lawyer from that county and start paying what you owe so you don't end up in jail in the process.  You will need to decide what is more important. Not paying or not seeing your children. The CS obligation will be owed even after they are adults so it will always follow you until you take care of it.

[BelleMere]

My advice would be for you to absolutely get on top of paying that child support. Child support does not purchase time with your kids, but it is a way (sometimes the ONLY way) for an NCP parent to show love - plus paying it will keep your ass out of jail and will prevent her from being able to terminate your rights to the kids on the grounds that you haven't supported them. I give you this advice with profound sympathy for your situation - my DH was NCP and fought hard to get contact with his kids. You have a long road ahead, but as I've always said - I'd rather have a long road ahead than a short one! LOL! So do what you can to pay CS - including the arrears (however, try to avoid doing it through CSE - if she hasn't opened a case with child support enforcement, don't you do it - only she can close it!) - and meanwhile, research the laws in the state where they are. You are right that visitation and contact would be decided in that jurisdiction. There is a lot you can do pro se to fight for your rights. One of the first things I'd look for is any law related to intereference with contact - in our state, for example, there is a fine or jail time associated with refusing contact to the NCP. But you wouldn't know that law was there unless you searched - no one tells NCP parents that! Most state laws are searchable online . . godo luck! Then once you know if there is such a law, you might be able to apply it. Otherwise, you just have to file for contact and visitation - and you can do this pro se. Call the clerk of court in that county and see if they have materials available for you to use to do this (some do, some don't)

[czar32]

thanks for the info...it feels like i'm going to climb Mt. Everest in flip flops and a speedo...i think she's already started the CS proceedings with her state, but the amounts they are calculating are no where near the amounts that were in the divorce decree...so the numbers are inflated, not to mention compunding at an unbelievable rate...

is there any way to get an attorney to help me on this...pro bono? aren't there any services for guys like there are for them?

[BelleMere]

family law attys make crappy money as it is - they can hardly work for free. The best you can hope for is someone who will ask for less of a retainer . . . if you CAN get the $5K together - somehow, anyhow - I would do it. You are in a VERY precarious position because of your lack of payment. Fighting CSE takes someone with experience and it's worth the $$. But I'd also send her a check today for one of the CO'd CS payments - write "child support" in the memo slot and make sure you photocopy it.

I hate to sound like this - kind of hard ass - because I do know, believe me, how much you have probably suffered missing your kids and how angry you are over all this. But you have to put all that behind you and start fighting because if you don't do it now, it will only get a lot worse.

[gipsy]

Well You are in luck there is a board on here that is called Socrateaser ,
  And yes there is help ,
   Its called call the Bar association in the state she is in and ask , And the court in the jurisdiction she is in , And Have a pen and papers and ask if there is a night that you could get some one to help fill the papers out that you may need to modify the parenting plan for out of state visitation , go to a parrelegal . And call a bunch of atty's and get an Idea of what to file , And how to proceed,
   You need to have info about the last parenting plan if there was one or any parenting arrangement you had previuosly , Maybe make a list of what you think and where it may have been filed or put ,
  Also look on the internet for the childrens rights counsel . And ask them about any help ,
   Keep looking and asking ,Heck I found that child support has a list of low cost legal help for low income , And remmember they can't be biassed based on race religion , or gender , I called them and yes if you fit the income level they will help , So go to child support and ask for their list for  legal help, I got one and called some of the places and made too much money for them to help ,  I don't remmember what the income level is but all you can do is ask ?
    Really you probably just need to get going on a process with the proper papers filed ,  Socrateaser is a big help to many people , And he gives you the facts and what to file ,
  People respond with answers that say there is no help for dads , But you just have to try harder and look harder and dig deeper ,
   I was involved in a pilot program in Wash state called devoted dads ,And I learned that all these guys have filed things pro se , It was a group of men that didn't have money and fought there way through the battle with out atty's
  The worst case scenario Is a guy that was the legal aid Of wich he took advice that was to tell the judge what he thought , And follow through with vendictive advice , This is disasterous ,
    there are  a few crackpot advisors around that claim to be some one that suggest vendictive measure's
   Take my advice of what makes sense , . You will find what your legal argument is concerning the law , And what to file , And how to proceed through the process ,
  I have not been in your particular situation , And will not bother to comment , However , If you really want to start trying to make motions , Or file court orders to see your children , Then you will need to post on Socrateasers board , If not then you will continue on the same , And don't think the judge will let you off for child support because you havent seen your kids , You really need some legal info ,

[gipsy]

And you must be confused , You say the atty's want a 5K retainer and there's nothing they can do because she is in another jurisdiction , this would only make sense if you have a complete idiot for an atty or you are confused and need to get the facts straight . It's generally a parenting plan that lays out the visitaion schedule , And you have to file an out of state parnting plan, Wich is nothing different , It justa addresses the Issues of the distance and whom does the driveing etc , and when the kids will be at your house , then after that it's a matter of enforcement ,
  You can continue with this type of info or get serious and keep asking with a pen and paper in your hand , And I have heard My atty taslk to other people about this and I believ you just modify the parenting plan and if there is not a parenting plan then you will file one , Then if she is difficult there will be wrangleing , But you will cross that bridge as you get there , For not find out what you file next and get it filed ,

[rini]

czar


it would be helpful in supplying you with some information to know what state you are in and where the kids are.


some states have more online resources than others and do it yourself information to get you started.

rini

[rini]

czar


it would be helpful in supplying you with some information to know what state you are in and where the kids are.


some states have more online resources than others and do it yourself information to get you started.

rini