This is MixedBag's other half.....

[madinbama]

S this isB, I'm trying here, yes I know Z wants to come visit you  Sunday and I want him to come visit you but I have talked to him and he also understands my position where I just want to be left alone by K and I want K out of it.  She has no legal rights to Z whatsoever and the topper on this for when she called CPS not once but 3 times, she had no right to do that, S, Z is my son and your son, yes she is a step-parent, but she has no legal rights, I am the custodial parent I don't understand you say you love Z and you want to see him I don't understand why you would not ask K to stay out of it and leave me alone and let you and me handle it.   This is about our son, it kinda looks to me and Z that you know basically you love K more than you do him.  Your willing to forego a visitation with him, I don't know what to say.  But that letter was what....there is no arrest in OH, we have checked on that.  I never promised to spread our retirement, I do have a copy of the transcripts, I'm so tired of lies, all I'm asking you is to please call K, no postings, no calling people, you need to deal with it, he's our son, not hers I don't get involved in her son and her, I never got involved in her daughters and her, why the heck should I allow her to be involved with our son.  Except as a parent when she's down there, I can't do anything about that.  Alls I'm asking is that you ask to her or tell her to leave me alone, that's it S, what's so hard about that, what's so hard to understand it thank you.

[madinbama]

Instead of underneath each of my EX's voice mails:

MixedBag has been posting here since the site started at first to get help, and now to give help.

She never calls my EX, never writes, never even sends any kind of letter to her, and above all never bothers my EX at work.

Yes, at my request, she has called schools to get report cards and to send things to our son's teacher.  Yes, at my request she has called doctor's offices to give the proper insurance info since my EX fails to give the third insurance info and I gotta pay 90% of the uncovered/unpaid medical/dental bills after the EX pays the first $100 each year.  When all three kick in, there should almost be NO out of pocket expenses, ever.  There are good reasons for my wife to be calling; she is the one in the household that keeps up with the bills, and keeps me straight with birthdays, anniversarys, special events at schools, ect.

I have asked my wife to call the Sheriff's Dept out west when the EX has threatened to "Deep 6" my son (this was not the first time, she threatened the children's lives once before in another state/police report accomplished to document the incident).  She has also made some follow-up calls on my behalf.  I asked her to do this in part because I myself am in law enforcement, and I do not want any perceptions given to my children that I would influence the decision of fellow officers if in fact they had done anything against the law.      

When B called, Mixed told her that she knows she's not Z's mother.  I heard her even though I wasn't in the room.  She told EX that IF she would be doing the right thing, then there would be no examples to share here on the site to show others that "Yes, we understand".  MB told her to be a mother and step up to the plate and put Z on the plane this sunday.  EX yelled back at her and said she wasn't doing ANYTHING for MB. MB said "It's not for me, it's for Z because he wants to come."

MB knows the legal boundaries of being a stepparent to Z even though they are very gray.  

EX isn't willing to hold her husband to the same standard of involvement or rather uninvolvement.  I do want to add here that I am not angry what-so-ever with her husband.  He in fact has stated plenty of times she needs to put Z on the plane, but his words are futile also.  He has been a good stepfather to my son, and has put up with the verbal abuse from Z from time to time, but I also know he really cares about fostering Z's relationship with me, because it's the right thing to do.   God forbid if they were ever to get divorced...I might be able to talk him into testifying how she intentionally violated order after order!

The order says that I have to pay for transportation (at first for 3 children, but now we're down to one).  The former local judge (even though he is a family friend of hers) told her in court that she had to take the children to the airport AND he said I should reimburse her for gasoline.  I have sent her money each an every time even when she demanded it before she would leave the house.  The State Supreme Court Mediation judge told her the same thing.  So did her attorney who quit on her because she should have lost custody a long time ago for thumbing her nose at the system.  (I've got it in a letter from her attorney!)

MB was blackmailed by her EX into giving up custody.  There was no plea bargain, because there were no charges filed.  MB's EX in a short nutshell said "Give me custody or I ruin your 15-year military career."  She had two other mouths to feed and $40K in debt, she decided to feed her children and keep her career.  On the other hand, her EX was a civilian and his company doesn't CARE about debt and his infidelities (Camilla), so the scale wasn't balanced at all.

My retirement was addressed in the final order from OH.  She keeps her retirement and I keep mine.  Notice she doesn't even mention in any voice mail that she has a retirement from the reserves and I should have received half of that.  She never stepped foot in an OH courtroom BUT she was represented by an attorney.  I guess she doesn't understand the concept that "he" spoke for her, and agreed upon issues on her behalf, that's what she hired him for, isn't it? Therefore, since too much time has passed (1999), the order isn't appealable.  The JAG on base can't do anything for her, they are not licensed to practice family law and can only give advice.  They can not overturn Ohio's decision!  She also states in her voice mail (# 4 post) the only reason she is going to go after my retirement is because I won't make MB stop posting, otherwise she doesn't want or need my retirement...talk about blackmail (extortion).

And yes, there is a bench warrant that was issued for her arrest as a result of the first contempt filed after the divorce was final in OH.  Thankfully, MB goes to OH once a month and she can look into it personally at the local courthouse to see why when EX/B called that she wasn't told that one is out there.   There was actually a sentencing hearing in which the judge gave her 30 days in jail for her contempt.  My wife should have plenty of time in April to check on this issue.

My two older girls both decided (one year apart) to leave their mother as a direct result of her actions, not mine.  But she hasn't learned her lesson.

So who wants to step up to the plate and tell my EX that SHE's the one who is causing herself all these problems?  

So there, EX.  This is your EX speaking, not MB.  See it doesn't matter if she posts, or if I post, the story is the same because it's the truth.

Put Z on the plane on Sunday and you take away my ability to go back to court once the decision from the Supreme Court comes back, or go right back to court for contempt.

It's in your hands, which is why it's so messed up.  A special thanks goes out to the one who my wife calls Camilla...because we know that within a very short period of time this post will be printed, and sent to my EX.

I find it "very" funny when the EX says my wife is obsessed with her, when the facts dictate that the EX is in fact obsessed with my wife.  I also find it extremely amusing to know that both my EX and MB'S EX's current live-in (i'm not to call her "fake wife") talk regulary on the phone to discuss my wife and I.  Talk about double obsession!  

Thanks for reading my novels...it has been such a long time since I, myself, have posted on these boards! Thanks again!  

[4honor]

sound much like DH's ex.

[wysiwyg]

yea I can relate sounds like DH ex.  I have many daily phone calls like this, the best one was 8-9 calls asking for something really trivial, no one was home (was at work) and with each phone call she got madder and madder and finally was swearing and giving the answering machine 15 minutes to call her back.  This all took place over the course of about 2 hours.  

[madinbama]

Thanks for sharing that!  I can not tell you how many times my EX calls, at all hours of the day and night.  Sometimes she calls 4 to 5 times between 3:00am and 5:am...then it will be between 8:00am and 10:am...then it will be in the evening. She leaves these messages on the voice mail and then tells me I can't use them against her because I had no right to record her.  I now just let the voice mail pick it up and let her ramble on knowing she is going to say something that might be useful later.  Thank God I have plenty of minutes on my phone cause she sure can waste her share!  You know, it would be different if she would say something new, but for going on 9 years now it has been the same things.  I find it entertaining at times now to see how many different ways she can say the same thing.  She is only hurting the kids, and doesn't see it like I do! Thanks again!

[Sunshine1]

This sounds like our SM in my case.  She and EX had a fight with themselves over my voicemail one day while I was in a meeting at work.  I came back and I had 7 missed calls and 45 minutes worth of voicemails.  I couldn't believe that they started a fight, came to a resolution and by the last call all was well...totally bonkers, all while I was not even present.  These people make no sense...and neither does this BM.  If she only knew this is going to bite her in the ass...she wouldn't be acting this way.

[LongDistantParent]

All I can say is WOW.  I'm a Long Distance Mom who is suddently VERY grateful that my situation isn't nearly this bad.

If these tapes are word for word then I'll certainly be happy to step up to the plate and say this woman has a definite obsession with your wife and is bordering on unstable.  Any judge who listened to these tapes would see that.  How does she not realize that?  I mean, she put on a RECORDER that she's going to "hit your pocketbook" if you don't cave in to her demands??

This woman isn't going to have to worry about driving her child to the airport to see Daddy . . . she's going to end up behind bars if she doesn't cool her jets.

::shaking her head at the insanity::

The craziest part is when I read that 2 of the children have already left her for being this way???  And she hasn't learned anything from that??  

Oye Vay.  If there wasn't a child involved I'd say just keep handing her the shovel because it's her own hole she's digging.  Maybe when she hits bottom she'll wake up, but at what expense to the child?

I'm so truly sorry that you and your wife have to endure something like this, but even more sorry that the child has a custodial parent whose willing to put them (and their visitation with the non custodial parent) smack in the middle of a blackmailing threat.

Truly.... a judge needs to be made aware of this behavior.

This woman needs a wake up call.

[BelleMere]

And I say used to because she is now in jail for, yes, trying to kill her own children to keep them away from my DH (and me). Thankfully, she didn't succeed - but she is definitely relieved of her parenting responsibilities. 15 years behind bars and the kids will be adults when she gets out. So taking those threats seriously is absolutely what you must MUST MUST do!!! I'd be recording her phone calls, personally, and letting her know that. For your child's wellbeing. And I'd also be filing police reports for visitation interference if she doesn't put your son on the plane. We did that a couple of times - in our state it's punishable with a fine or time in jail - and we cleared that little problem right up.

Regarding the retirement - as you probably know, whatever is in that decree stands, but it could be challenged. If she wants to spend money on that, whateva. My favorite response to all that is "We'll deal with it when you file the papers." Courts DO NOT tie finances to visitation, so she could get herself in real trouble here by withholding your child b/c she doesn't like the way retirement worked out nearly, what, a decade ago?

A WIFE (stepmother or not) can legally make calls to schools, doctors and police etc on behalf of her husband. If you want to back that up with paperwork, you can always give her a power of attorney - there are custodial POAs - and I'd send that to your ex, just so she knows the bases are legally covered. And of course your wife can email or post online - it's a free country. I assume she is a careful enough woman to know not to post your ex's name and address, so it's not like it's harassment. Your Ex of course doesn't have to read what your wife posts! That's HER CHOICE.

Personally, given the similarities here between what I see in these messages and what we went through, I'd  be worried. The more they object and defend, the more you should be concerned about how your child is being parented. There's a biblical passage I like in John that basically says if people are doing good, they don't mind having the light of day shone on it. If they are doing wrong, they prefer to do it at night. In other words, as long as your ex is making the best decisions, she shouldn't care who calls whom about your son. But we can see clearly that she isn't - she IS emotionally blackmailing her own child, and that is bad parenting.

Oh, also, if you have an answering machine, trash it and get voice mail and caller ID. Our BM's calls went WAY down once she realized that her voice was not echoing through the house, courtesy of the answering machine. Her little power trip went down the drain right there.

[jilly]

That is one crazy psychotic woman!

[catherine]

wow, what a story.  I just wanted to say that I've seen MixedBag on here for years and very rarely talks about her own story.  She usually offers good balanced advice based on her multi-roles in the family.  And as far as I know - I have NEVER seen any identifying information so this can't be a liable or slander suit at all.  None of us know who you people really are.

And a note to the person, Camilla, who has kept all this nonsense going:

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

There are always stories like this of people "finding" exes on the net.  It's people like YOU, Camilla, TRAITORS that cause this shit.  Some friend you are.  All you are doing is causing the whole family (AND THE KID) stress.  Smarten up.