What do we do???

[jill0480]

To start, I am not the father (I am his wife...)

My husband and I married 8 months ago but recently (2 months ago) his ex-wife called and said that she has a 2 yr old that is his, when she first got pregnant and when the child was born she told him he was not his, (when she came to texas and they married unknowingly to him she was still married to another man in Pa, and that is the one whos name is on the BC) we tried to find her many times to get a dna test to know for sure but she disappeared and goes by different names, ssn's, and changes her phone #'s when she called us up now we bought a parenity test and the results came back positive. She lives in PA with the baby we live in TX. He has only seen pics never meet his child, he is military so we can't just up and go. We KNOW by things she has told us via phone, email or text messages that she is not that great of a parent. My husband desparetly wants to meet and/or even raise his child, he is scared if she gets served with any kind of papers or even says anything negative to her that she will disappear again... What do we do???

[doright]

It sounds like she is playing head games with him. If she put some other guys name on the birth certificate, that's the guy they go after first if she gets a child support order.  There really is nothing you CAN do, unless you can find out if she is getting welfare benefits, you could write to the PA office and see if paternity has been established for that child already.  

That's what I would do.  If paternity hasn't been established, they may open up the case, and have DNA done with your hubby, but then he's going to have to pay child support.  From what I have learned, they will base it on Texas guidelines most likely--that's what they did with my brother, the mom lived in Ohio, he lived in Texas.  Another friend lived in Minn, and her X lived in Texas and they used Texas guidelines.... just as an example.  

[twopeaks]

My personal, if negative, advice is to cut your losses before an irreversible attachment is formed.  The alternatives could result in much pain and expense...resulting in failure.  Consider yourselves lucky with each other and your family.

A friend didn't know he had a child until two months before his CS obligation would have ended.  The court awarded XW 18 years of back child support when his unknown daughter was in her 20s.

Dr. Bill