Just been served!

[owen1219]

Morning gentlemen.  After being seperated with my girlfriend for almost six months, paying her a check religiously, and having visitation every week, she has decided to take my butt to court! I have heard from friends that there is an alternative to court called a mediation hearing? Does anyone have any insight on this subject matter? I've heard it is much less costly in both money and time. but where do i begin? any help would be appreciated. Thank you

[ocean]

What is she serving you with? Child support? Visitation? If you both agree to continue doing what you are doing (or agree to any changes) you can go to court with the agreement and they will ask if you both agree and it will be done. There are child support calculators on-line for each state. You can check and see if what you are paying is what the court would order if you do not agree. If you do not agree, then you can most courts will send you to the mediator first to see if you can work it out there before going to a full-hearing or trial. Does she have a lawyer? Good luck!

[owen1219]

Support, but I also want to get visitation in writting as well. Is there a way to request a mediation hearing prior to the first court date, or must I wait? I don't believe she has a lawyer, neither one of us really have the money for that, and (I think) we are more or less on the same page as far as what we want She is claiming that she is doing this because it is the law, but I don't exactly trust her intentions sometimes. I really appreciate your time and efforts, thank you!

[wendl]

you will have to go to court ,most courts will say you have to go to mediation, BUT if both parents are not willing to compromise then mediation is a joke.

Ask for the stars settle for the middle, but get it in a court order, spell out everything and remember to include when child gets to school age etc. Be specific in the dates and times of vistation as well.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[MixedBag]

In order to get parenting time (learn to say that, not VISITATION) spelled out by a court, you have to ask for it -- that means file a motion to establish a parenting plan.

In the mean time, write her and ask her to join you in mediation.  Find the names of a few in your area and then give her a list to choose from.

As was said, for mediation to work, both parents have to focus on the children and put their anger for each other aside.  This is difficult for many to do.

But not impossible....

Judge will probably order mediation for your motion but not for hers.

Learn the child support laws in your state because some use time as a factor for determining support and then the two motions will be linked.  Otherwise, you'll quickly learn that there's a free system out there to support collecting CS from you, but you gotta pay in order to get to see your child.

[owen1219]

We both are on the same page as far as parenting time and support are concerned, so I think mediation will work. But is this something I have to ask for, or will the Judge suggest it? I appreciate your time in helping the ignorant

[gipsy]

If you have been served she is trying to solidify support payments in wich it will be ordered by the court , And signed by the judge and hence a court order , In wich you can be held in contwempt for not paying ,
    SOOo If You Both agree then don't rock the boat , It would help you if you knew what the state guidlines say : And there are other people that posted about looking that up ,
    So the second Issue is to agree to a perenting plan , If you both agree then get it filed along with the support order she is asking for ,
     Be really nice ,
   I don't really think you should shoot for the moon and settle for the stars , Unless you think asking for  something difficult to get won't wind up causeing turmoil ,
   Sooo Here is about what a parenting plan looks like here in wash state " Of course with out all the legal writeing
       Non custodial  parent gets . Every other weekend , And one weekday from after school ; or work ;whatever untill   stated return time . Like to school or to Custodial parents house . Spelled out like this
    Pick up at School wednsday  Drop off at x Place at 7 pm eve ,
   
   Pick up after school at the school at 3 pm Friday drop off at Joes bar and grill , Or police station or Moms front door at 5 Pm Sunday
   Dad gets Holidays every other years as follows
                         DAD           MOM


       Xmas Day    odd         even
       News years ; Even      Odd
       Dads Birth day; Every Year
     Moms Bday;    Every
     Spring break;    Dad: First Half
        Same Ole S#$@E  For other holidays like presidants day off school and Martin Luther King day etc ,
     dad gets 4 weeks of summer  Vacation to be in writing one month before vacation starts , Dad Get first prevailling choice for summer days On odd years
  Mom Gets prevailing choice on Even years

    At any rate you can refine your parenting plan
   But this is about what it looks like So Look around on this site and post about refineing a parenting plan
   DON'T SHoot a bunch of BS out there and cause trouble etc ,
  What I outlined is similar but not all of the parenting plan . You could also get the parenting plan as temporary and then it could be changed later , And it is still a Enforceable court order ,
   Now the point is' Make one thing sure , That it say's she can't move away . Parenting plans say she has to give you written notice before the move , But the extra I would ask for while you are getting along is That she can't up and move , And if she agree's to it then you are good ,
    Now LISTEN UP !!!   Really try to negotiate your way through this and be nice and try to get a decent parenting plan , And a child support order that is about what You state guidlines say you will be paying,
   And If she is agreeable then sign off And get along with her .

  and you the child and her will be better off :

   

[Ref]

As the Dali Lama says "Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck"


As it stands, you have 0 rights. After you get all the stuff on paper and signed by the judge, you will have more.

My only advice is to put all parenting time schedules in as specific wording as you can. The grey area are what get you.  Also, don't forget to give yourself joint physical and legal custody AND shared decision making with a clause that says what will happen if there is a disagreement.

Good Luck
Ref

[MixedBag]

right?

[Ref]

nm