Urgent - Need Advice - Parental Kidnapping???

[michael0000]

Hello,

My wife and I have been happily married for almost 10 years.  Or so I thought.  Everything was fine last Sunday when she left to take the kids to her mother's house near Atlanta.  We spoke Sunday night, Monday and Tuesday, and everything was fine.  On Wedensday, she called and said she wanted a divorce.  It took a couple of days for that to sink in, but by Friday, I was in a panic about my 3 kids that are with her.  On Friday, she told me she was not bringing them home.  Ever.  I pleaded with her to be reasonable, but it's had no effect.  It's sunday afternoon and they should have been home by now.  I spoke to her and she talked to a family friend who is an attorney and that he said she is fine and not to worry about keeping them.

I am an independent software developer.  I've been fortunate enough to be able to work from for the last 5+ years so that I could play a huge part in the lives of my kids.  This is their home.  I want them back home with me.  I don't think they should be made victims of this.  They need stability and familiarity.

I know this is a crime in Missouri, but I live in Tennessee.  Any advice or ideas on what to do would be appreicated!

[ocean]

You can file in your state because she has not been in the new state for 6 months. Others will help you but I know you can file in your state for temporary custody and force her to come back to TN to deal with custody/visitation.

[maid marion]

The last poster is right. File in your state.
Also, How old are your kids? Make sure they know that your filing to make mom at least come back to tenn. and deal with the issue. Depending on their age ask them who they want to live with and if they say mom then unless she's not a good parent then don't fight them on it. If she wants out then let her get out but make sure you secure a relationship with your children. Be sure to get as much time with them as you can if they aren't living with you and I can't say it enough times...DOCUMENT ALL YOUR TIME WITH THEM!!! You may need to fall back on it in the future.
If you want to be near your children then you have to somehow get along with mom.
This is going to rock your world and their's also, so just keep looking at your children and as long as they are smiling back at you then your making good choices for them. Even if they end up living with mom. Keep us posted as to your developments.
Good Luck to You and Yours,
Maid Marion

[reagantrooper]

If nothing is filed yet, get her to let you come and just take the kids for a brief visit dinner, movie or to a park etc etc. Then take the kids home and file  in your home court for temp custody based on her abandoment of you and the kids.

Check with Soc on how best to do this!

Good luck!

[reagantrooper]

If nothing is filed yet, get her to let you come and just take the kids for a brief visit dinner, movie or to a park etc etc. Then take the kids home and file  in your home court for temp custody based on her abandoment of you and the kids.

Check with Soc on how best to do this!

Good luck!

[reagantrooper]

If nothing is filed yet, get her to let you come and just take the kids for a brief visit dinner, movie or to a park etc etc. Then take the kids home and file  in your home court for temp custody based on her abandoment of you and the kids.

Check with Soc on how best to do this!

Good luck!

[notnew]

IF YOU CAN AFFORD AN ATTORNEY - GET ONE ASAP. DON'T WAIT FOR THE ATTORNEY TO FILE FOR EMERGENCY CUSTODY.

Go to your court and file an emergency ex-parte motion for custody. Your grounds that the children are better with you is that the mother has deserted the family and removed the children from their stable home environment. Also, get your divorce filed for on the grounds of desertion or whatever terms apply in your state. There should be a pro-se office in your court house, ask them for assistance. If not, explain to the clerk.

If you plan on hiring an attorney - do so asap and give him/her copies of your filings so they can proceed accordingly.

Now, do you have ANY idea why she left?  It is time for you to document and assemble your proof of anything that she has done that is not in the best interest of the children and detrimental to the marriage. Can you search your computer to see if there is any evidence on there of her planning to leave. Being you are a software guy, you should know how to find all those secret places the computer hides things I would hope.

I don't believe this meets the level of a crime because there isn't an established order designating custody yet. You need to get that in place asap.

ALSO - I HIGHLY suggest you post on Socrateaser's board for guidance. Remember to read the guidelines for posting.

Keep us updated - there are many here who have experience with what you are going through.

Remember - DO not EVER lose your temper. Do NOT EVER involve the children (I do not agree with Maid Marion about asking the kids who they want to live with), and make sure you keep your nose squeeky clean cause the mud will be flying. PS - do what you can now to protect your assets also.

This is just my opinion - not legal advice.

We are all hoping things work out for the best.

[notnew]

Maid Marion,

I have to respectfully disagree here. IMHO: Involving the children is not a good idea. Especially now, when things are highly emotionally charged. Those kinds of actions could be used against him at a later date. Better to leave the kids out of it. You are right about spending as much time as possible with them and reassuring them that he loves them. The ugly details of mom and dad's divorce are better left unsaid. I am sure mom is saying enough already. Those kids have got to be wondering by now why they aren't going back home.

We don't know, the mom may have good reason for leaving (not making any accusations about the original poster here) HOWEVER, running away is not the way to do it unless there is physical abuse and even then, the distance is still not good. She should have made other arrangements if she desired to divorce her husband.

Wrenching the children from their normal environment is not what a good parent normally does. Good parents act in their child's best interest. Clearly, this is not what is happening here. Just laying down and letting the kids go with mom is not always the best choice. Besides, we don't know her earning capacity, environment kids will be raised in, etc. She may have been an excellent parent up until the day she left and now all that may have changed. He doesn't know that because he is not living with her anymore.

You say that the poster should just let his wife out of the marriage, but to secure a relationship with his children. Well, you never know what demands some people place on their spouse while divorcing. He has to make sure they reach a settlement he can live with and that doesn't ruin him financially or place his children out of his reach. Atlanta is a good distance even if you are at the closest point in Tenn.

You are right about documenting.

"If you want to be near your children then you have to somehow get along with mom" - I have to tell you that was the statement that got to me the most. I have spent many years trying in every way possible to "get along" with my ex and SHE has chosen to be bitter and vengeful. Her choice is not my responsibility. HOWEVER, I have done everything I can to make sure the relationship with my child is maintained despite the wishes of the mother. And at this point, there is a custody modification in process that I am very positive about and more importantly will put my child in a much better environment to live in. The fact that the modification has proceeded against her is a direct result of her failure to get along with me on any level.  Some people will never be reasonable and do what is best for the kids no matter what the cost (to themselves or their children and THAT is NOT good parenting).

Filing for temp. custody and having the children returned to their home and normal environment is what is best for them. Everything else can be worked out as the process is plodding along. If he waits for a divorce and normal custody hearings to take place, months will have gone by and she may very well have the legal time in Atlanta for residency.

It is best for him to keep his communications with his soon to be ex as business like as possible to protect himself.

Please don't be offended. Just letting you know that there is another side to consider.

[michael0000]

Thanks notnew!

Things are happening really fast right now.  I met with an attorney this morning, but there won't be a judge around for us to apear before until tommorow morning, which is upsetting, but I guess I have no recourse but to wait.

As of this moment, she is scrambling to lock me out of a shared paypal account we have been using that has the money I need to pay the retainer to my attorney.  She reported my card lost which of course is a big lie, and she even called the phone company to have them disconnect my phone and internet service.  I'm there's more too that I just have not learned about yet.  I'm literally reeling from the shock that she could stoop to these levels.  Even this morning, after all of this, I would not have thought she would do these things...

Oh, and FWIW, the PayPal account was empty when she left.  The funds in their today were from a client who has faithfully paid via that account for some time now.  I just didn't want anyone to think that it was her money that was in there...

I'll post more later tonight.

Thanks for the support and advice guys!

[maid marion]

Not offended at all. I should have put it a different way. I ment that if the kids do ask what's going on then depending on their age he can tell them that what he is doing is just trying to make sure that he will still be in their lives. If they don't ask then definately don't offer and even if they do ask, somethings, I agree are better left unsaid.
As far as getting along with mom. I indeed know how strenous that can be. My Ex had placement of our child because he was the stay home dad. We had joint custody but he didn't care. He pushed me around for 2 years. I jumped through so many hoops because of him it is ridiculous. However, when he did things that were destructive to my relationship with our child then I took him to court. And I won almost 99% everytime because the court could see how unreasonable he was being and making really bad choices for our child. Eventually he completely disregarded the judges ruling on a relocation trial and he left anyways. He is now facing Child snatching charges and I have sole custody of our child.
Believe me, I definately can understand the NCP's side. Male or female.
You sound like a wise person. Your advise is good. Thanks for sharing.
Maid Marion