Urgent - Need Advice - Parental Kidnapping???

[notnew]

Call paypal and let them know what is going on. freeze the account and open a new one immediately. You will have to adivse your client(s) of the new payment method and apologize for the inconvenience.

Contact the phone companies and internet people and establish accounts in your name only. IMPORTANT: Tell the phone company you want a PIC Freeze on your account and that they have to contact you at a certain phone # to verify any changes before they go into effect.

Any accounts you hold jointly with your wife, you must close and re-open new. Credit, savings, retirement, all. Don't fool around with this - she knows what she is doing.

Sounds like you live in a rural area. Nice for living, but not great when these types of things happen. I can't help but think of the scenario in the Wild West Days when you waited around in jail until the judge came around to try all the cases that built up.

The attorney will know what to do to help protect your assets. Also, VERY important - have the attorney ask in filings to have your wife pay your attorney fees. Even if she is ordered to pay half in the end - that will save a little $$. You had to retain the attorney due to her actions, not your own.

We'll be looking forward to hearing how things are going.

[classicrock71]

Im in the same boat live in Tn and Kids are in Ks. You need to go get those kids enroll them in school and keep being the solid parent in the relationship. They need their father just as much as the mother!!!!

[Genie]

it is only kidnapping if the person without custody refuses to return children to person who has custody.

And she is right.  She is fine keeping the kids with her.  When I divorced I wanted to get temp custody papers right away and my attorney said not to worry about it.  The parent who has the children with them is considered to have custody during the proceedings.  It was true. I am in IL though.

So I would file for divorce right away to make sure that TN retains jurisdiction at this time.  She would have to wait 6 mos to file in the state she is for that state to have jurisdiction.  Now this isn't a guarantee that MO will not say GA should have jurisdiction sometime during the proceedings since the kids are there.  You should ask that she needs to return the children to TN but there is no guarantee that will happen either.  The longer she stays there, the more likely is will be that she can and will keep the children there.

So get ready for a fight but don't be disappointed when it doesn't come out in your favor. Sorry have to be realistic here too.  I would work on getting a joint custody and visitation schedule in place you are happy with.

Try to work on getting along right now and foraging a working relationship too.  Let her know you accept her decision right now even though you don't understand it and tell her you miss the children and would like to work something out to see them soon.  If you aren't confrontational right off the bat, maybe you guys can come to an understanding and work out the details in a way you are both somewhat happy and keep to the schedule and the children won't be hurt or put in the middle.

And then maybe you and your wife can start talking in the future as to her choice and see if you can work that out too. I see so much fighting and court battles and denying and putting the children in the middle and arguing that it is sickening.  I truly believe some divorces don't have to turn out that way if all that is put aside and things start out on the right foot.  Now you shouldn't be a doormat and have her walk all over you through this but I would give it a try to some degree and see what happens.  You may be surprised.  But do what you need to to protect yourself as well in the mean time.

[FatherTime]

It's time for the kidnapping to stop.  It's not kidnapping by the way the courts see it...but to the victimized parent, there is no other way to see it.  I am tired of seeing the abuse that "women" use to play the system.  I say "women" because I have yet to see a "MAN" use this tactic.  It is taught or HACKding in their mindset that it is their right.  It really irks me to see the courts not address this for what it is.  Because, If a "man" did this he would be jailed.  I know for sure in my case that I would have been jailed for doing what my daughter's mother did.  

My suggestion:  File Ex Parte emergency custody order, will be denied but documented, it will establish jurisdiction in your state.  File for full custody. Establish Parenting time as soon as possible.  However, if she is planning on living in the other state and the courts believe that she will end up living in the other state with the children and custody, then the other state may obtain jurisdiction because it would be a more convenient forum, although your state will initially have jurisdiction.

Search for the term 'custodial interference' and see how that might pertain to your situation and Your State.  Document, Document, Document.  Use a time tracker to help keep things organized and you sane.  Eat, sleep, rest, take care of yourself.  Take Care of Yourself!  Trust me been there, done did it.  Always take a witness on pickups and dropoffs.  ALWAYS.  

Coder? me too.  hmmm...

FYI:  I am not an attorney, lawyer, or paid liar.

It's FatherTime

[Genie]

and it happens alot and often. We just don't hear it on this board b/c it doesn't want to be heard. Maybe that is why some Moms do this b/c they are afraid that Dad will take the kids from them b/c they can and have the money etc.  We all give advice to Dad's here to protect themselves against the bad BM.  Well, the BM is just protecting herself in return.  Both sides are not right on the tactics that are used.  And both sides ultimately lose no matter the outcome.

Remember not every Dad is a deadbeat and not every Mom is "vindictive" and use the kids to "play the system".  The faster this is realized, the faster things can be worked out in a better way for all.

[michael0000]

I'm finally back online!!!

This has been the most insane week or two in my entire life.  I can't imagine anything more difficult for a person to go through...

Sorry if this sounds a bit scattered, but there is a lot I want to relay...

She had been insisting that she wanted a divorce becuase she wanted a better life for her and our kids.  I tried so hard to understand this, but it didn't make sense to me.  We made literally every single decsion in our lives together, and have never really fought about money.  I make decent money, but sometimes it is sporadic, and when things get tight, it is stressful, but we just stressed out together and never really fought about it.  Of course there have been so many times that things were more than great finacially, in my mind it has always balanced out.

Her clinical way of discussing it, and refusing to show even the slightest desire to talk to anyone, or do anything to try to work through this has been perplexing, frustrating and painful to say the least.

I met with four different attorney's here before I found the one guy I believe is truly capable of dealing with this for me.

Monday, she called and disconnected the phone and internet, my cellphone, and reported my debit cards lost/stolen.  I immediately called and re-ordered new service, but they can't get it on till the 16th.  These three things she did, caused me such intense grief, I can't even begin to explain.  My entire professional existance is channeled to the rest of the world through the internet, and losing it like that, at a time when I desparately need to come up with as much cash as I can was intensely painful.

Today, while copying some of the kids photos off of her computer, I realized she may have discussed this with hre friends on MSN.  Hoping to gain some more insight into what went wrong, I started reading the chat transcripts.  Lo an behold, I discovered she had met a guy in Second Life and had chatted with him breifly on MSN.  It was a short exchange, but it revealed the depth of their relationship and discussed how she could not chat with him on MSN, because she was afraid I'd find out.

Rewind a bit.  I knew she met the guy on SecondLife, but it's a social thing, and I'm not really that possesive.  When I started waking up at night and finding her on Second Life at 1 or 2 in the morning, I got a bit concerned, and asked her to quit.  She agreed.  I found her chatting with him one other time after that about a week or two before she left, and we did sort of but heads on it that time.  She said he approached her and she was just being polite, or something to that effect.

So, it turns out she has been having late night online rendevous with this guy.  I'm am almost positive that she told me that he lives about 20 minutes from her mother's house, so now it all starts becoming clear...

Ok.  My lawyer filed for divorce yesterday, citing improper marital conduct and irreconcilable differences.  He set up a pendente lite hearing for the 20th.  She should be served sometime early next week.  My attorney says I have an excellent chance of getting at least 50/50, but I have huge concerns about that.

She and I had previously agreed that she would brings the kids this weekend to give me a chance to talk to them and just spend some time while she picked up some of her crap.  Today, now that she found out I am seeking full custody, she freaked out and is refusing to bring them this weekend.  She changed her cell phone number and won't give me the new number either.

I confronted her very gently about the relationship with this guy and she did not deny it, but wouldn't talk to me about it.

So -- my position on the kids and custody is this.  If she would agree to come back to this county to live, I'd agree to 50/50 custody.  If she insists on living in GA, then I don't want to subject the kids to that.  It would be a 12 hour round-trip to go back and forth.  It would prevent them from joing dance, or karate, or swimming, and it obviously wouldn't work come the start of school.  I want them in a stable environment, and if she insists on living in GA, then full custody with me is the only thing that makes sense.  Frankly, I can't understand how a judge could disagree with that, but I know very little about this...

Now that I'm back online, I will post more as this unfolds.  Cross your fingers that my kids end up the winners in this thing!

Thanks for all the advice guys!

[ocean]

Is she living with her mother now? She could say that you are getting a divorce and the only option is to live with her mother (which the court might consider). If you could prove that she ran off to live with the on-line boyfriend that would probably help. Your lawyer has to be quick (and court gets delayed/postponed or continued for months sometimes) because it will be hard to get them back once she enrolls them and they start school again.  Does she have a lawyer? I do not understand what 50/50 you are going for since you are in different states. Good luck!

[michael0000]

Yes, she is living with her mother, but based on what I know now, being close to this new guy in her life is clearly a big part of her decision.

I'm taking this new info back to the lawyer Monday, but I don't think we could prove this by the 20th.

I want full custody if she insists on living in Georga, but would seriously consider 50/50 if she comes back here to live in the same county.

She had a call with an attorney (from TN) today, but I don't if she's hired him or even has the money to.

[ocean]

Does she take everything with her? I would think that she is not coming back unless the courts force her. If she gets a lawyer, they will want to drag their feet until school starts again. I would come up with a detailed vistation plan to hand the judge of what you would want for her visitation if she was out of state. Be liberal with it and show you are willing to work with her but that the kids have their roots in your hometown. Give her a big chunk of summer, exteneded vacations from school, and if she ever came to your town (with notice). Be very specific....dates/times/who picks up. Then in your back pocket I would have the schedule you would want if she was given custody. She should have to pay for all travel or bring them since she moved out of state. Use the school calendar to help you find the longer weekends. Almost every month has a least one. Can you ask for temporary summer visitation? Good luck!

[michael0000]

Good Morning,

So -- to try and raise money to help fight this fight as good as I can, and to make sure I look as good as possible in court next week, I need to raise a ton of cash.  While I've got a whole house full of stuff, and we own our house free and clear, I couldn't sell anything or get a loan without her permission.  I've decided to post my story and try to sell my services and a buch of source code I've written over the years.

I realize that not too many readers here may be interested in either of these, but I hope I can convince you to take a look at the site, and maybe leave some supportive comments to help convince others who may be tempted to help.

http://www.5sanfords.com

If you know any other way of spreading the word about this site, I'd be soooo grateful!

Thanks so much for everything!