Boy did I mess up...

Detter D · Jun 25, 2006, 08:16:46 AM

thanks....and all the best to you too.....

one child came over yesterday and I thought was to see
me, but apparently it was because cm disagreed with a
date that was pending, and she thought it would work with
me,,,,,it didn't, but I solved the problem with having him
come in our house and meet him, and stay for a movie
instead of her going with him,,,,,,a little heartbreaking to
know that was the reason she came and not to see me....
Trying to make the best of it, and did get to see her....

Love all the kids and hope the GAL will see again that this
stuff is all revenge, and there is no reason for her to
go for sole custody.....but the kids are so manifested in PAS
that they cannot see beyond what she says to them

WEll, let's hope both us get out of this with contact and love
from our children....

stepmomfor2 · Jul 08, 2006, 11:51:46 PM

I do not see where you messed up at all. Having given your kids an option to visit or not shows that you're a father being flexible and sensitive to your kids' lives. No one can fault you for trying different ways to make things work out for you and your kids. But since you are noticing that your relationship with your kids is not flourishing, you just need to try something else, right?

I do support you, and I know you don't want opinions, but I wonder if you've thought of just continuing your visitation schedule on your very next scheduled time exactly as the C.O. states? Just call BM ahead of time and tell her you are coming on the date and time of your visitation just as your C.O. says. You don't have to talk with BF for any reason, to eliminate screamfests, and just be a broken record with him asking to speak with BM. After BM knows you are coming, you could ask to speak with your kids just to let them know you can't wait to see them and maybe even ask them to be thinking of something they'd like to do when they come over and try to make some traditions with them. When you show up, if no one is home, leave a friendly note and keep showing up every visitation time you have. Your kids will come around and they will see you are not giving up.

I know you are hurting, especially about the father/daughter dance, but try not to think about that, or Father's Day either. Start planning for an upcoming dance - doesn't have to be a "father/daughter" dance either; you can bet that was all BM/SF's doing anyway, just for your benefit. Seems like they are trying to control, and not being nice about it; but, not your concern!

Oh, and I'm sure you are documenting all encounters with BM, especially your missed or shortened visitation dates and the reason. Your log can show negative patterns and use of PAS by BM/BF. You may need this some day.

Your kids know you are a caring, loving dad! Good luck to you!

Detter D · Jul 09, 2006, 04:26:41 AM

thanks...I just get so frustrated with things....and this weekend, was
my weekend to have the kids, and she went on vacation with them,
and never brought them back for my weekend with them......no
notification that the kids would not be avialable.....just didn't have
them there....

I went to the house and e-mailed her that I was there at correct time
and place, but the kids were a no=show.....no response from her
about this....like it didn't happen...

This is getting so blantant now...this is a new 'low'......she is getting
so bold now, and doesn't care what happens.....she is not letting
me have the kids.....

I have them for vacation next week, and we will see what happens
there.....also we are to meet with parent coordinator, and I know
this will stall......oh, I'm sorry was that the date I was supposed to
be there...must have slipped my mind.......mind games....

No contact with children......no phone calls....no e-mails,,,,,like she
is hiding them from me ...like I was some sort of dangerous person.....
There is absolutely positively no REASON for her actions other than
obstructing visitation for my children and myself...

stepmomfor2 · Jul 09, 2006, 11:35:17 PM

Yep, sounds just like our BM just before she petitioned for full custody. Her change of circumstance was that she got married, knowing her DH for only 2 months. 7 days on/7 days off per court order was not going to work for BM, so BM withheld the skids countless times for a period of about 6 months. DH would drive 45 minutes one way only to find no one home. He'd wait 30 minutes, leave a note, and then file a report at the sherrif's office. Once, SD, then 10, called at 10:30 PM after DH arrived back home to ask if she really had to come over that night because BM was throwing SD a "hot tub party" with SD's neighborhood friends. Another time, after DH arrived back home from trying to get the skids, and after making a report with the sherrif, BM called DH all drunk and said "turn your happy A _ _ back around and come get them, if you want them so bad." Then, this next one is my all time favorite, and I hope this never happens to you, but BM's best and most frequent tactic was to allow DH to make the 45 minute drive to pick up the skids and then send her new husband out to tell DH "you are not going to get the kids this week." DH would ask if he could then just say hello to the kids, and new hubby would reply, "no." Then the next time the skids were allowed to go with DH for his week, SD would always end up telling us that she wanted to call DH but she was not allowed to.

DH recorded every event and, after the drawn-out custody battle, BM winded up with "no visitation at this time," and DH was given full, permanent custody! The GAL recognized that BM was blatantly alienating the skids from their father (PAS)! BM was also messing up with her Soma and alcohol, so the GAL cited neglect as her main concern with BM.

Please try to get your log up-to-date and then try to resume your visitations ASAP. I've read in a couple of places that if you allow your visitations to be interrupted, and allow it to continue, it appears you are satisfied with the arrangement, and the judge asks why you allowed it to continue, and not alot of sympathy is shown for that. I hope you will fight for what is rightfully yours, and make sure your relationship with your kids continues. Your children deserve you as their constant father in their lives (even if they haven't figured that out yet! )

I, for one, am routing for you, but also be assured that everyone here wants to see you turn this thing around, so you've got tons more who've got your back! AND, it's Monday; always a good day to start anew!

Good Luck to you!

stepmomfor2 · Jul 09, 2006, 11:35:27 PM

Yep, sounds just like our BM just before she petitioned for full custody. Her change of circumstance was that she got married, knowing her DH for only 2 months. 7 days on/7 days off per court order was not going to work for BM, so BM withheld the skids countless times for a period of about 6 months. DH would drive 45 minutes one way only to find no one home. He'd wait 30 minutes, leave a note, and then file a report at the sherrif's office. Once, SD, then 10, called at 10:30 PM after DH arrived back home to ask if she really had to come over that night because BM was throwing SD a "hot tub party" with SD's neighborhood friends. Another time, after DH arrived back home from trying to get the skids, and after making a report with the sherrif, BM called DH all drunk and said "turn your happy A _ _ back around and come get them, if you want them so bad." Then, this next one is my all time favorite, and I hope this never happens to you, but BM's best and most frequent tactic was to allow DH to make the 45 minute drive to pick up the skids and then send her new husband out to tell DH "you are not going to get the kids this week." DH would ask if he could then just say hello to the kids, and new hubby would reply, "no." Then the next time the skids were allowed to go with DH for his week, SD would always end up telling us that she wanted to call DH but she was not allowed to.

DH recorded every event and, after the drawn-out custody battle, BM winded up with "no visitation at this time," and DH was given full, permanent custody! The GAL recognized that BM was blatantly alienating the skids from their father (PAS)! BM was also messing up with her Soma and alcohol, so the GAL cited neglect as her main concern with BM.

Please try to get your log up-to-date and then try to resume your visitations ASAP. I've read in a couple of places that if you allow your visitations to be interrupted, and allow it to continue, it appears you are satisfied with the arrangement, and the judge asks why you allowed it to continue, and not alot of sympathy is shown for that. I hope you will fight for what is rightfully yours, and make sure your relationship with your kids continues. Your children deserve you as their constant father in their lives (even if they haven't figured that out yet! )

I, for one, am routing for you, but also be assured that everyone here wants to see you turn this thing around, so you've got tons more who've got your back! AND, it's Monday; always a good day to start anew!

Good Luck to you!

KidzNeedDadTo · Jul 11, 2006, 02:18:16 AM