KathyNY....How is it going?

[ocean]

Did the kids come back? What is happening? Hope all is good!

[KathyNY]

Thank you for asking!  I don't know if I posted this on Friday or not, but after BM went to court w/ her older dauther's father Friday morning, we found out that he walked in and said she can move w/ BM.  Big bomb dropped there.  Totally threw a wrench into the mix, that may make our case harder if the judge feels he siblings shouldn't be separated and wants to let them all move (rather than looking at it that if he makes our kids stay, BM will stay, and their sister will still be here, too).  Of course, then her dad "wins" too, and we end up paying all the legal fees and he gets what he wants in the end w/out pissing off BM or upsetting his kid.  Only we're the ones made out to be the bad guys.  Nice, huh?

We got the kids back after their week in Illinois, where BM ran off to, to get married last week. Our scheduled visit is 6pm Fri-6pm Sun but FH always picks them up early on Fridays cuz he either gets off of work 3-3:30 if he's on days, or he's done at 6am Fri morning if he's on nights, and just needs to get some sleep before getting them...

When FH talked to BM Thrusday he told her he had a wake to go to at 3:00 on Fri and wanted to get the kids around 4. BM said she had plans to do something w/ them but should be done around 4. FH called BM Fri early afternoon to see if 4 was still ok to pick them up and she said "No, closer to 6." So FH picked me up at work first, at 5, and we got to BM's at 5:35pm. The kids saw us thru the window and we could hear them screaming w/ excitement "Our dad's here!" over and over again! We waited on the door step for minutes before BM opened the door and snapped "IS IT SIX?! YOU'RE EARLY! COME BACK AT SIX! THEY'RE NOT READY!" and she shut the door in our faces, w/ the kids freaking out. When we got back at 6, pissed off of course, but I was trying to control FH from saying anything, the kids were saying "We saw you! Where'd you go?!" It was so sad!

Anyway, we go to dinner and during dinner they're full of tales of Illinois and all the cool places BM "showed" them- she didn't take them to any of these places to play, just let them know they're near their "new apartment" (chuck e cheese, a waterpark, their new school playground, putt-putt golf).
Then 5yo SS told me, out of the blue, "Mom says we don't have to listen to you. She said "You don't have to listen to Kathy" cuz she doesn't like you." This is the 2nd time he's told me this, but the 1st he's added that BM actually told them she doesn't like me. He did add, again, that he told his mom he DOES have to listen to me because I'm an adult. All I said was that we would never tell him not to listen to (their new stepdad).
At another point during the wkend I was talking w/ SD about something and SS piped up w/ "because you don't like (BM)?" and I told him it had nothing to do w/ whether or not his mom and I like each other. What is important is that I love him and take good care of him when his mom is not w/ him, and she should be happy about that, just like dad is happy that (new stepdad) takes good care of them and loves them when daddy's not w/ them, and he can tell his mom that if he wants, the next time she is saying mean/rude/nasty things about me and he doesn't know what to say.  

Sunday morning FH was at work and since he doesn't want to talk about BM or Illinois at all, but I'm kind of curious about their house, and the wedding, I asked the kids about it. They don't even have their beds or any toys at the apt. yet, so they said they're glad they have their bigger, decorated rooms w/ lots of toys at dad's house.

They told me how they got new shoes for the wedding and how it wasn't like the big wedding SS was in for his aunt, they were in a room w/ a bunch of other people waiting to get married, too. And BM wore a BLACK dress. I kept asking them if they were sure it was black. They were sure. I said, "you were black when someone dies" and SS said "Well, Mom wore white at the real wedding" so I asked if they had a party or something besides the ceremony they obviously had at city hall- he said "No, when she married my dad." I almost lost it. Had they not been in the room, I would've burst out laughing! I couldn't wait to call FH and tell him!

I did call FH Sat night when he ran to the store and the kids were playing...SS said "I'm Peter Pan" and 4yo SD said "and I'm Captain Hooker!" I said "WHAT?!" She said, "I mean, Captain Hook GIRL." Oh, okay.

So it was quite the entertaining weekend. They were wonderfully behaved, and we had a great time with them. BM called both mornings and we did let her talk to them (even when she called Sun and I was home w/ out FH, I gave them the phone) despite her not answering FH's calls when she had them away for a whole week. We get them back for two days and she calls 16 hours later!

And, the best part of all, for me anyway, was Sun afternoon. SS was (in the bathroom, that's the only part that smears the image!) and he hollered down the stairs "I can't wait until you and dad get married so we can say "Bye, Stepmom!" when we leave." I wanted to cry. They said they call BM's new husband stepdad and apparently got a kick out of saying "Bye stepdad" to him when they left IL, but I don't care what the motivation was-it was really touching for me that they are looking forward to being able to call me stepmom!

We meet w/ the lawyer tomorrow, he wants to "prep" us for trial, which starts next Tuesday (the 29th).  I'm so nervous.  I don't know if I'll be called as a witness and have to sit in the hall or if I'll actually be in the courtroom every day.  My fiance thinks I have an ulcer.  I've had acid reflux for 8 years and started having really bad stomach pains Thursday-but I'm scared to go to the doctor.  It's probably just stress.  

Thanks again for asking ocean, it makes me feel good to know someone actually cares.

[Kent]

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Well, did you tell them?
Yes, you were early, but you ALWAYS are early, and it never is a problem.
And you left again because BM said that the kids weren't ready.

That way you're not slamming the PBFH, but you ARE telling the kids the truth.

Kent!

[KathyNY]

Hi Kent.  Yes, we just told the kids that mommy wanted to change their clothes before they came with us.  They were so excited to be with us and tell us about their trip that the subject passed very quickly anyway.

BTW, what does PBFH mean?

[Sherry1]

nm

[KathyNY]

YUP!  That works much better than "BM" for me!  Although, I always thought that fit well, too, since I think she's a piece of sh*&!  Thanks for filling me in Sherry!

[ocean]

I am glad that they are back here. Did the other dad figure out the visitation for his child if they move? It really should not have an effect on your court date since you are proving that mom is not moving for a high paying job. I will have my fingers crossed!!!
Good luck!!!

[Sunshine1]

we're all nuts!  You know why?  Because of these two sentences that's why. I don't know, it must be the mood I'm in but I started laughing hysterically after reading this...

" but I don't care what the motivation was-it was really touching for me that they are looking forward to being able to call me stepmom!

We meet w/ the lawyer tomorrow, he wants to "prep" us for trial, which starts next Tuesday (the 29th). "


LOL..who says that all in one sentence???  Is it just me?  Or was it funny?

Little do you know, once you have the title its not all its cracked up to be.  Your going to be the most ignored, under appreciated, despised, irritated, exhausted, emotionally exhausted, mentally strained, stressed, drained, hated, loathed, no legal rights whatsoever, taken advantage of whenever possible, criticized, lied to, stabbed in the back, person like all the other stepmothers here.

BUT!

Its all worth it if you get one hug, kiss, glimpse of a smile, or a thank you from your step children.

If it were me I would run far far away knowing what I know now, but I think you've passed all the tests to become one of us now. I think you'll make it!!

WELCOME TO STEPMOTHER HOOD!!  Its a girl and a boy.  :)

[Kent]

Kathy,

I believe that you are too nice, and you're setting yourself up.
The reason why the PBFH said they weren't ready is irrelevant, and only speculation on your behalf. The kids are old enough to draw that conclusion themselves.

Next to that, the verbal agreement was to pick them up around 5, wasn't it?
She didn't keep her part of the agreement, just to spite dad.
The kids need to know, and you can tell them without bashing her.

Kent!

[KathyNY]

Yeah, you're definitely in a mood, alright!  

Thanks for the "welcome"!  :)

I wish I were in as good a mood today, though.  I'm mad at FH for his call w/ BM yesterday.  First she called to make sure there wouldn't be any "bad mouthing" at trial, and he reminded her that they'd both already told their lawyers & the law guardian that this isn't about their parenting and never said anything bad about each other- but she also mentioned me this time.  FH said no, there wouldn't be any bad-mouthing.  

Ummm...hold up...you bet your sweet a$$ I will be telling the truth when I'm called as a witness!  It has been documented and I will gladly repeat it that BM has, on more than one occassion, told those kids that they don't have to listen to me because she doesn't like me.  She's called me very nasty names (f*#%ing fat a$$ more often than most) in front of the kids, and FH has told her that we don't speak badly about her or her (new husband) to the kids and only expect the same, but she always has some stupid excuse for her behavior.

Anyways, she didn't let him talk to the kids during that call, so he called back at night (just as our bowling league was starting- he has such great timing).  And he told BM about the funny things SD said this weekend when we had them.  We went putt-putt golfing and 4yo SD threw down her club and said "I suck at this!" which was funny cuz she was the spittin image of her father who has been known to throw his clubs before.  It was a funny moment for us- when he did this on the golf course his friends called me, and haven't let him forget it, and FH thought it cute that she looked like "daddy's little girl" at that moment.

I was reading them Disney stories when FH was at the store and 5yo SS ran around and yelled "I'm Peter Pan!"  SD said "I'm Captain Hooker!"  I said "Did you say Captain Hooker?!" and she said "NO, Captain Hook GIRRRLLL!"  But it was hysterical when it happened and I called FH right away to share w/ him, and have been sharing this story w/ people at work.  We had a great weekend w/ the kids, and especially since they did say nice things to me, I felt very warm & fuzzy and was treasuring these memories we made.

FH spoiled this for me by telling BM.  It's not like he was telling her about one of them being sick or hurt, or sharing information like they tried a new food or something like that.  These were private, special family moments made by OUR family- BM is not in OUR family.  Is he so attached to her that he's not content just sharing info about the kids w/ me & his family.  Am I not good enough, as their soon to be stepmom, that she deserves this honor to be told these things just because she's their "mom"?

So I wrote him a note explaining my feelings and he didn't even apologize.  His response was "I could've sworn you said the other day that we should've told her what (sd) said."  Like I would be this upset if I really wanted to tell BM!  When we dropped the kids off we tried telling BM that ss swore a couple of times over the wkend, and she all but shut the door in our faces.  If she doesn't want to discuss important stuff, why should we share funny stories with her?  They were OUR stories.  More importantly to me, the one was MY story- FH wasn't even home when it happened.  It was a moment between me and the kids and he took that away from me.