Anger Problems With Child"

[daddyinpdx]

           Dear Sherry1 and Others,

I've had temp emer custody of child for approximately 6 months. The Judge (Northwest) awarded me temp emer custody after mom beat child. The child came to live with my wife and I after custody change. The child is a good kid, she just has a serious anger problem. I've recently learned that the kid has had several fights and school suspensions before coming to live with me.

My kid has been in school since August and has already been expelled for hitting a teacher and student. The county agreed to send her to alernative school. She's been in the alternative school for 1 month and has been suspended for making terroristic threats to a student.

The BM claims that it's because I "took" the child. The child goes to anger management, counseling, and girl scouts and admits that she can't control her anger.

Question: will her anger problems cause me problems in the court?

Child has definately learned not how to control temper from mother. The child has not lived with me since 3 years old. The child in now 12.

What else can I do? Is homeschool an option for the courts?

Dad is cross eyed when trying to work with an angry child. I love my Kid endlessly and will do whatever it takes.

 
 

[ocean]

I would document everything  you are trying and be involved as you can be. She is still young but has been through a lot I am sure. YOu could homeschool but will she sit for you and do her work? Could someone be home with her all day? WHat about one of those scared straight programs through a local jail/police station or one of those camps for kids with problems?

I would make a strict enviornment at home with her earning privileges (TV, phone, whatever else she likes). Some people have totally cleared out the kid's room and earn everything back. Have her teachers sign a daily agenda book about her behavior so you can deal with it each night. She takes the bus straight home. Reward the good days....take one day at a time. I have read that it takes a year to blend when there is a custody change.

What does the therapist say? Can you up the visits? Is is really working? Maybe find a new therapist that can get to her better or in a different way?

The  courts will look at what the child needs and at age 12 and her history it is clear she needs boundaries. You have the proof that this was happening way before she came to you. Keep trying!!!

[Sherry1]

I just hit the forums really late tonight, I will post to you tomorrow when my brain is awake!  Take care!  

[Sherry1]

talking a "counselor" but a full blown Doctor of psychology.  You might want to look for a psychologist that specifically works with families and children with behavioral problems.  Since your daughter has been physically abused, she is more then likely acting out physically with others.  Her mother's solution to problems were spankings and beatings and therefore your daughter is probably solving her problems by physically acting out.  Since your daughter hasn't been with you since she was 3 years old, she has years and years of stuff that has happened in her life you know nothing about.  You need to get her into counseling and then you and your wife need to be involved in family counseling to work through all this crap.  Does your ex still have visitation with the child?  You mentioned you have temporary custody.  If the mother has visitation with the child I would try to get it supervised since the mother is obviously poison to the child.  Your daughter more then likely might be diagnosed with a severe behavior disorder, i.e., Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  YOu really cannot help your child until you have a psychologist diagnose her.  You have to be able to help your child and admit that she might likely have behavior disorders that will take years to work through.  It took years for them to appear.  There are several good books out there you should get and read.  You could go to this link:  

http://www.conductdisorders.com

to read through their forums and you will realize you are not alone with an angry child.  There is also a lot of good information to help you deal with your child.  

Your child probably has had anger problems for years and if the child was removed from her mother because the mother beat her, then obviously a judge isn't going to return her to her mother's.  HOWEVER, you really do need to demonstrate to the court that you are trying to help your child.  You need to get her into a psycholgist AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  

Homeschooling is for the birds when you have an angry and defiant child.  Basically, all you would be doing is removing your daughter from everything in life and coddling them instead of addressing the true problem.  If your child can't learn to deal with her peers and respect authority NOW, what is going to happen when she has to find a job and deal with the real world?  

[daddyinpdx]

Thank you so much Sheryl and group.

I currently live out of state from where my child previously lived. The mom has been ordered to attend parenting classes and family counseling.

I'm also starting to see signs of manipulation from the child. She will withholds things like progress reports, school incidents, and other things. She shares more information with outside people like her court appointed advocate and mentor.

I don't know how to reach a child when we can't communicate. I've tried family counseling, anger management, parenting classes, prayer, and its challenging.

The child is awesome in academics, but is unremorseful when she gets suspended.

One thing I know for certain is that she hates structure and stretches the truth.

I've been informed that one more fight means permanent expulsion.

I'm clueless.

[Sherry1]

and you need one quick.