Please, need some help and advice.

[joni]

It's the same old story I've seen many times here. I have a beautiful, 6 y.o. SD. SD lives in NY, we're in IL. We see her two weekends a month plus extended time at the holidays, she flies in.

SD is a sensitive and emotional child. She is very bonded with us. It's my belief that the child is emotionally and at times, physically abused by her mom but it's so hard to prove.

The BM is emotionally checked out on this child. The child is left in the care of maternal grandparents, who they live with. Of course, whenever we take BM to court, she's mother of the year.

The child does not want to go home at the end of visitation. She hates her school, last week she faked being sick for four days. She says she's bored and lonely at home.

To challenge custody would bankrupt us. We're in the hole every month just paying child support and property settlement from the divorce. I know challenging custody would entail psych eval's, witnesses and a long court experience. BM would fight us tooth and nail, she doesn't want to lose her commission check.

It's just devastating to listen to her and worse to have to send her back. How do you get through this? What would you do? What have some of you done?

[NoNicky]

Life is fragile - handle with prayer.  Document everything you can and start saving your pennies for that attorney.  Your SD is still young.  It may take a year or three to have the money for the fight but you will never regret it.  Your SD won't either.  

Some days it feels like I am literally walking through the fires of hell.  Some days I cry.  Some days I think it is not worth all it is doing to all of us.  But then I look in their faces and all questions disappear.  How could I not do everything in my power?  Find a friend you can confide in as well.  Someone you can call any time of the night or day to just spill your guts to.  It will help to get it all out even if it doesn't resolve anything.  I've been told I have courage and strength, I've got a little secret; it's neither.  It's called being completely scared sh**less and not knowing what else to do except to soldier on.  I think that is what a lot of people do.  They simply keep putting one foot in front of the other because they do not know what else to do for their children.

NoNicky

[MKx2]

[em]"I've got a little secret"[/em]

********

I got one too NN ... you ARE courageous and strong.  Putting one foot in front of the other requires conscious strength and will power to not give up.  You may feel that you are "soldiering" but the truth is you are strong, courageous, and loving.

Keep on keepin' on m'dear ... for all of us, in some form or another, there will be satisfaction and peace that we ALL did the right thing, made a difference in a child's life, and did so with purity and love.

[MKx2]

I may have some information that MIGHT help you with some this.  I'm not sure, but I might ....

Just click on the e-mail link and I'll get it.

[gipsy]

 Check this out !  This is something that People fail to realize !! You could pay an atty 20,000  or 3,000 And get the same result . Let me tell Ya the story ,
    I fired two atty's One because of my impatience , One fro a damn good reason
     But I did a lot of reading and I can't remmember where I read this But I have verified this with a number of people Including attys
    Years ago the court let atty's battle out these Custody cases . the court , Sort of wised up and came up with the Guardian ad Litem program .
   The reason Is because atty's were fighting for the paying client to win , And The allegations were a flying , And trickery was deep ,
  The Court began appointing Guardian ad Litems On behalf of minor children , So they could get a report on the best interest of the children . And the rest is the current legal system , Now the wierd thing is the Guardian ad Litems are Not Highly trained people ,There is like a 28 hour course ,
   So Here Is what the basics are , In any custody case the Judge is very likely to do what the GAL say's to do , I have a friend that actuaklly fired his atty and went to the judge himself and got custody   To get to the point , I figured this out , and My Psycho did not and she dumped 20,000$ into an atty and I spent 3,000 $ Welll All this didn't matter , We tried the case and the judge went with the GAL report, I Really did not have a chance for custody , But we took her stupid ass to trial just in case There could be a fluke or she screwed up in front of the judge , What really happened is the psycho did not have one witness or report or any thing to substantiate her allegations , , And we went through psych evals and the whole nine yards , When you mention psych Evals You don't even understand the dynamics behind the whole science , First exceptin the case of a REAL delusional , Psych evals are VERY VERY subjective , And you can lie to them . My psycho lied her @$$ off !! I told the truth ! And Because she went and told a Mary poppins story , I came out bad , and she came out bad with me judged as worse , Now the whole process is subjective to The GAL opinion , This is an  individual that may be Biased or wierd , And is not very well trained , However the most important report to the judge is from the GAL , So before You even attemptthis whole thing , I can say from being on the other side And through trial , This whole thing Is a comedy of errors , And You need to be soooo prepared to make yourself out to be perfect , And Play the game of slander on her In a practically inconspicous manner , ,
   Here is why ,   Waky custodial parents like the one you describe are desparate when it comes to custody , And they will play this out with precision,
   But the real kicker is this Go watch a couple of custody trials at the court , Its open to the public , And you will really see that atty's really don't do much ,  I can't tell you how important it is to watch a trial before embarking on this mission , But secondly I say Just say there have been some problems that the child has been expressing and get a GAL appopinted and see if you can persuade the GAL to recommend a change of custody , If you get the GAl report in your favor or not Then ire an atty , Ya Think My 3,000 was cheap !Well let me tell ya , Her 20K wasnt . And I will say her atty didn't do Much for 20K And Guess what My atty didn't iether , There isn't much to this family law thing , My atty tells me this All the time , Its just fileing the papers , And working through the GAL process , I'm Not trying to get you to make a decision , But if I had this to do Again , I would got to the court and appoint a GAL  , This takes a few months forthe whole process , And I would watch a few trials , And do it My self , GO WATCH A TRIAL  And be really unimpressed with the family law he said she said , and then Watch the judge fall asleep on a boring atty,