Unexpected turn of events

[Kent]

The oldtimers here will probably still remember my case.

Today, there was an unexpected turn of events.

At around 10 this morning, I received a call on my cell phone from my ex. As I was in a meeting, I didn't answer. I noticed she left a brief message. Within 2 minutes my wife called. Now I knew something was up, so I stepped out of the meeting, and answered the phone.

Apparently, my 11 y.o. son had a run-in with his mother (or more than 1), and then told her that he wants to live with me. She asked him if he really meant that, which he confirmed. (He's been telling me that for the last 2 years).
At that point, she put him in the car, drove him to my home, and dropped him off. So he's with me now. I called her back tonight, and she was unusually calm, confirming that she knows now he wants to live with me, so that is what he should do.
I told her that we should let things cool off for a few days, and then we should talk again. (We will need, after all, to discuss how all that's going to work). She instantly agreed.

The sad thing is that she told him that he would never see her again. Then she grabbed his 5 y.o. (half)brother, and told them to say goodbye, because they would never see each other again.
I believe she said it in a state of anger and hurt, but I know it must have hurt him. But so far he's doing fine, he's extremely pleasant and happy, and surely doesn't want to go back.

I'll give him a few extra hugs before he goes to bed tonight.

Any suggestions on how to handle this from a legal point of view are welcome.

Thank you.

Kent!

[mistoffolees]

What just happened doesn't change a thing from a legal standpoint.

Let's say that she signs a document (even has it notarized) saying that it is her intent to never see the child again. It STILL is not binding (although it does say something about intent).

I would give her a couple of days to cool off and then talk with her about going to court to change custody. If you both agree (and she continues to agree), then it won't be very expensive or time consuming. In principle, you can do it very quickly without a hearing, although that depends on the location, I assume.

As you've already hinted, the best scenario would be if she decides to let him stay with you, but continues to see him (and let him see his stepbrother). Unfortunately, you have no control over that, so don't try to force it. If she continues to not want to see him, I'd see if she will talk with him if he calls, have him send Christmas cards, Mothers' Day cards, etc, and see if she comes around.

[hagatha]

Kent,


I do remember the hell you went through. And I remember thinking she will pay eventually for it.

I'm glad your son has been able to voice his wants and needs and I am so glad for you both that she has finally listened.

Now knowing her, I would think you should have a petition ready for her to sign when you speak again. She will either still be pissed at him and sign off on physical custody or she will be pissed at you and take him back. You need to be prepaired for either since consistancy was never her strong point.

I would hope she will sign off on physical custody and calm down enough to see him.

It's always been a crap shoot and you know her best. Is she serious or just too pissed to see straight

The Witch


Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[janM]

I think you're right to let things calm down.

Maybe she was trying to call your son's bluff and make him reconsider. I don't think it worked.

Shame on her for telling them they won't see each other again!

I think you should draw something up, and after you talk to her you'll know if she is serious. When you agree on the details (I hope you can), it should just be a matter of filing it with the court. When my son's exgf gave him custody, she just wrote up an affidavit, filed it, and they had a short hearing within a couple weeks. That part may be different where you are.

I hope this works out for all of you.  ((Kent and son))

[MixedBag]

Good luck -- and I hope this turns out well for your son.

[wallyworld]

Same exact thing happened to me in this last dec.  you probably remember my huge court battle too.  in the end, she just gave her to me again.  I honestly think in my case the icing on the cake was her having a baby with her now husband and really wanting a "new" family.  terrible I know.  But my daughter is now visiting her mom (supposedly) but her mom is in tampa and she's in pensacola visiting her gparents AND her mom has only seen her one time in 7 months (daughter's been in FL since June 4th).  

My lawyer drew up papers (worded very basic) and she signed (although you may have read my post were she reworded a lot of things.  But she signed non the less.  If you would like me to email you my document so you could copy and have her sign I wuold be more than happy to.  My lawyer charged me 500.00 for them.  I never knew that getting custody would be so cheap!  It's a miracle really!

eta:  my document didn't even need to be notarized.  The judge still signed them.  If your ex is anything like mine it was actually better that it didn't need to be notarized!

[wendl]

I remember your earlier posts.

I would agree to let things calm down.  I know in the state where my docs are they will let the two parties complete the change in parenting plan (agreed order) both parents sign and all they ask is you both go to a ex parte hearing to have the judge or commissioner sign off and your done.

Not sure how your state goes.

I would draw up the paperwork to help get things going but not show them to her until things calm down so you two can discuss it.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[ocean]

When does school start by you? Does he have to change schools? If so, you can see if she will sign for you to have custody so he can sign-up in the new school.....take a deep breath...high emotions I am sure.....offer her plenty of time on paper even if she does not take it at first. Maybe see if she will meet at a local park or something so the kids could see each other....
Good luck!

[dsm]

Have your ducks in a row with respect to you having primary custody, child support, suggested parenting time for her....counseling if you feel it is warranted...


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dsm - 36; DH - 40; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 4
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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[Childrenfirst]

Hi friend!

Yup, I remember your story from day one years ago....time has gone by so fast and the oldtimers have faded into the background. My suggestion is to let things cool too, but knowing her past history through the years, I would bet she will cool down and come and get him. I would contact your attorney right away and get his advice and get something drawn up as soon as possible for her to sign  when the time comes. Best of luck to you in your continual fight with your son. I hope your new family is doing well!