How to get started as a custodial father??

[janM]

Did you hash out an agreement with your ex? Take it to court?
Want an update!! LOL.

[Inputflangeman]

I am in the very earliest stages of the divorce and we have yet to be in court.  We have had a single meeting together with both of our attorneys present.  My hope, and I think hers too, is that we don't have to use the court, that we can reach a negotiated settlement as quickly as possible.

[Kent]

Jan,

The agreement so far is that he will be with his mother every other weekend from Friday 6:00 pm until Sunday 7:30 pm.
Which weekend that is is still in dispute; I go to school every other weekend, and she insists those are the weekends he should be with me.
Since our son does NOT want that, we'll see what happens... ;)

Kent!

[Kent]

Especially if you have 50/50 time with your children, you will have sufficient opportunity to counter any PAS attempts.
Spend all the quality time with your children that you can, be honest with them, and don't hide the truth from them.
You will be amazed how much they will pick up on, even at their young age.

Kent!

[greatdad]

>>So how did you manage to do it?  I'm new to the forum, so I
>>don't know the whole history and am curious...

While I would like to give you some formula to follow,  but the truth is in my case my STBX left, filed for divorce asking for support,alimony,sole custody, and everything else imaginable. I tried to negotiate with her, but she was firmly convinced that as an "alleged" stay at home mom, she would get all asked for and there was no way I could get custody.
My state  offers free mediation which I jumped at but STBX refused outright instead opting for expensive atty.
At Pendente hearing before Judge it wasn't so much that I won, as she lost. Her testimony was full of holes and my atty was able to expose so many half truths and inconsistencys that in the end, the Judge just flat out did not find her credible or truthful and could see that she was  not going to foster my relationship with the children if she were to have them.
Main thing going for me was that I was 100% truthful and open both in court AND to my atty. I reviewed STBX's interrogatorys and then gave my atty a ton of info to counter them, so he didnt have to guess at a defense and had specific items to go after. Do NOT rely on your atty or anyone else to do your homework for you, no one knows your ex or your situation better than you. Take a highly active role in your own case or you are likely to lose, to your atty your just another case and he gets paid win or lose.If you win, he'll take the credit, but you'll take the children..................very fair trade !
If you do get custody, be very dilegent as your ex will come after you.....bitter and angry...........the battle has just begun.

>
>I have 50:50, so I didn't 'do it'.
>
>50:50 is easy in some states - even the default. In cases
>where it's not standard, you just have to demonstrate that
>it's in the best interest of the child. In our case, that
>involved a custody evaluation.

[Windd]

If there is a right of first refusal in your order she would have them while you are in school, effectively having them every weekend and limiting the time the chlid gets to spend with you.

[mistoffolees]

>If there is a right of first refusal in your order she would
>have them while you are in school, effectively having them
>every weekend and limiting the time the chlid gets to spend
>with you.

That depends.

In my state, 'right of first refusal' typically applies only in overnight situations (unless you specify otherwise). It would not apply during work hours.

Just one more reason to make sure the agreement is explicit on everything you can think of.

[Kent]

Windd,

There is a right of first refusal. However, since she dropped him off at my doorstep and voluntarily gave up her time, she won't have a leg to stand on.
Next to that, the right of first refusal will not prevail over a stepparent.

Kent!

[mistoffolees]

>Windd,
>
>There is a right of first refusal. However, since she dropped
>him off at my doorstep and voluntarily gave up her time, she
>won't have a leg to stand on.
>Next to that, the right of first refusal will not prevail over
>a stepparent.
>

I think I'd be very careful if I were you. Those statements might get you into trouble.

First, stepparents don't generally have any rights wrt to the kids.

Second, in most cases, her willingness to give up some rights under the agreement doesn't void all of her other rights.

If I were you, I'd consult an attorney.

[Kent]

Our son is 12. In case of a dispute, the GA courts let the wishes of the child weigh heavily.
Therefore, I am not worried. I let the status quo establish itself without upsetting anything.

No judge will enforce the right of first refusal for a 12 year old against a stepparent for 8 hours of classes. Especially not against the explicit wishes of the 12 year old child.

For much younger children AND prolonged absence it will be different, but not in this case.

Kent!