What should I do?

[ohu812]

Seems my ex is back to her old tricks again. She insists on showing up for the two hour visits on Thursdays. I knew something was up because she parks on the street (down from my house) and stands at the end of the driveway while her eleven year old comes to the door. She has a drug problem so I figured she was back at it. I just found out it is beacause her car has so much crap in it there is no seat for my daughter to sit in and of course no seat belt. I drove to her apartment to check it out when I was told this and sure enough you would think she lives in it. NASTY!! My question is when Thursday gets here what is the best action to take. I really need to get it on video since we are currently in a court battle where I am seeking supervised visits. She is professing what a good mother she is.

[Kitty C.]

Get law enforcement involved.  Call them immediately after she picks up your DD, and tell them you have reason to believe that she doesn't have proper child restraints or operational seatbelts in her car.  They technically can't stop her until your child is in the car.  But if you're lucky and she's high, hopefully they can also nail her for being under the influence as well.

You might even want to give the cops a heads up and they could be waiting for her once she leaves your place...........

[mistoffolees]

In addition, it's probably worth calling CPS, although this is more effective in some states than in others.

I'd do what you suggest with the police first, and then follow up with a call to CPS.

[ohu812]

I have a court order that my daughter cant have contact with her BM ex boyfriend due to abuse/neglect. I found out that the boyfriend was at the BM house over the weekend with my daughter. The BM showed up at my daughters counseling appt yesterday. She has never showed for one. My daughter told me her BM showed up to keep her from telling the counselor that the boyfriend had been around. I am sick of dealing with it. What do I do? I cant exactly prove it.

[mistoffolees]

If you can't prove it, it didn't happen - as far as the courts are concerned. It's past, it's behind you.

Instead, you should focus on how you're going to prove it next time. Are there neighbors who will testify? Did you find out about it while the BF was still there? If so, I'd call the police while it was occurring. If they won't come, then show up with a friend and a video camera- although this is a much higher risk activity.

[ohu812]

My post probably wasnt that clear. I am the BF and I am not surprised about the BM ex boyfriend being around. I am shocked that the mother showed up at the childs counselors office to intimidate her into not telling. I live in Texas and I have had so much on her but it is almost impossible to prove these things. I hate the torture this is on my daughter. I have been told to go to Oklahoma and they are a lot stricter on NCP and very hard on parents with her history. Anyone live in Oklahoma? She came back positive on another drug test but her lawyer is arguing it was second hand (it was hair follicle and it isnt the first positive) and apparantly judges will buy this crap. I am just tired of dealing with it and it seems we pay the price for her drug problem.

[Kitty C.]

If you suspect that the BM's boyfriend is present while your DD is there, then call the cops and tell them you want a 'welfare check' done on your DD and tell them why.  I think they will be very interested to see who might be at the BM's residence and if he IS there (and with the no-contact order), they can take him into custody and press charges.  Then you will have your proof to modify the custody order.

At ANY time, if you feel that your DD might be in danger or with someone whom you think might harm her, you can call law enforcement and ask for a welfare check.  But be careful how often you use it....too often and the cops will think you're 'crying wolf' and won't believe you anymore.  Then when something REALLY serious is going on, they may not give it the credence it deserves.

[mistoffolees]

>I live in Texas and I have
>had so much on her but it is almost impossible to prove these
>things.

If you can't prove it, then you don't have anything on her - at least as far as the courts are concerned. You need to keep that clear from the start.

>I hate the torture this is on my daughter. I have been
>told to go to Oklahoma and they are a lot stricter on NCP and
>very hard on parents with her history. Anyone live in
>Oklahoma? She came back positive on another drug test but her

I live in OK but can't say whether they're going to be tougher - I would imagine it depends very much on the county you're in. Ask a local attorney for their opinion. Make sure your agreement allows it.

>lawyer is arguing it was second hand (it was hair follicle and
>it isnt the first positive) and apparantly judges will buy
>this crap. I am just tired of dealing with it and it seems we
>pay the price for her drug problem.

What did you ask the judge for? Seems that multiple positive drug tests would be sufficient to at least request supervised visitation, but you're right that some judges are better than others.

I think it all comes back to my first comment. If you can prove that she's allowing the child to be in the presence of someone in violation of a RO, it might carry some weight. The more you can prove, the more likely you'll get what you want. but I would suggest asking for supervised visitation rather than trying to deny her visitation. It's easier and also puts you in a better light.

[ohu812]

After her stunt with the counselor. My wife set up a meeting with me,my wife, and BM. BM did admit during this session that she has had ex around my daughter (of course she has a reason for it). BM was a basket case she couldnt quit crying and kept saying I cant handle this. I cant make it with all this child support and everyone after me.Counselor basically told her she suspects she isnt off drugs and offerred her free help. BM turned it down stating "those classes just make you think about drugs". She was also offered parenting classes and counseling but said she was too busy. The counselor did say if I deny visits due to ex being around she would testify to her knowledge of it and told BM if it were her child she would not have child again after allowing ex around. I talked to my attorney and his response was I can file contempts now but everyone seems to think she is back on the drugs and obviously spiraling out of control so we could wait. He said we will always have the contempt. BM has been doing hair follicle drug testing but it isnt court ordered. CPS makes her do them when they open cases on her. My attorney said whats the point of getting drug tests ordered we all know she is on them and I would have to pay for her drug test if I request it.