Looking for some advice from my old pals...

[Childrenfirst]

Hi Jaylind!

Long time no talk but having shared your story and friendship for almost 4 years, I think you know what the old grandma is going to tell you.

There is hardly any other mother who wanted to do everything possible to keep her children's father in their life than you. You continued to stay with him as he used and drank so your children would have a father and you knew he did love them and vice versa. You tried over and over to believe that THIS time he would successfully get sober and work the program and were disappointed over and over.

There is nothing in the world that could jeopardize your custody of your kids and you know that. The legal thing to do and in the best interests and safety of your children is to follow the court orders not your soft heart! He is to have superivised visitation at the designated spot and if he can not make it or find a place to meet that will allow him, then he must suffer the consequences of his choices in life. He has not reached rock bottom yet jay and you know it.

You can not protect the kids if he says he will see them and not show up. Been there, done that....just tell them that daddy is sick and when he gets well he will try to be with them more often. If he has court ordered phone calls, then at this point you probably can not refuse to let him talk but under no circumstances should you not follow the court orders to the T. You have enabled him long enough and his disease is still taking control over all other aspects of his life. Hopefully he will realize some day what he is losing and shape up.

Until then jay, you have worked hard to be a good mom and provide a home for your kids without any help from him. Now take care of you and the kids...Hugs to my Birdddeeee girl and Noah!

I will keep you in my prayers. I miss you much and am living one day at a time here but surviving!

[hagatha]

Jay,

You have already been given the best advice from the greatest people. The only thing I would add is to make him accountable for his actions.  And the reason is your kids are learning how to be adults more by your actions then by his. You have to show them by example what is and isn't acceptable behavior.  While at the same time (in time) having them understand the addictions their Daddy has. Explaining the behavior pattern is Not the same as excusing it.  

You know all this already, but sometimes hearing it again puts everything back in focus. And we are always here when you need us....

The Witch

Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!

[jaylind]

Thanks everyone.  :)

I'm going to just wait and see what his actions are.  Already yesterday I got a nutty letter from him saying when he gets outta jail he wants to move to my town so he can be close to the kids and *I* can help him.  LOL!  NOT!!!

Anyway.  If he calls, I'll just tell him to call the supervised visitation center near me and see if he can set something up.  If that falls through, too bad.  This is what I had wanted to do, I just needed to hear from some old friends that it was OK to do.  

There is nothing covering phonecalls in the court order.  What I quoted in my OP is what's in there.  I think that for now, phonecalls are off.  I'm not sure what else to do about that.  Already it's been a couple weeks since he's talked to the kids.  Noah doesn't want to talk to him on the phone usually anyway and Bird has stopped asking because I always tell her I can't get hold of him because his cell phone's not working (that is true, BTW).

*sigh* What a pain in the ass this has become.

KND, I'm emailing you right away.  If anyone else wants to email me, the costumesplash at hotmail dot com address still works.

jaylind

[Peanutsdad]

Look at it this way jaylind,,

At least the kids have one parent without their addictive head up their collective butt.

From you, they will learn how to be responsible adults ;)