It's a long, hard road (intro)

[snowrose]

Hi, I'm Teri.  I've been reading the board off and on for a few months trying to get info to help my DH win custody of his 7 year old daughter.

It's been a rough road.  We first noticed that DD needed to be away from BM about a year ago, about 4 months after DH's divorce finalized.  BM first had a constant round of guys going to meet her at her apartment, then she had a guy move in with her after only knowing him 2 weeks.  At that same time she started getting eviction notices from the apt complex.

A few months later we hear she attempted suicide, but by the time we hear this things have quieted down again and she and her live-in BF are looking at getting a rent-to-own duplex.  Only thing is that the rent is $100 more per month than for the place they'd been getting eviction notices for,plus utilities.

So BM and BF move with DD7 into the duplex.  Six months later they're evicted, but get back in after borrowing money - a full month's check - from a Welfare mother!  (They never pay it back.)  They start receiving eviction notices on a monthly, and sometimes weekly, basis as they pay back rent and then don't pay the full rent.

BM and her BF decide they're going to move from the country into the big city.  DH and I have already decided we're going to go for custody at this point and this works for us as we work in that big city and it would cut our commute time.  After months of saying 'gonna move tomorrow or next week,' BM and her BF finally move with DD.  By that time we've already found a place we want to move to and we follow 2 months later.  

A month after our move we tell BM that we want custody of DD7.  She says she wants to think about it but next time she brings DD over she hands DH custody papers that she's filed and says she has a court date.  Well, DH has already talked to an attorney so it doesn't matter who filed.

BM and her BF are extremely unstable.  In 1.5 years time they move DD7 to 6 houses and 5 schools, and the poor kid is only in 2nd grade!  They also go through 5 different pets, which last from 3 weeks to 3 months and then "runaway".

When DD starts telling us that the BF has threatened to rip the head off her 'security blanket' teddy bear and that BM has gotten her up several times in the middle of the night to pack bags and walk to the police station - walking because the BF threatens to slash the tires of BM's van - we ask the court to have a Child Advocate added to the case.  This is done, the advocate does all the research and prepares a report.  DD, who originally said she wanted to only live with us, after a comment by the advocate, DD then starts asking for 50/50 custody.

The advocate does a disclosure meeting which validates everything DD7 has told us.  The advocate says 50/50 custody BUT BM and the BF MUST take counseling together.

A few days later the BF flips out over the report and the counseling, and BM shows up on our doorstep at 2AM with DD7.  She tells us that the BF has been hitting DD in the head and poking her in the eye, he's threatened to burn her teddy bear and even threatened to kill DD's current puppy before her eyes!  We put DD to bed and call the police.  BM confirms that this has actually been going on for a month and a half and she never told anyone, including the Child Advocate!! BM goes to a shelter the next day and DD stays with us.  Two days later BM goes back to the BF!!

Children's Aid is called in.  After some investigation (and BM leaving the BF a second time and then going back to him yet again!) they confirm that everything is true.  (Maybe the BF admitted to everything?)  They say that the BF can only have supervised visitation, that the supervisor and the time and the place must be agreed upon by BOTH my DH and BM - and that BM CANNOT be the supervisor, thank goodness!!

So, in a nutshell, that's where we are as of today.  DD has been with us for two weeks now; it's been two weeks since BM brought her here.  DD is very happy here, though she is concerned once in a while that she won't be allowed to ever see BM again.  Once she's told she can see BM anytime she wants she's happy - and doesn't even ask to see or call BM.

We're hoping that with all this going on we'll be able to get the judge to okay our having primary custody of DD.  There's no current custody order by the courts, just a domestic agreement between DH and BM.

It's been a really long, hard road so far but I'm hoping that because of all that in the end everything will turn out the very best for DD, DH and I.

Teri