Recently divorcing--need help with wrong visitation set up

[jayteller80]

I am recently in litigation with wife and we ave 8 week old daughter who is breastfeedibng. the set up was not so bad as I was taking my daughter to my parents house for visits and now a law guardian has ordered the court to only allow me to see our daughter at marital residence where I feel uncomfortable. my wife is ordered to leave the house during this time but I question why we regressed.
I am looking for evidence that supports importance of infants beginning transition from home to home early on that states it is better for their adjustment and own physical and mental health.
' I will take any help or other online recommendation of resource and articles that favor fathers.
thank you

[Davy]

I really can't offer you anything concerning a baby not being in familiar surroundings(ie maritlal home) other than there are many newborns that change environments frequently without any cause of alarm.  There are many good mommy types that post here frequently with sound advice and encouragement.

What was the justification or reason given for the change ?  Is it just a power play ?

[slickvirk]

Prove your involvement with your child to the court. If you have to spend time at the the place you abhor, do it. You are doing it for for your child.

Take pride in your power. The baby knows smell and touch with a little sound. Try to spend as much times with your child, even if it is in uncomfortable surroundings. Ignore every thing and focus on your child, you will find the prettiest oasis in your child's eyes.

As far as breast feeding is concerned, she can always pump it and bottle it for you.

DONT GET ANGRY AND THROW A TANTRUM, please.

[jayteller80]

thanks for the advice. I am making the best  of it but I feel beat down daily because I am not one to get angry and show it. I am very controlled thus far because I feel my end goal, shared custody and time, ar the principle needs for my daughter and I just focus on that

[wendl]

personally I think it is a crock of s**t.  I was single when my son was born, 1/2 the time I was at a friends the other 1/2 I was at my apartment of my sister. When I wanted to go out, I pumped and stored milk so my sitter (friend) could feed him.

Unfortunately the courts usually side with the guardian ad litem  This is sad thing to say, but unfortunately you need to play the game and do as the guardian and judge say.  At least you get this time to bond with your child, many dads don't get that chance.

Focus on the baby, take infant cpr classes, parenting classes to show the courts you are doing whatever you can for your child.

Best wishes.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[babyfat]

I am a mom who has breast fed 5 kids. I did not spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week in my home. I took my child to visit friends and family for several hours at a time from early on. I also took them food shopping and to malls. So I just don't understand what this GAL's point is did she say it was to keep the child in a familliar env.? It can't be the breast feeding issue if the milk source has to leave the home during the visits.
This is really what you need to do-- first go out to Target or Walmart buy a Medella PIS pump cost somewhere about $140 well worth it if mom is intending to breast feed for any amount of time. Then learn all you can about breast feeding (kellymom.com great place to start) learn how to store defrost and heat the milk (very different from formula) this will show you are supportive of breastfeeding and intend to remain so. This bs with where you can see the kid needs to stop. Maybe set the GAL up with an appt to see you at where ever you will be visiting with the infant and show her you have a place for the child to sleep have bottles diapers etc. maybe she is just conserned with the fact that all the baby stuff is at one location and the baby will be at another? Who knows cause I never heard something that stupid before.
You and your ex really need to learn how to co parent an infant as well. What ever your problems are they are your problems not this childs. The better you tolerate eachother the better off this baby will be. Both now and in the long run.
I would suggest you look at father's rights websites some info can be found relating breast feeding and shared custody. You may even want to google "shared custody of breastfeeding infant" and see what hits you get. That would be where I start. Mostly in courts breastfeeding really isn't taken into consideration tooo much. They also usually tend to do a gradual visition increase as the child gets older. Still trying at least to work out visitation with your ex is better than dealing with GAL's and court.

[gemini3]

The guardian didn't give any reason for the change?  

There are several articles in the SPARC article index that address this issue:

http://www.deltabravo.net/cgi-bin/search.cgi?Terms=breastfeeding&Realm=All

If that link doesn't work, just search articles for breastfeeding.  While she's not using that specific arguement now, it gives a lot of other relevant information.

Continue to spend time with your daughter.  You may be uncomfortable, but the court isn't going to give a crap about that.  The more you talk about how all this is affecting you the more they think that you're concerned with yourself and not the child.  Keep it relevant to what's best for the child, and try to make sure that this is a temporary arrangement, since this obvioulsy wouldn't be workable long term.

[jayteller80]

thanks all. you've been quite helpful