Single dad looking for advice

[jzurinsky]

I was wondering if anyone knows where I can get some research on fathers and parenting time regarding overnights and how it is in the best interest of the child to spend nights with dad as well as mom? I have court in a couple of weeks and I would like to get some info on this. The judge says the child has to be with mom only at night till he is at least 6 months. I believe the child needs the father as well. Any suggestions?

[Giggles]

You may need to go to the library and look these up.  Most of these are articles in MEDICAL journals:

http://www.childrenfirstforhealth.co.uk/families/az_child_health/r/role_fathers.html

http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/lm/stories/s1099987.htm

http://www.eric.ed.gov/ERICWebPortal/custom/portlets/recordDetails/detailmini.jsp?_nfpb=true&_&ERICExtSearch_SearchValue_0=EJ431013&ERICExtSearch_SearchType_0=no&accno=EJ431013

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6W4K-4602P0J-20&_user=10&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=8c066903ebf86105004e587df249e54d

http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G1-119510146.html

http://www.jstor.org/view/01976664/ap020025/02a00090/0

http://books.google.com/books?id=zTNICUlFwecC&pg=PA9&lpg=PA9&dq=%22father+infant%22+interaction&source=web&ots=iQSwWeJpkt&sig=0kcaRW6ByTi_fpvS2rxGKfzL83U&hl=en#PPA10,M1

http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1365-2214.1977.tb00023.x?journalCode=cch

[Fran]

>You're entitled to your opinion, of course.  I just think it's
>wrong, and that you are giving this guy advice that could land
>him in jail.

He could land in jail if his ex makes one allegation of domestic violence or child abuse.  

>Staying overnight with someone doesn't do anything to prove
>that people can or can't get along.  

I disagree.  Often a mother's main argument against joint custody is that the father is abusive and/or so upsetting to be around that joint custody is impossible or impractical.  If the mother invites him into her house and there are no incidents, he's building a track record that will help with joint custody.

>He also couldn't sue his lawyer for malpractice if he stayed
>the night with his girlfriend, something bad happened, and his
>lawyer hadn't advised him against it.  This is not opinion,
>it's fact.  

I'm not sure where you're from, but it is NOT a fact that you cannot sue a lawyer for malpractice anywhere that I know of.  Maybe you might lose, but nothing prevents a person from bringing the case against the lawyer.

>So, I think his attorney might actually be trying
>to protect his client instead of himseldf, as you are
>suggesting.

I have never met an attorney who didn't value protecting himself more than he valued protecting his client.  Now that's a fact.

Attorneys will always frame every bit of advice so that it appears the advice is in the best interest of the client.  EVERY bit of advice is always in the best interest of the attorney.

And yes, if the attorney advised him to stay at the ex's house, and the ex got him thrown in jail, then the attorney would have to answer as to why he advised the overnight instead of telling him to stay away.

[gemini3]

You can't do anything about the threat of allegations until they happen.  Telling this guy that he ought to spend the night with his ex because she might falsely accuse him of something is the same tactic used by those who manipulate men with threats of false allegations.  I do not think that he should succumb to those threats.  There is also more fertile territory for those types of allegations to arise if he is spending the night with his ex, and not simply exercising his visitation rights.

Building a track record of incident free visitation transfers is one indicator that there is little parental conflict.  Spending the night is an indicator that these people haven't figured out if they want to be separate (ie: and need the legal paperwork), or together - in which case they would not.  

Legal malpractice is when an attorney acts negligently in his advice or representation.  No attorney can account for the myriad of situations his or her client might find themselves in through their own free will, nor can they protect them from every possible situations.  That's why the "Good Faith" rule applies to legal malpractice.  As long as the attorney is acting in good faith (which appears to be the case here), there is no grounds for legal malpractice.

Yes, he could go through the act of filing for legal malpractice.  You "can" (theoretically) file a suit for anything.  However, I seriously doubt such a suit would ever make in front of a judge.  So, if he wanted to waste his time and money with frivolous lawsuits, then that would be a great way to do it.  However, it seems to me that he has enough on his plate without running around suing his attorney for frailing to adivise him not to spend the night with someone who he is currently suing for custody or visitation rights.  Common sense ought to tell you that, not your attorney.

[jzurinsky]

I need some more advice. I am going to Friend of the Court next week and I am not sure what to expect. My attorney says its no big deal but I really don't know how to prepare myself. These people are going to recommend what they feel is in the best interest of my son. They sent me a questionnaire to fill out and one question in particular scares me.

I am not sure that I had mentioned but I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder about 5 years ago. Been under meds and therapy since. In August of 2006 I had gotten into an arguement with my X (not the same)and I had put on her motorcycle helmet without her permission and she pressed charges for DV. I went to court and was placed on probation but it was left under advisement, which means it will be erased from my record after a year(actually charge: spousal abuse). Ten months ago I was in a severe motorcycle accident and had caused my bi-polar aggression to worsen. After my X (mother of my son) moved out I had gotten into an altercation with my parents and the police were called and I pled to disorderly conduct and no probation just have to report back to the judge in 4 months. I have since switched therapists and come to find out my medication was wrong and now with the new medication and therapy I am doing well.  

So on this questionnaire it asks if I had ever been arrested or placed on probation. I have as mentioned above but how does this affect shared legal and physical custody of my son. I have a letter from my therapist who I have been seeing since last October and she thinks I pose no harm to anyone especially our son. But I am not sure how the court will look at this.  Can anyone give me some advice on this one. Help!

[jzurinsky]

So I have a meeting with FOC next week and the form they gave me to fill out asks if I have ever been arrested. Well the truth of the matter is yes. I was arrested in 2006 for Spousal Abuse where I put a motorcycle helmet on a girls head when she told me not to. (during an argument) and then in 2007 I was arrested for Disorderly Conduct. I am currently on probation til 06/08 for the first offense and  nothing for the second. I was diagnosed with Bi Polar Disorder 5 years ago and found out I was on the wrong medication. Now I am with a different doctor/therapist and on different meds and alll is great. My question now is how is this going to play out with the recommendations from the FOC? Does anyone think I will not get shared custody because of this? I am going to shared physical and legal custody. Can anyone advice me on this?

[jzurinsky]

Up til now my X and I have not been able to come to some agreement for custody/parenting time etc. So now we go in front of FOC (friend of the court) and they will have to decide. Once concern I have is that I do have two convictions on my record. One for Spousal Abuse (x g/f) and another disorderly conduct. I am currently on probation for the first and just have to reappear in front of the judge in 4 months for the second. See, I am bi polar and was diagnosed about 5 years ago. During the last 2 years I have had to change doctors 4 times (because of insurance or lack of) the most recent being the one that has helped a great deal. I was in a motorcycle accident and the bi polar got worse. Anyway, now that I am with another doctor and in therapy things are going great. Since I filed for custody/parenting time/support I have been on this rollercoaster ride with my X. She wants me back, she wants to move back in my home even though she has told the courts (through response papers) that I am irrational and my home is dangerous. We have been getting along great (most of the time) when I pick up and drop off our son for parenting time (temporary). And she has come over on a few occassions outside of my scheduled parenting time. I am not sure if this will be to her benefit, mine or both? And if she feels threatened or doesn't feel our son is safe with me then why do this? Any help

[tigger]

Most people glance at the main topic and don't realize that you've posted updates.  

Personal opinion but the worst thing you can do is lie on the questionnaire.  Be honest and include explanations.  Telling lies in hopes that it won't be discovered will just be worst than the truth.