Parenting time

[jzurinsky]

Right now we are under a temp order for parenting time. Our son is 4.5 months old. I have time with my him Saturday and Sunday 4 hrs each day and Monday and Wednesday unspecified time (but I take him when his mother is at work) every week. Now his mother has contacted me and asked if I could change Saturday April 26th to any other day because she is going out of town for a family shower and wants to take him with her. The judge did ask us to be courteous when it comes to the weekend and family functions but I really don't think a shower is where a 4 month old should be. So I wouldn't see him at all that day. And she also has been asking me to keep changing our regular scheduled (non-court ordered) weekend times so she can do other things. We don't go back to court until May 26th. I am not sure what to do. I have been bending over backwards for her and I am getting tired of all it. I love my son and I am trying to make it as easy as possible. I pick him up and drop him off. (she doesn't think she has to go out of her way) I keep him longer (which is not a problem) when she asks me to and I have even brought him back early because she wants to take him where ever she has to go for the evening. I would appreciate some advice on this one PLEASE!

[clevergirl17]

Personally, I would let her take your son to the shower. It's a good mark to have on your record of cooperation. Just don't agree to it unless you can confirm with her IN WRITING (e-mail is fine) that you get make-up time on another day. It's unreasonable for her to expect that you would give up your time without the promise of make-up time and if she doesn't agree, then stick to the court ordered schedule.

Since you're going back to court at the end of May, you need to make sure that you can establish that you have had a consistent loving relationship with your son. Write up a parenting plan (there are some great resources on this website) and make sure to include transportation stipulations if you don't want to get stuck doing the driving both ways. Good luck!

[jzurinsky]

Thanks for the response. We had already been to a friend of the court meeting. In michigan they try to stick with the standard EOW and 1-2 nights a week. The FOC has recommended less then this to start then gradually work my way up to it. I know he is young but I have been in his life since he was born. I am going try for more than standard but will be thankful for what I can get.

I do feel that I am cooperating more with her than she is with me but it is my son and I want to make sure he is being taken care of. And I will tell her to email me the confirmation of make up time. Everything thus far is through texts but I think I would like her to email me from now on because I am hearing that texts are not valid in court.

[Crockpot]

We've had several instances where BM wants to switch days.  We've found the best thing is to have make up time before the day you'll miss.  That way you ensure you get it.

[rbps]

Ask for makeup time on Friday or an extra 4 on Sunday, but get it in writing.

[gamma]

Is your time every weekend now or EOW? It is hard to do every weekend cause things come up and one person is always missing something, and the child is missing out on these things to. It's a family shower, perfectly acceptable to the courts to take a child to.

I am assuming this is an every weekend schedule, cause they tend to do that with the lil ones, short, frequent visits is there thing. Since mom is asking for changes a lot on the weekends, consider doing something a bit different. Grandson started visitation at 2 months, courts schedule was every Sat and Sun for these 4 hours, just like you have. Both parents after doing it for a couple months hated it, so they changed it. They did one weekend Sat and the next Sun, instead of doing 4 hours they did 8 hours. You can also instead of doing both days, grab some extra weekday time. That way it freed up both parents so they could attend some functions with the child themselves.

If this is EOW schedule, then work with mom here and there, make yourself look like your working and cooperating with her for the child. However you don't and your not expected by FOC or the courts to do it all the time.

[jzurinsky]

It is every weekend. I think the judge was looking at frequency and not length of time. But I do take him for 7 hrs a day 2 days a week while his mother is at work. It also is very difficult for our son. It seems as though I just get him out of the carseat and comfortable and its time to take him back.  And now the FOC is recommending every weekend on Saturday nights to start over nights for 2 months and just during the day 2 days a week. I know it is good to have more frequent visits especially for him being so little and to not keep him away from his mother for long periods but I would think that the more frequent over nights (just not in a row) would help him adjust being with me and away from his mother. Its just so confusing.

[wendl]

My son started EOW when he was 5 months old he would leave at 5pm Friday and return at 5pm SUnday.

No matter how old they are and really as they get older their will be adjustment times (not wanting to leave, crying or just be horrible when they return as each house is different.)

Document the extra time you have with your child for future.  Also if you haven't already take an infant cpr class and give a copy to the courts showing that you are taking a responsible part to make sure your doing everything you can for the safety of your child.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[gamma]

A good point was made, no matter how old there will be adjustment times. Grandson has been doing this from day one, he is 4 now. Just when you think he has the hang of it, he is going through some new thing with it. Really thought that since he started from the get go, once he got adjusted it would be smooth sailing, but that has not happened. As long as your watching and trying with it though, those adjustment periods can be less difficult.

I also agree with taking the infant Cpr class, even a parenting class. It looks good for you, your being an involved parent by taking these steps yourself. I also highly recommend taking a co-parenting class and reading some books out there. Mom's house, Dad's house:Making 2 Homes was very helpful to daughter.

Keep in mind all kids are different, what schedule works with one, does not work with another. Grandson does not do well with long periods away from either parent, nor does he do well with switching to frequent. He seems to do best with a couple days bunched together. He basically has shown how he would like it to go. Now the key is that both parents catch on to what the kid does best with and work with the other parent.

[jzurinsky]

I am already CPR certified through my employer and I have taken 1 parenting class and am scheduled to take another one (6 - 12 months) in a week. I have been pro active since I had found out she was pregnant. All I want is the best for my son. Thanks