Haven't seen son in 4 years

[kyanne]

Ok, I'll make it short and sweet.

Me and my ex-girlfriend seperated 4 years ago, due to me getting into a new relationship and leaving her. She was rather childish about the whole thing, calling friends and family members to bash me, destroying my house by writing on walls and leaving food to rot in the vents, etc., then she within just a few months up and moved from Missouri to Colorado, with my son, who was 3 at the time. We were not aware that she had moved till some time later. I tried to contact her before she moved, but she wouldn't return my calls, wouldn't let me know where she was living,  then she just left.

After she had lived in Colorado for approx. 9 mos, establishing residence, she petitioned for CS. I  have no problems paying CS, I know it is my responsibility. But don't I at least have a right to know where my son is? When the petition for CS came in, I did ask for a paternity test, just to be sure, and the courts advised that she would have custody, and I would be eligible for visitation. The also noted that if either parent moves, they must notify the other within 6 months. I have never heard ANYTHING from her since the day we separated. On top of that, I have to keep insurance on my son, which adds up to about $300/month, which I have no problem with, except they are taking out the money, but it doesn't actually COVER him, because we have no address for him. I know we could get an attorney and take her to court (if we had her address, anyway) but due to the added child support and insurance, I'm bringing home approx $700/month less than I had been. I can't, as many fathers, afford an attorney at this time.

I do get occasional messages, calls from members of her family, who think I should have custody of my son, and the last I heard of her, she was being evicted from her apartment, and was planning on going to a homeless shelter (with my son!). I contacted CPS in Colorado, who was able to check on him (because she hadn't been evicted YET) and found no reason for them to step in, IE she wasn't beating him.  

Background on me, 40 years old, work for local Emergency Communications, upstanding citizen, have a 10 year old daughter with my 1st wife who I see weekly and pay support on, and want to be a dad to my son, but can't afford to do what it takes. Does anyone have any advice?

[Ref]

It is a terrible financial burden, but you have to get a lawyer. Your chances at custody are slim if there is no proof that she hasn't done anything that will harm your child, I mean REALLY OVERTLY harm him. Unfortunately the courts typically don't count her lack of responsibility and will not take the child away just because she isn't doing the best for him.

The lawyer should be able to help you to take care of getting appropriate visitation though. The more time he would spend with you the more he will learn that there are other ways to deal with things than the way his mom deal with it. If you don't step-in her way of living is the only thing he will know.

I know you can't afford it. I will tell you after going through it with DH and seeing it over and over on this board, it is an investment in HIS future. Probably the best gift in the world to your son is having a dad, and you do have to pay to get him that gift. You have to FIND the money. With lawyers, you also should get someone who is a family law attorney in the area they live in, (or the CS goes to). Don't be cheap or you might as well do it all yourself. Get a good lawyer. If you can, a father's rights lawyer. Beg borrow and steal... ok don't steal.

If it is absolutely impossible for you to afford to get a lawyer, even after looking into all your options, you can go pro-se.  This can work, but I have seen more people damage their own cases by going pro-se than not.

DH got a cheap lawyer because he wasn't making any $ and BM took everything and charged all the credit cards, in his name, up. He paid more in CS than he should have and say his daughter WAY less than he should have for years. If he had just hit the courtroom with a real attorney, even after all the fees, he would have made out in the long run.

Anyway, good luck. I hope you have a great reunion with your boy.

Ref

[Davy]

All the issues you have posted are criminal not civil.  Review the
Criminal Custodial Interference statues documented the articles section (bottom of this page) on this site.  Those statues were developed by the Federal Office of Juvenile Justice with a substantial effort by the American Bar Assoc. along with the blood and tears of many children.  These statues should not be treated lightly.  Your son would be considered "missing and exploited".  

You've already mentioned your required insurance premiums.  The STATE will simply bank roll your support payments if the check is returned "not at this address".  Don't be surprised if someone unknown is actually cashing the checks.  Check with the Missing and Exploited Children org and follow their consult but at very least START by filing a missing person with your local county sherrif and/or State's Attorney ..only provide name/address info. for those that MAY know her whereabouts because you simply DO NOT KNOW nor to you know about the well being of your child.

By the way, if there is any way you can stop/suspend insurance or child support payments you should do so then stock pile the funds your self in hopes your son will someday benefit.  In situations with these characteristics it is highly likely your son is being neglected/abused/etc.
CPS normally protects the mother.

In other words, the systems (ie LE, etc ) are in place to help resolve these issues ... you SHOULD NOT pay into a broken gee whiz golly mother friendly system that is abusing your child.  

[Davy]

OK... bump

[kyanne]

Thank you soooo much for your response, it's something I will definitely be checking into. I will let you know what I found out!!