Allowed back in Home?

[MichaelTNVA]

Hi, my first post and looking for advice!

First, wife and I are going into Separation in Virginia, w/one 8 y/o girl whom I've (Primary Caregiver, both emotionly & physically) raised from her first daiper, thru potty-training, taking care of her when sick, dropping off & picking up after school, involved in her schooling (now 3rd grade) and been there for her 24/7-365 days-8years until very recently, while wife has led a 'single-life style' (partying, spending, etc.) since our wedding!
 I was threathen/imtimated by her & father-in-law in a very upsetting agruement 1 1/2 weeks ago, where I called the Police for both my family's safety, also as witnesses on my part (NO family or friends in VA of my own, TOTALLY devoted to my family!), but mainly to stop the wife & father from taking our daughter from her home!  I was given no say-so but to let our daughter go by the four of them.
  After emailing her at her folks home later that night, a message left on wife's cell the next day, I recieved no reply from anyone.  The next day I packed my work tools, some clothes & some vaulables and went to TN to look for work in my field (after being stay-home-dad for 8 yrs) and so our daughter WOULD NOT be witness to that kind of sitution again.
 And because she had/controled all money-wise items in our marriage, and feared of being forced out w/nothing to my name what-so-ever, and told to leave by her when trying to talk things out beforehand.

Q's; Do I have the right back into our home (both names on lease) without being forced out by police OR her (no abuse on my side, but a one time abuse from her)
and Mostly, back into our daughter's life (which the wife is now wanting Sole custody, but we have to be Separated for a year in VA before Divorce papers can be filed)?

Q: Is it wise for us to try to talk/work thru the Separation/Divorce ourselves or thru a Mediator w/out going thru the lawyer/legal stystem (I have no income or saving at all, all is in her name, it was my way of showing TOTAL Comittment to our marriage!)?
 
Greatly Appreciate ANY advice or leads for HELP!!!
M