Daughter has moved with children please advise

[Gram Cracker]

My daughter is the mother of twin boys, she was never married to their father.  There is an order of child support and visitation to the father.  He dutifully pays the child support and as a young man  (AND HE IS YOUNG 23 yrs) he does a pretty good job of visiting and being a part of their lives. (they adore him.)

A bit of history:  The young man has five children including my 2 grandsons.  He was busy in 1999.  My daughters twins arrived in January 2000, his ex-girlfriend delivered a little girl in February 2000, and in September 2000 another young lady also had twins.  This young man dutifully pays $1500. child support monthly.

My daughter decided to break all relationship ties as his girlfriend after she heard about the birth of the new babies in September 2000.  Yet she did not deny him a relationship with the boys.  They had many fall outs regarding him picking up the kids on times or even missing visitations, but if I am to be honest, I have to say that they love their Dad and he really loves them.  I feel trying to juggle visitation between 5 kids that are all 3 years of age, could be a major contribution to some missed visits.

My daughter informed him with one months notice that she would be moving to Atlanta.  (She is planning to be married.)  The court order did give her sole custody of the twins, and she is adamant that it gives her persmission to move the children out of the State. (We are in California)

The father has called me to complain that she has left him with only a cell number (which at this time is off) and no physical address.  He is devastated and feels that this is illegal, and that he is entitled to this information.  

I think he has if nothing else a moral point, but does she have the right to withold this information.  Atlanta is a long way from L.A.

He was content to call the boys daily on her cell number but now he has nothing, and is offended by having only a PO Box as a conatct reference.

He is threatening now to fight for custody, must she comply, and if she does not, can he gain physical custody from her.

I have tried to reason with her so that an amicable solutioncan be reached for the sake of my Grandchildren.

I'd really appreciate any help with this.

Thank you and God Bless,
Gram Cracker

[lah101]

That is a real shame that she has done this to the father.  And not only that--she has done a terrible injustice to those kids.  The father needs to file contempt charges on this woman.  And I feel like you will warn your daughter, I am still going to tell you my  opinion.  This dad that has done nothing but fullfilled his obligation now has to spend more money to try to fight this woman  for his rights.  What a horrible injustice.  I am sure she was suppose to give a physical address for the kids and also a valid home phone number.  But the sad thing is--with sole custody--the only thing that might happen to her is a slap on the wrist.  Sad--but true.  I am just so livid how some of these women think that they have all the control over their children and can just move away.  This young man needs to file contempt on her and also have her come explain to the judge how this is in the best interest of the children to move them away from the father.  Not to say the least about taking the kids away from you, the grandmother.  All I can say is "What a selfish selfish person."  Good luck to this young man--I wish you could have him visit our site as I am afraid that this info might not ever make it to him.  I wish all the luck in the world to him as he has now probably lost his time with  his kids.
L

[Gram Cracker]

Greeting lah101,

First, I would like to say that I am insulted by your assumptions of me, and how I will use any information that I glean from this site. YOU DON'T KNOW ME!

You said: "And I feel like you will warn your daughter
I wish you could have him visit our site as I am afraid that
this info might not ever make it to him."

Did you even read MY post. I had nothing negative to say of my grandsons' father in his capacity as a father, I think I pretty much praised him, so what's your deal?  This is not about what's best for me, my daughter or the father of the twins... I am asking if she has a legal right to treat him this way and what can be done...   I think I said if it is not legally wrong it is surely morally wrong. I said it was for the sake of my grandsons.

This is my daughter and I love her true enough, but I will be the last one to stand by and watch her deny them a relationship with their father.  Her own father took her from me (on the guise of going to visit his mother) I never found her until she was 16.

I did not write asking how she could keep them from him? Obviously I wrote on his behalf.

I would appreciate it if anyone who has any REAL knowledge as to my grandsons' father's  rights will please respond without speculating about me, or my life and without reading silly biased innuendo into my query.

It would be much appreciated:)

Thank you and God Bless you,
Gram Cracker

[MKx2]

Gram,

I am greatly saddened by your situation, as Lah is ... please read the rest of her post again as it is VERY sympathetic toward both you and the father.  She did advise the father MUST file contempt charges for what she has done.

A small aside ... we get many individuals who post questions on this board to glean information about what their ex or soon-to-be-ex might do in terms of custody or visitation.  Your situation is similar in many ways to the way some will post.  Please, do not take offense.  If you continue to read these boards you will not only gain insightful information, but you will also find the foregoing to be true.

Each and every one of the "regular" posters of this site advocates children first - in essence, all children have a right to be parented equally by both parents.

Please post the state you are in - I'm sorry but I don't recall if they are separated/divorced/or if she just up and left, but I'm sure there are many here who can give you good information, including Lah.

Be well and go safely

[lah101]

Thank you MK,
I am very saddened by Gram's situation.  I hate when one parent thinks they should have all the control over the kids lives.  Gram--I am sorry if you took offense, but like MK said---and we hear it a lot---there are some that do come here to just see how they can screw over the ex more.  If only they could both realize this is not about them--but about the kids.  But really--I would love for you to give the father our site address as it is very imformative on what he can and cannot do.  Again--I am sorry if you took what I said wrong--and maybe I came off that way--but if you truley want to help this young man--then please just tell him to come here and I will personally point him to all the info I can.  I also find it admirable that you would want to help him--and I guess if I knew the whole story--I guess I might realize why you would go against your daughter to try and help him.  Again--sorry if you took it the wrong way.
L



[em][font color=660066]"Talk is cheap. But if it keeps your stomach full and your grave empty, it's worth more than gold!"[/em]

[wendl]

usually once a parent has lived in another state for 6 months that state will then have jurisdiction.

Your daughter should've petitioned the courts for a modification of the parenting plan for long distance etc.

What this young man should do is file papers for modification of the parenting plan, (and remember this will be in the order for a long time so you need to think ahead like when the twins start school) he needs to request joint legal custody, he needs to request that either since she moved from home state that your daughter pay the cost of transportation or that he gets a credit (reduction) in cs due to long distance travel.

We all feel here that BOTH parents are important for the kids.

Hope this helps a little.

[Gram Cracker]

Well,

I have in fact spoken with the children's father and he has all of the information that I was given and I urged him to join the SPARC site at deltabravo.  He has promised to sign on and I really hope that he will.

My oldest son is divorced and his wife is Canadian, and she moved back to Calgary with their son 4 years ago. (they were pretty amicable about her move, but they have joint custody)  My grandson is here for Spring Break, all summer. (including his and his father's b'days), he arrives for Thanksgiving and the entire Christmas Break.  

I talked to my son because he is very close to his sister and I thought she might see what she is doing better from her big brother's perspective.  But he received the same adamantly stubborn reception that I got.

So hopefully the dad will come to this resource, I have nothing else I can do.

Those of you who will pray from us please.  And I really SINCERELY appreciate all of the good advice that I received in chat the other night when I felt like I had no avenues to help this youngman, the father of my grandchildren.  Thank you all so very much!

Gram

PS even though my husband thinks our daughter (his step-daughter) is behaving in a horrific manner, he does not agree that I should assist the childrens dad.  Yet right is right!

[wendl]

Good for you--you are thinking about your grandchild head up to you!!!
If you need anything come back and post or in chat, we would love to have you .

[FatherTime]

I'm familiar with California move-away laws.  There was a recent ruling allowing the custodial parent to move....when the court knew of it.  It must be done properly...through the courts with adequate knowledge of whereabouts of children.  

DO YOU REALIZE WHAT PAIN HE IS SUFFERING NOW...NOT KNOWING WHEN HE WILL SEE HIS CHILDREN AGAIN?  Do you really?  I suffered through months of concealment.  Your husband is a (wording removed by user).  Shame on him for going along with the concealment.  I think that it is even a crime in the state of California. I'll look up the actually law on that.  

Moving without authority to do so is not good for the custodial parent and may quite possibly be grounds of a change of custody.  

AND AS FOR YOU...!!!

I think that what you are doing is wonderful.  May God bless you.

Sorry that I have to run right now....getting ready for thanksgiving.  I'll check back.  

[Gram Cracker]

I think she had to inform the courts because she does still receive support for the children.