Summer Visitation

[mamadi]

It's been a while since I've posted on this forum.  I took a break when getting  ready for custody trial of my step children.  

Background :  Husband had temp. custody then filed for perm custody in summer of 2003.  Mother had moved to New York in October 2003 and had travel here (north carolina) to see children.  In summer of 2003 she had kids total of 5 weeks.   She fought for custody also.  Trail was help in November and husband received permanent full custody.

Now some questions >>>>>>>>>  Is it normal for the NCP to receive the entire summer as visitation ?  (mind you she lives in another state)

Now this may be the norm... I don't know. But ... mom is also entitled to all the long weekends every month (when there may be a school holiday, workday ,etc).

My question is this ..... when do we get "vacation " time with the children?   I know this may sound very selfish but we have been accustomed to camping, beach trips, trips to Florida to visit family.  Now we are wondering when these events will take place.

The papers are not drawn up yet.  Would it be worth it for us to ask for some time in the summer ??  I'm just wondering if the judge would allow it since he already said (last day of trial) that she should get most of the summer.  

Any opinions ???  Thanks so much

mamadi

[LizaLou1]

Congratulations of getting custody.  I wish the very best for you.  

I  recognize missing out on free or "non-school" times is hard but what other alternative is there for the NCP?  My comments are from  the NCP perspective.  Our experience is tainted by a BM who desires to end all contact DH has with his kids.  

Our interstate visitation gives us 2 months of summer, every spring break, alternating Thanksgivings and a alternating week or so before or after Christmas and does not even come close to making up from lost time during the year caused by the BM's decision to move.

Some things you may want to consider or watch out for depending on your point of view:

Transportation - DH agreed to meet BM half-way, but regrets it now because he has made the 6 hour drive several times now with them never showing up.  Also, in retrospect, she wanted to move so let her pay for transportation.

Child support - It gets Really, Really expensive around out house in the summer with daycare, food, entertainment, etc with extra children. Reducing (I didn't say stop even though some people do) the child support obligation for the summer would help us.

Good Luck

LizaLou

[Indigo Mom]

Instead of being thankful he gets to raise his child just about 24/7, he wants to complain that the mother gets the child every extended weekend and all summer?  

You should tell him to appreciate what he has.  With so many men fighting for years to get something as small as a DAY with their child, your husbands sounds awful grinchlike...ya know?

Vacation time is EVERY day when you're the CP.  

-----Any opinions ??? -----

Ya...as long as the NCP is fit and proper, stop trying to limit the time she has with her children.

[Kitty C.]

God, I hope not.

DS's dad lived 1800 miles away.  DS flew out to see him EVERY summer, starting one week after school was out to one week before school started.  I NEVER had him for a 'vacation' for 9 years.

And the reason why I am using past tense is because his father died last year, while DS was spending the summer with him.  This is the FIRST year in 9 that I have gotten to share in fireworks with DS, that he's gotten to ride with me in the ambulance in the local parade (I'm a volunteer EMT), and that he's gotten to go camping with us.

But I asked him a few months after his dad died if he ever regretted not getting to do some things here, like doing Scouts, playing Little League, etc.  His reaction:  'NO WAY!!!!!!  If I had to do it all over again, I'd spend as much time with him as possible!'

JMO, but if you ask for time in the summer, limiting the MINIMAL amount of time the children can spend with their mother, then shame on you.  This is about THEM, not YOU.  And they do need BOTH parents.    

[ksswthrt74]

Ok, I agree with everyone on here.  If the kids are so adminadt (sp) on going on vacation with you and their Dad, then I would request either for 2wks after school is out..or 2 wks before they go back to school. My cousin lives out of state and gets her daughter like a couple of days after school is out til the the first week in Aug. so her X doesn't get a vacation with daughter.

Look at it this way..The kids are getting a vacation...being in a new area and spending time with the kids.  Plan your vacations on the hoidays you have them. You can go camping etc in May or even in Aug just on the weekends.  What about Labor Day or Memorial Day?    JMHO

[BehindBlueEyes]

The way our order is worded is that the ex gets all of summer visitation except for the week before school starts.  I requested that so that I could get her back into the routine of getting up early & what not.  I also get her every other weekend in the summer.  During the school year while she's w/ me he gets all holiday weekends from school in which they have Fri or Mon off.  we live 3 hrs away from each other.  And we meet half-way.  He wanted me to pay child support to him during the summer; but I refused.  So, the judge ordered his child support to go down during the year to compensate.  I refused to pay him because he can't keep his CS to me up to date.  From Sept to Dec during the trial period of our daughter being with me he got behind 7 weeks.  Of course it was paid up the morning of the final hearing.  But, I digress.  In all the research I did before the hearings I did find that the majority of the time that the NCP will get most of the summer vacation if the two parents live so far from each other that the NCP doesn't get standard visitation.  And our case was a bit different because my ex does get standard visitation.  But, I know our daughter enjoys her time w/ him so I agreed to the summer thing as well.  Plus it will only be for about 7 weeks as school gets out the end of may & goes back the first of august & she comes back to me the week before school starts.

[wendl]

As much as you would like to go camping etc, you get to do the things the other parent can't---school programs, sports (if the kids do that etc)

Maybe suggest that you have the child one long weekend like memorial day or labor day, or that you keep the child the 1st week school it out so you can plan something to do with the children.

JMO

[Imom]

Our bm gets one week after school ends until one week before school starts. And any time ss is out longer then three days. They split x-mas vacation, she gets odd years, we get even years. And any other reasonable visitation with advanced notice for both bm and bd.

[tryn2begooddad]

OK I try to keep my ranting to a minimum but.....you think you may sound selfish...that is a definite.  You have the kids every day and you yourself said the judge said the NCP will get MOST (not all there is a difference). You should be thankful that she is involved. Inotice no mention of CS being paid does the NCP pay child support and if so during the time that the kids are with her 100% of the time will you still receive it, or do oyu plan on sending her equitable money to help meet the cost of raising the kids?  The reason I ask that is I have my kids the entire month of July and 2/3 of August but I still pay out the nose (I am working on changing that)..and when your trips will take place well I guess you will just have to do what an NCP does compress your time and trips and decide which is the important stuff and which can be put off until the next time..I know this sounds harsh but you are asking things that NCP's deal with constantly. Just my two cents

[dumbo]

well as someone else said, the summer gets expensive. Just consider the expense of a teenager. They don't want to do things "with you" only thier friends, dh and I both work so the "kid' is home alone ( I hope) the pbfh has a flexable schedule or so he says evertime we are before a judge/mediator/guardian ad litem but when we negoiate time he won't take 4 weeks consecutive in the summer. I have paid for camps, driven the "kid" all over the state on my weekends so he could spend a week here or there with other relatives includeing pbfh's the bastard would not even drive the boy to his mothers !! me and dh did that. Custody is a world of it's own when you have teens... Comments ?