I need some advice

[Randall65]

I have been involved with my live in girlfriend for 2 years. We have a beautiful 1 year old daughter. My girlfriend has informed me that she is tired of being tied down and she is moving out and taking our daughter to live at her mom's so she can go out with her friends, she is planning on quitting her job and her mother will help financially support her and our baby... while also being a live in babysitter. I can't stand the thought of waking up in the morning and not having my baby girl smiling at me. I know that my girlfriend's mother is thrilled with the idea of having the baby in her house and finally pushing me out of the picture. She is a lesbian. She and her partner are against men completely. I don't have enough money to fight her mother in court and I don't know where to turn for help. I love my daughter with all my heart and my family are entirely supporting me and my mission to have my daughter with me. I don't want to be a part time dad...What should I do?

[sweetnsad]

First of all, let me extend my sympathies to you, especially this time of year...what an awful thing to have happen.  

Second, if your family are entirely supporting you, could they help you get a good lawyer?  You will find an awful lot of very good information here on this website to help you and I'm sure someone with a bit more experience will lend a helping hand as well...I just want you to know that there are ways to get a head start on this and work it to your advantage.

Good luck hon....I hope you at least get Xmas with your baby girl...:-)

[Randall65]

Thank you...This is not what I was expecting for a Christmas present. Yes, my family are trying to help me find an attorney and my grandmother said she would sell her house to help me. Not that I would ever let her do that but just knowing that she would help me is nice to know. I am going to start trying to find some legal advice on if I even have a chance in being awarded more time with my daughter than just every other weekend or whenever my exgirlfriend needs a babysitter.

I appreciate your encourgement. I need all I can get.

[Indigo Mom]

I'd call every attorney in your area to get their "free" consultation while you wait and find out if your family can help you financially with an attorney.  Do this NOW...before she leaves.  You mentioned that she's "thinking" about doing this...get on it, Mr.

Second, I'd file for a paternity action in court.  Since you aren't married, you're SOL until you get into court.  Yes, she CAN move out, yes, she CAN deny you your child...and this is WHY you need to file ASAP.  The Judge will ask if you need a DNA test or if you'll swear paternity right then and there.

Ask for custody of your child, but I would advise asking for joint with you having residential (the child lives with you but mom has parenting time)

If she walks out that door with your child, you lose.  Prevent this.  I hate to say this, but you must be as quiet about this as possible...if she files first, you lose.  You're an unmarried father....honey, it doesn't get any worse than that.

Document everything.  Even things that seem stupid.  Watch your back, this is prime "false accusation" time.  

I would also request a Guardian Ad Litem and First Right of Refusal.  The GAL is an attorney for the child, the refusal thing means the mother has to ask you FIRST if you want to take the child on her parenting time if she wants to "go out".  

This could possibly get ugly.  oh, who am I kidding, it WILL get ugly.  Things are going to be tossed at you which will make your head spin.  Focus on the child, focus on her having BOTH parents in her life, and definitely focus on not allowing gramma to raise the child.  (cause it's happened....)

Good luck, Randall...and never give up.  

[NJDad]

Wow!

I don't know about the Residential Custody part - it shows your too inflexible and may show signs of controlling tendencies. Lesbian or not, that's not grounds for preventing the mother from having the child.

A better option would be to file in the county where you live and force a 30 mile radius for her to move. Keep her in state, but withing 30 miles. She will get the residential custody, unless you have a very old-fashioned judge.

Just watch the Temporary Restraining Orders and Criminal Charges. See my response to Recording Phone Calls in the Father's section. Do it immediately. You won't be getting anything if you are in the Grey Bar Hotel. All of your Custody money will go towards your Criminal defense.

Good Luck,
W

[Indigo Mom]

-----I don't know about the Residential Custody part - it shows your too inflexible and may show signs of controlling tendencies. Lesbian or not, that's not grounds for preventing the mother from having the child. -----

I didn't say prevent the mother from "seeing" the child.  In his first post, he said the mother wants to leave, bring the child to her mothers while she goes out to party.  IMO..mom needs parenting time, not residential.  If the mom wants to "go out" with friends, is tired of being "tied down" then clearly she's not all into this whole parent thing.  The father should have the child living with him...I don't understand what's wrong with this.