Please someone give me some advice here!?!?

[Shox]

I would like to first off thank anyone who would be able to help me in answering a lot of questions about several things that I am going through.

My name is Brent and I am 26 years old with a 3 month old son. One year ago I had a fling with a friend of mine and the result is my son Brendon. Now during the majority of the pregnancy I was not around to mentally support the mother of my son since we had decided to remain as friends.

Now I have been in some trouble with the authorities in the past due to problems with drinking and I have been sober for 2 years now. It has caused me a lot of distress in my life and I am unable to drive for another year and a half.

Now to begin with my little story here. When the time came for the birth of my beautiful son I was there at the hospital with the mother, I went to all of the parenting classes with her as well. She told the nurses that she didnt want me to remain in the room for the birth of my son I was as you may well guess that I was upset somewhat, but that passed. After waiting for it seemed like an eternity a friend of hers came out and said "He is here!!!!!"

 Now I told her to please make sure that I was on his birth certificate as the father of the child since I was there the entire 72 hours we were in the hospital with no sleep but I had to go to work. When I returned to the hospital that night I asked about the BC she said that they had already filled it out and that my name wasnt on it but I could go to the health department and put my name down as the father anytime within a month. I did so and they informed me that she would have to be there with me to do that. I told her about it and she said she would go with me, but when the time came she was nowhere to be found. That happened 3 times.

Now I have offered time,money,food,anything so that I can spend time with my son but I am being rejected on everything, she says that she doesnt need anyting at all. I havent been with my son for 6 hours at any time since his birth and I have never been alone with him to date.

 I need advice as to what to do because I want my son dammit its killing me here. She isnt a stable person at all she has told me in the past she has taken a profound amount of Acid and she is 32 but she acts like a 12 year old child. She is not allowing my son to do anything on his own she wraps him in blankets even when its 88 degrees in the house he cant even move. She wont let him try and reach for anything on his own and I fear for the safety of my son.

I can already tell that she is using psychological warfare on him or will begin when he is old enough to understand.

Now to explain it better imagine that you are a father, and that everytime you see your son you rarely get to hold him. You see him with his mother and he is trying to struggle to get down from her to do things on his own and constantly cries because of it. As soon as I can pick him up and let him see the world and me he begins to laugh and smile and reach for my face while looking into my eyes. But he doesnt do those things with his mother he cries I think she is spoiling him too much and preventing him from learning anything on his own.

 I am concerned for my Son's future mental and physical health, PLease for the possible well being of my child please give me advice as to what I should do here.

[nosonew]

Well, since you weren't married to her, you are screwed until you do this:

Get an attorney
File for a paternity test
Prove you are the father, THEN you will have rights!
 Once you get this done, you will be able to have visitation per what is standard.  And unless she is SEVERELY mistreating the child, you have about a 5% or less chance of getting custody (sorry, but that is the way of the world as we now know it!).  At the time paternity is proved, have the court order that your name be placed on the birth certificate.  Also, MAKE SURE the child gets your NAME RIGHT AWAY!  Otherwise, when the child is older, the courts WON'T make that happen  & he will have her name forever!

Look on the archives to find out more info to help you on this, and one last word, "NEVER GIVE UP!"

[Shox]

I would'nt want to have full outright custody of my Son mecause I believe that it would be better to have both parents involved in his life instead of only one. I was thinking about joint custody if that would be possible.

But thank you for a heedy reply to my situation Im really biting my nails here.

[ksswthrt74]

With him so young, do a 3 on 3 off and alternate the other day.  I would put in there when Son turns 1 yrs old we go to that plan, until then I want from  5pm until 10 pm every night or at least every other night.

I would put in there when he's school age still keep the same schedule until he's older, unless either one of you move away or too far from the other to a week on week off schedule.

I am glad that you want your Son to have both parents involved.

Make sure you outline eveything. There are some good parenting plans on here.

Good luck.

[wendl]

you need to file for paternity testing once that has been done and if it proves you are the father, then request that you be put on the birth ceritificate.

Also file a petition or custody or a parenting plan.

If she is breastfeeding dont let her try and say you cannot have overnights, she can pump and freeze the milk, I did this for 5 months while I was in school and so my childs father could feed our child during visitation.

Do not give your $$$$ if you do write child support on the memo section of the check or it will be considered a GIFT. If you purchase things for your child while with her mother, keep copies of all your receipts.

Continue to try and see your child, bring a friend along do you can document the denial if she does.

Good luck and congrats on becoming a new Daddy.