Looking for "fair and equitable"..........

[Detter D]

Just want to know what to do to get the 50/50 that I want...
I am at the presipest and go to court this month....again
I deserve 50/50 as does my pbfh....ok trying to be fair........
She has more time than me....how come...we are both "fit"
parents...what gives her more time????????????  Gender??

[Indigo Mom]

You don't deserve it, your ex doesn't deserve it, the child does.  The child deserves equal access to both fit and proper parents.  

I know why ncp's don't get equal parenting time...this is a huge fricken money making thing for your state.  If you get equal, they won't get to order child support, they won't get to collect those nice big kick backs, they won't be able to cause mass problems between you and your ex, causing you to have lawyers, evaluations, etc etc etc...and then the state would be sol when it comes to receiving money.  

It's crap!  That child...or children...deserve both of their parents as much as they want...but nooooooooooooope!  Someone has to pay.  And that, my friend is you.  

I'm assuming your ex doesn't want 50/50.  I had that once.  I thought it would be great.  I saw nothing wrong with it, I thought her father and I could do this coparenting thing, and for a week it was great.  I wish you could get what my ex and I had.

Sorry I can't be more positive....

[Detter D]

Why is it that shared custody is not just that...even..

Am I less of a parent because she gets more time???  WHY

Positive...Indy...well, I guess this whole this isn't positive...it's
a rip off and a down right SHAME...

[MKx2]

No, you're not "less of a parent" ... you just happen to be the wrong sex in a mommy-biased legal system, so your child has to forego the benefit of having Daddy in her life on an equitable basis - and THAT is a sheer travesty of justice, IMO.

You CAN get 50/50 - REAL 50/50, but it's gonna be a long, hard uphill battle.  Given equal incomes of both bio parents, that would mean no CS ... and that is one of the biggest hiccups for the NCP Dad.  Do you think your ex wants to give up that nice monthly chunk of change?  Probably not.  And if you're paying through a CSEA, THEY don't want the CS to stop because then THEY'LL lose their kickback from the Feds.

Unfortunately it's all about interior plumbing vs. exterior plumbing and money.

What state are you in?  Do you live close enough to your ex and child so that shooling issues would not be a problem?  Have you tried to get 50/50 yet and not been successful?

I'm so sorry for your situation.  

[Indigo Mom]

-----Am I less of a parent because she gets more time??? WHY-----

You're not "less" of a parent...but that's how you feel.  The courts and your ex are going to shred your feelings so bad you'll "feel" like you're not a parent.  Stinks, I know...a terrible shame.  I can't wait to see how our country is going to be in 20-30 years when all these alienated kids run it.  I bet it's going to be pretty damned scary.  

You just hold your head hight...NO MATTER WHAT!  Cherish whatever time you have with the kiddo's.....

(((((Detter)))))

[Detter D]

Yes we do live close...3 miles, so schooling is not going to be a problem.
ONLY>>>I had temporary physical, and they went to my school district,
and still do.
Now she lives in another town...not the kids school district...so now this
is going to be a problem.   \

The DAMN GAL made this assessment...I guess the alienated kids wanted to see their mother more...she left them and me for months,
now I am the one who gets the shaft....

It amounts to them taking two days away from me and giving it to her,
and that means confusion for everyone.  I am still in the marital home...but she did a job on the GAL,,,manipulating B.....
I tried not to bash her,,,,,wrong,,,,,I should have,,,,,,,,,

As you can see I'm very upset now, but will ajust....

ANother court date this month....pre-trial hearing.....

[MKx2]

No, you DID the right thing by not bashing her!  But, perhaps you should have stressed how well the children are doing WITH you, if you didn't do that.  So ... tell me, as of right now what is the arrangement with the children and what is the "new proposed" arrangement?

DAMN!  I HATE it when this happens!  Grrrrrrrr!!

[Detter D]

I have the children every other weekend..Friday Saturday, and Sunday
then Monday night, Tuesday night...

She has them every other weekend...Friday Saturday and Sunday and
Wednesday and Thursday,,(I let her have Thursday, because the kids
said they wanted more time....wrong move again...

I have them every Sunday night and Monday night, Tuesday night,
She has them Wednesday night and Thursday night and every other weekend...Lost the every other Sunday night
                Lost the Monday night
                That makes her have more time.
Now I guess I have totally confused you the way I put this, but they
are recommending me only have Tuesday night...(the only night now
through the week).  I had three (every Sunday night, Monday night, and
Tuesday night).  I am still going to try and get Monday night back....
It isn't fair...I'm willing to give her the everyother Sunday....
If the Judge goes by the GAl recommendations, I won't get it....and
from what I hear, that's what happens...sucks.