Custody

[wbdad]

My son is 17 and he wants to leave his mother's house (she has custody).  He is being forced to attend and join a church he doesn't want and has been told my both mother and step-father he doesn't get a choice.  His mother yells and screams at him and he has had it.  She pulled one of her stunts today even though this is my weekend.  He doesn't even want to go home tomorrow, just wants to go get his stuff and come back with me (he really doesn't want to even see her at all).  This is not a sudden thing, he has been talking about this for a while.  He has an understanding that if he leaves she is going to call the police and have him "dragged back" because she has control and makes all the decisions until he is 21.  We both know that's 18, so that doesn't wash, but he's still afraid at this point, but doesn't want to be taken back by the police either.

I'm in South Carolina.  Does anybody know anything at all?


Need help quick.

[ksswthrt74]

Here is S.C. link  http://www.deltabravo.net/cgi-bin/resource.cgi?state=sc      

Do you have an attorney? If so, then file a request for him to move there since he is old enough to decide.

hope that helps

[wbdad]

I don't have one on retainer, but have called one I found in yellow pages that listed an after-hours number and specializes in family law.  But this just got really bad this weekend and now he doesn't even want to return to her house on Sunday and I'm trying to find out if there's anything we can do in the interim.

Thanks for your reply, I'll check the above link and see if there's something there I missed.  I think I've look there already, but don't remember for sure.

Need help quick.

[nosonew]

Do you live in the same town?  If he stayed with you he wouldn't have to change school, friends, etc?  Ok, then check out these options:

1. Have him not go home. He can surely go into her home at a time he knows she won't be there to get his stuff later.

2.  If she calls the cops, it is a civil matter, they won't do anything.  They may come to your home, but they cannot force him to go back.  If he explains to them he doesn't want to live with her, they will likely agree that he should be old enough to make this decision.

3.  Check into emancipation.  At age 16 kids can become emancipated and their parents have no control over them if they do this legally. (which means you too)

4.  It is normal for boys to want to live with their dads in their teenage years.  My ss has wanted to since age 12, now does at age 14 per his request.  No court is going to tell a 17 year old no. (Hopefully, that is)

**Make sure he isn't just pissed off at mom because she wouldn't let him do this or that.  Or perhaps he is grounded at her house for something.  

How soon until he turns 18?

[wbdad]

Do live in same town.  School is private school, so would have to sue to have them finish paying, etc.  

I don't want to do anything extra that is going to cause him more problems that he's already under (he is emotionally and mentally stressed as I am over this).  I want to be sure that everything is done as it should be because she is a very vindictive person and is going to make the bomb on Hiroshima look tame.

He is not just pissed at the moment, this has been going on a while, but he kept telling me he thought he could make it.  He turns 18 on 5/25/04 and graduates 6/1/04.  

It's just 5 months, but he says he's reached the limit and just can't make it thorugh until then.

I really don't want him to have to go home, he's so upset, but I'm afraid it will make it worse if we do the least little thing wrong.  Besides, she wouldn't just call police, she'd come too and that would really send him over the edge.  Yet, I'm really afraid of what he's going to face tomorrow because he had an argument with her earlier today about going to a certain church.  Not to mention, I KNOW we will have to have an officer go with us to retreive his things when I do have a definitive answer--YES, she's that bad and has that much need to be in CONTROL of everthing!

I may still take your advice if he's still in a really bad way tomorrow.  We'll just have to determine if this will make it worse for him.  I don't care what she says or thinks, I just put up with her because she makes him suffer if we get into anything and I don't him to pay for this.

Thanks for all your info.

[joni]

Wouldn't that be the easiest and cheapest route to go?  

[Kitty C.]

The hell with her threats, the hell with the cops, he's 17 and NO officer is going to make him go back to her against his will.  And considering his age, there's something else you might want to tell him, tho it's underhanded.  Judges will NOT rule against a child's feet.  Know what I mean?  You say you live in the same town, so the distance can't be that great between.  If worse comes to worse, he can find his way back to your house ANY TIME.  Tell him to 'vote with his feet.'

This kind of crap just pi$$es me off.  My ss is only 9 but the PBFH had to call again after he went back yesterday, to ream DH over the coals AGAIN, for taking a situation that she obviously pumped SS for information on WAY out of proportion.  I KNOW she is grilling the poor boy every time he comes back, as this same thing has happened in the past with devastating results, at least to those 'down the line', so to speak.  Don't know if there will be a next time, but since each situation also involves DS, 'I' will be the one talking to her, laughing in her face and telling her that if SHE thinks it's 'that bad', be my guest and report it, cuz I will split a gut when the judge tells her she's full of $hit, and right in front of her, too.  I'd give anything right now for her to come directly after me, but guess what?  She's 'afraid' of me!  Gee, I wonder why!!!

Make her put her money where her mouth is, WB.  If she and SF are the ones paying for the private education and refuse to continue it if he leaves, it just proves how little they care about him.  With such little time to go (and if this happens), I'm sure that either you can work something out with the school directly, transfer him, or check out a local community college to finish the credits he needs to graduate.  Bottom line:  Do what you have to do to protect him, as you are the ONLY one he's got who will.

[nosonew]

"Curious minds want to know"  WHAT HAPPENED????

[New Education]

For a child to become emancipated; That child has to file papers with the court, set a hearing date and prove to a Judge that s/he has;

The ability to hold down a job.
Make enough money to pay rent;
And is solely responsible for bills/ debts.

Nowhere have I seen that the child cannot 'rent' a  room from a parent, pay his/her portion of Utilities, while maintaining employment. . .

The child is a LEGAL adult at the age of 18 and can choose where he wants to live upon his turning 18 - IF that child is 18 but still in school - he is still under the responsibility of the parent who has custody - even though he is considered an adult. . . Unless the other parent (you) petitions for a OSC (Order to show cause) The fact that he does not want to go back is significant, if he runs away he may find that he'll be put in a foster home until he is 18.

 I don't understand why Mom would have control of him until he is 21 - unless he is in school - but if you file an OSC and he states to a Judge that he wants to live with you, she loses all control - IF you are awarded custody...



Good Luck,
New Education

I do what I do solely for the children who deserve to be treated with respect and fairness and given a chance to be listened to for their best interest.

[wbdad]

To all who replied with words of help and encouragement--thank you!

The issue is resolved in as much as it ever will be, but to his good I pray.  He took on his mom and all the years of frustration boiled out as if Mt. Vesuvius had erupted again.  This was, of course, the day after I had gone around with her.  After he had his say and wouldn't return home, her mother and both sisters were likewise unsympathetic and she had to back down.  

I have already talked with a lawyer and at his age and with only 5 months left until 18 and he graduates 5 days later--basically nobody is giong to do anything and it would take 6-8 weeks just to get a temporary court order and another for a full hearing and by then, well...

Anyway, to say the least she has backed down and is now, it seems, trying to salvage a relationship of any kind without losing him completely.  We shall see, if not and it gets ugly, well then it's off to court we go.

Again, thank you all for the words of encouragement and assistance!