Now what do I do?

[Not going to let her]

Okay, so here’s the story:

I married my wife back in ’96.  We had a Daughter in ’99.  My relationship with my Wife started going down hill right before the birth of our Daughter.  I moved out at her behest in November of ’03.  I think I should also mention that my wife has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome & has been out of work for 7 years.  

We made a temporary agreement that I would take our Daughter every Tuesday night & every-other weekend.  The first weekend I had my 4-year old Daughter, my (soon-to-be Ex) Wife accused me of sodomizing my Daughter.  She called Child Protective Services before she contacted me.  It took 3 weeks for the agency to complete its investigation and document that the accusation was false.  That was 3-weeks of hell, “you can’t have any contact with your Daughter”, “Now you can talk to her on the phone, but you still can’t see her”, “supervised visits are okay”, etc.

Now flash-forward 3-months & it starts again.  I agreed to let my Wife take our Daughter cross-country to visit her relatives for 3-weeks over Christmas.  The first weekend back I had my Daughter & the shite starts all over again.  This time it is because I took my Daughter over to visit a friend who has a 5-year old Daughter.  He has recently been charged with crossing state line with the intent of having sex with a minor.  He is quite likely guilty of that crime but I have no fear that he has or would ever do anything to his or my Daughter.  In fact, he has never been alone with my Daughter.  The only reason I went over there is because the two girls think of each other as Sisters.

I had agreed that while his problems were in the news that I would not bring my Daughter over there out of fear that some wacko would do something.  Well it’s been over 2-months since his name has been on the paper & most of his neighbors have been supportive of him & his family.  I thought everything was fine.  Now my Wife is trying to take away my visitation.  She has gone to a lawyer to seek supervised visitation only.

I don’t have a ton of money.  I thought we were going to be able to work out an agreement with a mediator but now it seems that she’s out for blood.  I am also not sure if she is doing what she thinks is in the best interest of our Daughter or if she is just out to screw me.  I know she would prefer to be with most of her family on the other coast but up until now I thought using our Daughter like that was beyond her.

Anyone know what the hell I should do now?

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

[tulip]

Proceed with the assumption that nothing is going to be worked out easily. This is going to be a difficult fight, and you need to arm yourself. My dh hired a really cheap atty for his divorce, because he thought everything could be worked out peacefully, his divorce ended up taking over 2 years and lots of fighting and he lost custody of his kids. Get a good lawyer. If you have $$ issues, let them know that up front, and try to work something out.

The fact that she falsely accused you of molesting your daughter, proves that she is going to fight dirty. Do you have a temporary custody in place? If not, file for temporary custody immediately. If you don't get it, at least you will be awarded visitation. State that you are afraid she will take your daughter out of the state, and you want to prevent her from doing that. If you have at least court-ordered visitation, she cannot take it away from you without a court order. If she is not letting you see your daughter, and she doesn't have any good reason for it, this will be held against her.

However, the fact that you are taking her to visit someone who is charged with a sex crime against a minor may be a good reason to not let her be with you. That was a bad decision on your part. You don't believe he would do anything to your daughter, or his daughter, but isn't that the way the story starts with most child molesters? If this comes up in a custody case, your personal opinion is not going to matter, only the fact that this person was accused of this crime (you said yourself you think he may be guilty. You can't have your daughter associating with this person. I'm surprised he still has his own daughter in his care. Every thing that can be used against you will be, so keep your nose clean.

Maybe you don't want custody of your daughter. You say you had an agreement in which she kept custody of the child. If that's the case, then you should just file for visitation. But then I would be curious why you don't want custody. You said she has a medical condition that has prevented her from working. Is this going to prevent her from providing adequate care for your child? Do you want your daughter raised by someone who is already starting to emotionally abuse her? (I consider trying to turn a child against her parent by making accusations like sexual abuse to be very harmful to a child.)