how to deal with all of this!? VENT

[mbatde]

I am pretty new to this, and like alot of you, our situation is "bad".  It was very unexpected.  We had my SD for just under 6 mos.  We prepared for it for 6 mos.  We were naive to her scheming grandmother, and NEVER expected that they would just come here and  just take her.  Its killing everyone.  My husband keeps it in, and talks a bit.  I am completely sunk into the internet, searching for every damn bit of tiny info that might help us.  I still do all of the same things with the other kids, we both do.  But it is absolutely KILLING me because i dont know what to say when they ask about it.  My adorable little 2 yr old, walks around saying "sissy awwl goww"  (sissy all gone)  and my 7 and 8 yr old boys dont know how to handle it.  Bedtime is the hardest.  They ask all the questions then.  And so i get all sappy and turn on her nite light and shake it (lava lamp) which we always did, and i have done since she left.  We're all walking around like she died.  
I mean, we are plugging away at the legal part.  And I know its NOT GOOD for anyone if either me or my husband get depressed.  I just cant on my life explain any of this to m boys in a way that is "enough" for them.  Then the b-tch grandmother calls here tonite while i was in the shower, and tells my oldest that "your sister doesnt want to talk to you, so dont call again, she just wants to forget about all of you"  

I called her back and said DONT ever talk to my kids that way, if you have an adult issue, make sure you talk to one of us.  She told me never to call her house again, and that (my SD) doesnt want to talk to us, if she does she will call.....and that she is doing fine, and has no desire to be back here.............

Isnt that a slap in the face.  Makes me wonder if we should even put the energy into getting her back.  I know grandma is probably trying to "scare us" and that it is all BS.  But did anyone ever fight to get their kid back and find out that the kid didnt want it?  What then???

Even though we have a really good "case" esp with the findings the judge put into order here in MA....but what if the judge only sees the 10 yrs we couldnt find her.  We only have so much proof of our searching,( 3 consecutive yrs of searches with 1800US SEARCH) but will that be enough?  We have proof they always had our contact info and neer used it.

I also cant get out of my mind that maybe some how they managed to terminate my husbands rights without us knowing, and thats why they never notified him of custody proceedings...

I just didnt expect it all to be so scary.  
I guess i am just having a really bad day or something....There are just too many unknown factors in all of this, i dont know how anyone gets through it.  

Today is DEFINITELY a cup half empty day.....

If anyone who has been there done that, and found any good ways of explaining it all to the rest of thet kids....please let me know.  We are trying to find a family counsellor to go with the kids, but know  we still need some temporary fixes.