Right to know?

[reagantrooper]

I am going to court in march for many reasons. I want to ask the judge to order my X to give me the full names of all of the unrelated adults that live in her house with my Daughter. I know there are two unrelated grown men that live in her house with my Daughter and my X refuses to give me this info. I have the right to this info. Correct? Has anyone ever heard of a judge ordering a CP not to alow unrelated adults to live in the home that the child lives in? These two persons cause me great consern, I dont know them, I cant find out any info on them . I also want info on the various sitters that she takes my Girl to, she wont give this info to me eaither!

Any thoughts??
THANKS

[billk]

Although I'm new to this board, I'm not so new to an issue such as this.

A review of your "legal" relationship with your child will help to clarify some of this. IF your divorce degree states that you maintain joint legal custody of the child, you ARE entitled to the information that you're seeking. In my home state (Michigan), the law provides for two types of custody: legal and custodial. Custodial custody - here means "with whom the child resides". Legal - means who is entitled to information.
Unfortunately, we have a great deal of issues here with the debate of joint custody and its definition (applicable to both custodial and legal), which cause a number of cases to require substantial clarification at a substantial cost, something that I am currently up to my neck in.

I'm assuming given your statements and questions that you do not have custodial custody. I'm also assuming as in most divorces that the courts more or less left the legal custody of the children as a joint legal custody, which entitles you to the information you're requesting, but does not provide you with the enaliable right to "choose" with whom your ex lives.

Although a court may uphold your right to know the information, most courts assume that both parents in a broken relationship will maintain the "best interest of the child or children" in mind prior to making future decisions, and therefore will not entertain a change of the arrangement (custodial custody / legal custody order) without a petition for hearing to show cause, and then the filing of a motion to change the original order. These filings, hearings, and court dates take time, and it's very frustrating, and could lead to a different response than you'd like by putting the ex on the legal defensive.

If you are able to keep a level head, your best remedy is to open a line of communication with the ex that keeps the best interest of your daughter in mind. A very focused and singular communication that the ex will be comfortable with, and hopefully that way you'll get your information.

Severing the ties with your ex put you at odds with one another. It doesn't sound as if either of you had severed ties with your daughter, so it should be treated that way. The child is something that both of you will always have in common regardless of your previous relationship, and you two need to learn to share with the other those items that you can in order to give your child the best life possible given the dynamics of your family relationship.

Bear in mind, I know that this isn't always possible, and that this isn't a perfect world, but if you and the ex are able to clear this hurdle, you'll be farther ahead than keeping each other at odds, all-the-while, draining your pocketbooks in the courtroom for each and every thing that comes up over the years.:)

[reagantrooper]

Billk
Thanks for the well thought out reply. As we all know in an ideal case me and my X should, could and would comunacate with regards to our chlid. However this is not the case and if I am to get the info I need I will have to get it though the court. We do have joint custody, we have been divorced for 10 years now. Yet my X still chooses to use our little Girl as a pawn in her war on me.

In you opnion how do you think the court will look at me for asking for this info? I think it a very resonable request!
Thanks

[maxwell]

If you had the resources you could always hire a PI to track them -- e.g., get their license plates and run and a background check.  
I had to do this -- my temporary joint order prohibits anyone not blood related of opposite sex to be in the home overnight when my infant son is present. BM violated this from day 1 and duped yet another man into supporting her (and living there). She did this in previous custody cases as well. Unfortunately the court here seem only to threaten Contempt (jail and/or fine) but we will see what happens in a few weeks.

It is of concern to know about these other 'factors' that may be afftecting your childs life, and having no control over them is very frustrating. Stay focused on your child.

good luck.

[joni]

before my husband and I married, his Ex got a court order keeping his child from even visiting our home.  When she came to visit us, my fiance at the time, had to stay in a hotel with his child.  His child couldn't even step foot in our home because we were so "immoral".  His Ex had sole legal and physical.

[reagantrooper]

My X does have a BF, he is the father of her 2 other kids. He does live with my X, its not him that worries me. My X has these 2 other grown men, I estimate them to be between 40 - 45 years of age that live there in the same home as my daughter. By the all acounts from what i can get from my daughter they are some relation to my Xs BF. It just strikes me as ODD grown men living in this situation, I mean how often do we hear about pre teen girls being abused by some family friend that befriends the mom. DAMN just thinking about this makes me fume.

[billk]

My opinion is that if you petition the court for the information, that you'll get it. One way or another. The problem is in what penalties the court can set for the ex not providing the information in a timely manner. My suggestion at this point is that you seek an ex-parte hearing on the matter in order to get the information quickly. That will certainly ad a "sense of urgency" to the matter in the eyes of the court, which therefore could force the ex to answer during a singular hearing rather than having time to provide a "construed" response. People typically act differently when they are being called out in the midst of a courtroom with the Judge asking them directly for information.

Regarding what my opinion is on what the court will think of your asking the question: It should be apparent that you only want to know the information because you have a geniune concern for the welfare of your daughter, and her living environment which has a direct impact on her development.

Best of luck in this regardless of how you decide to handle it. Please provide some feedback on how you do go about this, and where you wind up.:D

[joni]

It is creepy and not right....but that common sense rationale doesn't always stand up in court....particularly where father's are concerned.  

Good luck in your fight, I agree with you 110%.

[Indigo Mom]

This may sound off the wall, but have you contacted the police department in her area?  If I were you, I'd get an incident report of the ADDRESS...not any "person".  You'll have to pay for it, but it's worth the money.

If the police have ever been there for any reason, the incident report "might" list the people...

Like I said, off the wall...but if they're "mooching criminal types" they may have had police contact at her home.  

[msme]

If you have a mutual friend from your early days who might be sympathetic to your concern, they might be able to get the info for you. Then you could get them run & see if there are any immediate concerns to address in court.

Also,you said it has been 10 years, has she been with the same guy all that time? If not, were any of her previous relationships unsavory? You will look better if you can show that your concern is based on her previous behavior.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!