What do I do?

[sjclark]

I am married to a man who has 2 other Children with 2 different women.  One child was conceived while he was a teenager and he hasnt seen him in over 8 years.  The second child he had with a woman who left him and moved to California with his son.  She smokes pot, does not allow visitation, interfeers with phone calls (ex: listen's in and yells at him while on the phone with his son) and seems to turn any contact with her into a "victim" or "brainwashing" situation.  We are a poor family, We live in Oregon and we don't have enough money to get a lawyer or to even travel the 10 hours (one way) to try mediation or go for a visit.   What do we do?  My husband desperately wants to see him (mostly wants custody) but we are between a rock and a hard place.  We cant afford a custody battle and he is allowed very little contact with his son.  Are there any other alternatives that will have a substantial (positive) effect on his visitation/custody situation?

[Peanutsdad]

>I am married to a man who has 2 other Children with 2
>different women.  One child was conceived while he was a
>teenager and he hasnt seen him in over 8 years.

Ok, this older child he doesnt see,, in any court custody case,, it is going to reflect on him that he does not participate in this childs life. Question: Does he pay child support on this child?





 The second
>child he had with a woman who left him and moved to California
>with his son.  She smokes pot, does not allow visitation,
>interfeers with phone calls (ex: listen's in and yells at him
>while on the phone with his son) and seems to turn any contact
>with her into a "victim" or "brainwashing" situation.  

Ok, first off, can you PROVE in a court of law that the mother uses illegal drugs?

Second, what is the wording in their CO pertaining to visitation and/or phone calls?

Third,, unfortunately, this is a all too common tactic used to alienate children from a ncp.




We are
>a poor family, We live in Oregon and we don't have enough
>money to get a lawyer or to even travel the 10 hours (one way)
>to try mediation or go for a visit.   What do we do?  My
>husband desperately wants to see him (mostly wants custody)
>but we are between a rock and a hard place.  We cant afford a
>custody battle and he is allowed very little contact with his
>son.  Are there any other alternatives that will have a
>substantial (positive) effect on his visitation/custody
>situation?

Unfortunately, barring her sudden demise, or radical change of heart, you really have no alternative to a court fight. She has home field advantage, simply because, any court action will have to be undertaken  where the child is resident. If his orders originated somewhere other than where the child is, he cOULD attempt to file there, but,, it wont be a hard task for her to get jurisdiction changed to her location.

As I see it right now,, you even have a hard time having a contempt charge stick over visitation if he hasnt been excercising the time he is allowed. ( thats not a knock on him, I understand finances being tight,, BUT, that is the tactic the opposing council will take).

Perhaps someone else here will have better options to offer,, good luck.

[sjclark]

to answer a couple of your Questions He does not see his first child because he does not know where he is...He hired a private investigator once and found her but she took off again

second question yes we can prove that she uses drugs.. We called CSD when his son complained to us that the pot smoke was making him sick.  CSD went to her house and told her to smoke in another room then responded to us saying "This is Mendicino County, everyone here smokes pot, It is not an Issue here"

[Peanutsdad]

LOL, typical,, personally, I would record them answering that way,, and hold a nice press conference.